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Could it really be this easy this time?

Posted , 7 users are following.

sadie_dee70150
sadie_dee70150

Day 5 although I don't know if that counts as I am usually a weekend secret binge drinker. I have actually felt very good this week. I think it is the relief of no more secretly drinking & having the guilt there in the back of my mind. 

My decision is no more drinking at home only in social situations. This seems have to make it easier rather than saying never again like last time I tried & then failed. My problem drinking started drinking at home so that has to stop. This feeling good though is great but I'm afraid at any moment it will come crashing down & I will be missing the booze it just seems too easy this time.I'm kinda looking forward to the weekend booze free & if I have a good weekend without the booze I think I will have really got over a huge step. 

Did anyone else feel like this? Was there a happy this is too easy period ?Could I be okay with this for real?

Sadie Dee x

1 like, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • pistal666
    pistal666 sadie_dee70150

    Posted

    Hi sadie dee70150, Sounds like your doing great so far. That fear of it going wrong will disappear in Time as your body rewires itself back so it releases its own higher levels of dopamine again. How often do you socialise?
    • sadie_dee70150
      sadie_dee70150 pistal666

      Posted

      Hi Pistal,

      Thank you for your words of support. I don't socialise that often as I'm married with a 5 year old son. I don't go out for the sake of it just to an event of some kind. My friends all drink a lot when they go out i's like it is there mission to get very drunk. Some of them have no kids or they had kids very young who are now teenagers plus quite a few are single so they have a whole new lease of life & they go out as much as they can that is why I think as I go out less & if I  keep to drinking when I am out at a social event only or we have company so it's a social thing it could work. I might only get out every 6 weeks then an odd time twice a month. 

      That makes sense about the dopamine as I was finding when I binge that nothing in life naturally made me happy I was just existing on a day to day basis feeling neutral about most things only really looking forward to the weekend to drink & recently I noticed after the 2nd or 3rd drink & the calmness had set in - well that was it I would continue to drink until the next day I couldn't even remember the end of the night or the film we were watching or the food we'e ordered or conversations I had with my husband who thought I had  had less to drink than I really had.. 

  • rainbow2014
    rainbow2014 sadie_dee70150

    Posted

    Hi Sadie dee 

    ?I've not posted on here for a very very long time and to be honest am very happy to reply to you because I feel further down the road and more able to help . The first thing I noticed about your post was that you used the word secret a good few times . You mentioned on your binge nights at the weekends , you would not remember films you were watching etc which does cause concern for blackouts , which to be honest is something you may want to have concern about and I'm sure you do . When you say secret , I mean , just how much are you sneaking in without hubby knowing ? 

    ?When you say also, oh this is too easy ? I was at that stage this Jan and went 18 days saying , this is so easy , until yet again , a problem arose and oh , there was that nice bottle again , and 5 days later I'm back on it . I personally have noticed after over twenty years of like you ! being a secret !! oh I'm just having a couple of glasses while downing a bottle before my husband got home , to being  a single mum on a wine a clock bottle every night !!! to then , oh the kids are away , going out , having loads and having blackouts , making an utter fool of myself to now , the last few years of self medicating due to feelings of being alone and verges of depression !!! Omg ! please don't get yourself to the stage I got to . I'm in a good place now and am in contact with a doctor and the alcohol centre seeking help and will be very soon trying out the Sinclair method . Please get some info on this as it could well work for you , before you go through all the stages I have been . This method is not easy to get from your gp but if you have support from a centre at the same time it is possible . If interested I will let you know more . You can look up the C3 foundation Europe and have a read . I can hear me in your post but I'm further down the road . Very good luck 

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 rainbow2014

      Posted

      Great to see you here again Rainbow! What a great reply and so honest.yes Sadie Dee can listen to your experience. For certain
    • sadie_dee70150
      sadie_dee70150 rainbow2014

      Posted

      Hi Rainbow,

      Thank you for replying to my post I appreciate it. When I say secret I mean a hidden bottle that I would be taking extra swigs from when I am upstairs or I will start by drinking half of a half a bottle of Vodka & drink a couple of drinks or a little more in front of my husband. Sometimes I would drink a have bottle of vodka totally in secret without him knowing. Yes the not remembering is definitely blackouts.

      I don't tend to drink if something goes wrong in my life its a pattern I have followed since a bad relationship I had in the past & the drinking became a weekend ritual which built into me needing more & more as time went on. I hear you though I was downing that bottle before hubby came home too as a relaxer & it made I thought the night more fun which I have recently discovered is no longer the case. 

      I am going to push forward & try to do this alone for now as I went to the doc before & just felt she didn't get it & this time I feel different - I can't put my finger on it but there is no feeling of dread like last time. The real test is going to be getting through this weekend booze free & so far I am feeling okay about that but I know that could change. The next test will be when I socialise that I don't overdo it as I want to try to just drink in social situations & that's it. 

      I have looked into the Sinclair Method  & if the above fails it will be my next option.

      I am glad you are in a good place now. keep in touch as I think we have a similar story x

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 sadie_dee70150

      Posted

      Good plan to stop. I kept vodka and blue cider everywhere just to keep topping up! Many many years and it could have killed me. Massive arguments with my wife and nearly got thrown out! Had 13 months old twins to look after as a house dad! Too much to loose and stopped 5 years ago. Robin

    • rainbow2014
      rainbow2014 sadie_dee70150

      Posted

      You are very welcome Sadie . I'm pleased to be of help. That was a really honest reply and yes, I feel we are similar . I do get your feeling of feeling things are different now . I think we make many shifts as we grow if we are drinkers . We either get worse with a lack of understanding or we get worse , with an opportunity of understanding which makes us able to make the changes , if that makes sense ! 

      ?When I woke up on Jan the 1st this year my first thought was .... thank god ! the day has come and I can now be free of this monster alcohol !!!! .....it was as simple as that . I felt so different and started planning how to replace wine with actually living , which I did . I joined new groups, met new people , got lots of exercise in and ate very healthy food . My aim was to get away from talking about alcohol and filling the void with fun and new experiences . It worked , but alongside doing this , knowing that my doctor was hopefully going to prescribe me with nalmefene alongside attending groups and counselling at my local drug and alcohol center . That was about a week ago. Everything was great , then s**t hit the fan and yet again ,,,sadly back I go to the bottle due to a crisis sad 

      ?Well, nothing is going to suck me in that deep again . Tomorrow , just like Jan the 1st I will be back on track and yes, feeling like you .....IT IS EASY .... IF WE ALLOW IT TO BE .... That's my motto 

      ?I will be attending my group on Monday and hope to have a one to one with my wonderful and very understanding key worker , then in time , I know my doctor is happy to prescribe . You know what though , I think by that time , if I get that little pill in my hand , I really do feel that I most probably wont want to have that drink !!! That's the shift I feel now . Also, I don't really like attending these support groups . Most people talk about how their kids have been taken away, how they have lost their jobs, their driving licenses, been homeless etc ....I don't really feel I fit in , but saying that , it makes me feel so blessed and fortunate to have the knowledge and luck in a way to be not dragged down the pathways that many of them sadly have . We all help each other in life . 

      Please don't hesitate to private message me if you need support . I'm really determined tomorrow to carry on this ITS EASY route 

      Big hugs of encouragement to you Sadie xx

    • rainbow2014
      rainbow2014 Robin2015

      Posted

      Hi Robin . So lovely to hear from you again too. I thought you would be lurking around lol . Hope you are well x
    • sadie_dee70150
      sadie_dee70150 rainbow2014

      Posted

      Hi Rainbow,

      Yes the feeling different is still with me today which I am so pleased about as I have never felt like this on a major trigger day before,I would usually be obsessed with the thoughts of not drinking tonight & it would make me nervous & miserable. Now in saying that it did pop into my head today a good few times but it was easier to brush off than before. It was nice not to have to think about when will I get the chance to pick up my bottle for tonight. Will I get an extra bottle to hide etc..? I felt I was more aware today- more in the moment with my husband & child & moments of genuine happiness. I suppose my usual Saturday would be focusing on the evening looking forward to getting drunk which meant I was not in the moment. My husband has also being giving me more hugs than usual & I caught him looking at me in a loving was a couple of times. I didn't as why- either he is making more of an effort also or I seem different to him & he is responding.

      I'm sorry to hear you were doing so well & then as you said "the s**t hit the fan" that drink monster voice as I like to call it is cunning gets you at weak moments looks for triggers & implants the thought in your head to drink. It is only a thought though. I have practised trying to see it as a thought- watch the thought & let it go. I hope you are back on track- don't look back just think I am sober now smile

      I know what you mean about the support groups I feel the same way - my doctor suggested AA the last time & it just wouldn't be for me I feel better dealing with it my way for myself the more a big deal I make about it the more anxious I become & I fail. If it works for others fantastic but I think its different for everyone.

      Thank you Rainbow I will PM you for chats it's great to be able to confide in someone who understands. Please feel free ro PM me also xx

       

  • richard89308
    richard89308 sadie_dee70150

    Posted

    See if you can be without drink at the weekends too and gradually you will be much better in yourself and feel you are achieving results.
    • sadie_dee70150
      sadie_dee70150 richard89308

      Posted

      I went last weekend drink free & it went well into this weekend now which I am finding a bit harder. I am missing not having the booze to look forward to. I made a vow that I would not drink in secret again or go on a binge in the house so I will be sticking to that.

       

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