Could do with some support

Hi everyone,

Long post, do bear with.

I was on here much earlier in the year in a blind panic about potentially needing a THR. I remember a great number of you being incredibly kind and patient with me, so thank you for that. It meant a huge amount.

I have Bi Lateral Type I (mild) DDH which has led to stage IV arthritis in my right hip, my left is fine for now (minor wear and tear). I played football for years and Im right footed, which potentially accelerated it, its also at more of an angle than the left. I am 37 and only found out I had this condition five years ago. I had a very unsatisfactory appointment with a Consultant back in January where I was signed up for surgery with little discussion (I went in for a check up as my walking had deterioated). I asked for another appointment, was given one in March but due to COVID it didnt happen until September. When I attended in September (husband and three pages of questions in tow) the Consultant actually offered me surgery the next month as Id made it to the top of the waiting list. However, after we'd gone through my questions and he'd assessed my pain levels and seen the improvements I'd made with the physio I'd been seeing since February, we both agreed to move me back to the outpatients list for now. He hasn't discharged me, hes a decent man with a good rep and Im happy for it to be him when its right. He said to just email his secretary if anything changed and he'd pop me back on the list.

I thought I'd feel much more resolved than this, but I don't. I feel terribly depressed and lost. I'm scared I gave up an opportunity that might be years away now as I deterioate, and the idea of waiting to get worse feels awful. In a non COVID world Id be more confident about waiting lists, but sadly this is now a huge factor. Equally, I am petrified of the surgery itself, future revisions and potentially being unable to walk when Im retired and should be enjoying myself. Is it all worth a few extra years? Or is it worth it for the peace of mind that I did everything I could first and this was the only option left? I just dont know.

At present, my pain is low. I can walk a couple of miles still (more if I take my crutch). Walking is hard, it takes effort and I ache for a little while afterwards. I do two hours of physio daily. I dont take any pain meds. My ROM is poor but I can do everything (touch the floor, shoes/socks, etc). My consultant seemed to think 15 years was about right for the first replacement, 10 years or so for riskier and less effective revisions which seems a little bleak (I'd always imagined myself as a fit and busy 60-something one day!) My physio thinks Im doing great and also supports "not yet." I must admit to less pain and more ROM through physio (I also do twice weekly pilates).

However, saying that, being restricted gets me down. I plan everything around how far I need to walk. I feel much older than I am and like Im trapped in a broken body. Lockdown hasnt helped where the only available activity is walking, which is hard work and not pleasurable. I keep fit on a home cross trainer. The consultant also wasnt sure if my pain was bone or muscle, or whether the muscle pain would resolve or ROM would improve post op, which again - bleak. Seems like a big op for a lot of "not sures." I just feel completely unsure of my next move and cant seem to settle my head at all. I found people on here much more balanced (I was referred to as an "idiot" on another forum for not taking the September date when I was so unsure).

So - what I'd love to hear are outcomes I suppose, especially around revisions. If anyone was more hesitant and waited, was this ok or a regret? Im worried waiting too long might affect the outcome, although the consultant seemed confident than any further deterioation now would be slow.

I don't think I ever thought I'd say this, but I wish I was older and revisions werent so much of an issue! I also wish COVID and the impact on waiting lists weren't such a factor.

Thank you for reading...

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