Could my fiancée be in peri menopause ? Any advice appreciated
Posted , 6 users are following.
Dear all,
I have been very worried of late about changes in my fiancée. She turned 40 a few months ago. She's gone from utterly sweet, devoted and loving to cold, hostile and easily provoked. She's become paranoid too, accusing me of controlling her, of not being good for her (when all she could say in the past was I was the best thing that ever happened to her). She recently hasn't called me for 10 days and when she did reappear she was cold, indifferent and complaining. I don't recognise her anymore. She was so affectionate and sweet, now she's hard as nails.
I have been in agony feeling so estranged from her, as I love her so much and thought we were soul mates. My mind has run the gamut from is she depressed to is she seeing someone else, but somehow these don't convince. She's literally turned into another person, and when I found an article on peri menopause I started to wonder... She has a history of gynaecological problems so she could be a candidate for getting it early. When we we on holiday in July she was complaining about fatigue all the time, like even if she had 10 hours sleep she didn't feel she had rested. She also started getting problems with her nails, sore gums, various little symptoms which I didn't realise were common in the menopause.
Does anyone believe this is plausible ? The trouble is how can I broach the subject without upsetting her even more? Does she even know the effect this is having on my mental wellbeing ?
Thanks for reading. Bless you.
1 like, 8 replies
metamorphed graham27298
Posted
Hi Graham. Maybe she knows herself already that she is in this stage and feels she can't discuss it with you. Hence, avoiding you. All these things happened to me, but I was not aware fully, I am now. The mental changes are the worst, because you really don't know what is going on. You might talk to her, tell her you are aware of changes that happen at this age and maybe give an example of someone you know, maybe a sister, and try to approach it gently. There is help for her, especially as she is so young starting this. If you've ruled out all other causes for her behaving this way towards you, then you are right. I started this at 38 and had similar detachment feelings. The hormone Progesterone drops first and a doctor can sort this for her to help her feel a lot better. There is lots of help, so do talk to her about it. She is probably unsure as to how you will react or just not wanting to admit that it is happening. good luck.
liz85864 graham27298
Posted
Hi Graham
I do feel for you. It sounds as though she is starting her menopause.
It is horrigic and I certainly changed when I had a hysterectomy last year. I was so angry all the time, had zero tolerance of anyone around me and was generally foul!!
I'm on HRT now and it's still not great, but better than I was.
You sound very caring and I'd suggest just sitting her down and telling her what you think! There's no use skirting the issue, it will happen whether she wants it or not!
Point her in this sites direction. It's certainly helped me I was 45 when I had my hysterectomy and certainly I was not ready in any way for it. It's bloody awful!!
Good luck and let us know how it goes. X
graham27298 liz85864
Posted
Thank you Liz, you've helped me to understand what is happening here. The worst part is we are separated because of work at the moment, so I can't even hold her hand and tell her I'm here for her. I want to help, but she's totally absent. I sent her an email to say whenever she needs me I'm here.
steve75571 graham27298
Posted
Graham, I really really feel your pain and know exactly what you are going through.
The same happend to me, I always thought I was the luckiest man alive to have such a great relationship with such a wonderful person.
My now ex was showing all the signs of peri but was in complete denial, she even went to the doctors about her brittle nails and the stupid doctor didn't ask any questions about age or other symptoms and just gave her something for her nails!!!!
I was the same as you had a loving, caring partner for 11 years then one day this stranger emerged, I really really done my best as I've done a hell of a lot of reading about peri 7 menapsuse and really really wanted to help her get through it, she was being cold and distant towards me, I did see the odd glimpse of her old self every now and again, this went on for six months, I tried to talk to her, I tried to help her but she pushed me further away and then one night told me she don't love me anymore and wants me gone
As, said 11 perfect years, she always told me loved me, there was never a day that went by without us having a coming home, leaving, morning or good night kiss
It's now all gone and I'm ripped apart
steffani steve75571
Posted
Hi Steve your post has really made me think of my own situation. My menopausal symptoms started around three years ago and I've only just received my diagnosis. My partner and I have split because of this because I just don't feel like a woman anymore. I have days where I feel ok and I have bad days, I don't have days where I feel good anymore. I'm quite young to start the menopause at 41 and I'm struggling. The thing is because I feel redundant I feel like a fraud so I pushed my partner away. I feel like it was only a matter of time before he left anyway, no one wants a dried up old moody mrs so I did it for him. I do think about him and miss him but I think it's for the best. How could he like me? I can't even bear myself. As women we know at some point we will hit the menopause but it's such a shock and something nobody really talks about. It's such a drain mentally and physically and the way we view ourselves changes dramatically. All I can say is maybe your partner feels the same? Maybe if you can talk to her and give her a little space. I suspect like me she doesn't really want to push you away but is just finding it so incredibly difficult. Good luck
steve75571 graham27298
Posted
Sorry forgot to add, you say:
she don't even know the effects it's having on your mental wellbeing
No she doesn't, she's also going through a lot worse. She's not doing it on purpose, she's being controlled by her, all over the place, fluctuating hormones, so there could be major irrational thoughts going through her mind, if you can hold on in there but give her space.
It's such a shame when relationships get destroyed because of what these poor woman have to go through
graham27298 steve75571
Posted
Thanks Steve, to hear from another guy who's gone through this is so helpful. Sorry it got so rough for you. I sent her an email yesterday in which I basically said I loved her and that whenever she wanted to reach out to me I was there, day or night. I also said she had all the space she needed. God knows what's going through her head at the moment.
Sochima822 graham27298
Posted
May I ask if she's a high power type of lady? Administrates people, lawyer, owner of a large business or is a VP of a company? I ask because everything you're describing I can relate to and that's without being in perimenopause, moody or complaining.