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I've been struggling recently with feeling exhausted, unmotivated and sad for seemingly no reason, and I feel less tolerant of things that I can usually cope with fine (e.g. a friend of mine who pushes and pushes with regards to me doing things for her - I don't mind helping her with stuff, but she never even says thanks or returns the support so it's getting to me a bit lately).
For the last few months I've struggled to get to sleep, but once I'm asleep, I can sleep for hours and yet wake up not feeling at all rested, meaning I end up dozing off during the day and then the cycle continues because I can't get to sleep until the early hours. When I go out and do the simplest of things, I end up feeling knackered so easily, so I'm just feeling like I might as well not bother getting up (although I have to because of all the stuff I have to do). It's just so draining, and I'm not used to feeling like this. Up until this year I've managed to cope with various difficulties etc that would've been more likely to make me feel like this back then, if you see what I mean.
It's hard to know who to talk to about it, because as soon as I say something to my friends, they shrug it off like 'yeah everyone's tired, you know' (I'm a 20yr old student at uni) or 'you're just stressed because of exams.' But the thing is, I just feel like that's really dismissive, because I'm feeling worse and worse and I can't believe that it's normal to be like this, and my exams are all done for this year now anyway.
I saw my GP last week and I've had some blood tests done to either get answers or eliminate certain physical things. But I don't get the results for that until next week, and I just feel so hopeless at the moment. The GP barely asked me anything, really, and didn't ask me how I felt in terms of emotionally/mental health. All she wrote down was that I was 'feeling tired all the time' (I know because I saw her notes on the nurse's screen when I had my blood tests).
I've always been quite good at being on my own, independent etc (although I do have a lot of friends), but I just can't stop crying over the simplest things (for example the aforementioned friend being demanding, or today, talking with my mum on the phone and trying to get her to understand why I needed her and my stepdad's help with something next month. Stepdad reckons my dad should do this particular thing, but I can't exactly ask him; my dad and I don't have a bad relationship but let's just say I never hear from him until I get in contact with him. The day I get a phone call from him is the day I eat my hat.)
It's not that I have anything to even be unhappy about, really. I don't know. A build up of things, maybe. But I just wished someone would listen without dismissing whatever it is I'm feeling with something like 'oh I'm stressed too, did you know that I've got a bad cough -' (!!!) I understand that everyone has their own problems of course, and it's not like I want pity or something from them, I'd just like to feel like there was someone there who would just listen and offer some support. I worry about piling this stuff onto my mum because I don't think she could handle it (especially as she's not been the most understanding person regarding my nan's (Mum's mum) bouts of depression). And the one friend who I think would actually let me cry on her shoulder, so to speak, is someone who suffers from depression herself, and I feel like if I said something to her she'd think that I've not got any reason to be feeling this way compared to her (who has had an even more difficult childhood etc)
Sorry, this post got very long. Thanks to anyone who reads or comments on this. It's nice just to be able to write it all out to be honest.
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