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I'll start off with some general information about myself. I am 18, turning 19 in less than a month. I have previous diagnoses of severe anxiety and PTSD-C, which both cause me to overreact in certain situations that are reminiscent to my past traumas.
When I was a child, I acted out quite often. I would throw things, yell, talk back to teachers, run and hide, and I would sometimes steal candy from the teachers' treat bowls. I knew I was being a pest, but I just couldn't stop this behavior. My teachers chalked it up to not being challenged enough, and tried numerous times to put me in more advanced classes. However, this backfired as I would be just as lost as before.
As far back as I can remember, I've had a terrible attention span. I could never force myself to pay attention for more than a few minutes at a time, and I never did homework. Despite this my test scores were incredible, and so I was not told to attend counseling. I am extremely easy to distract, and in important settings I have to remind myself multiple times to try and pay attention. It doesn't always work.
I have some odd tics as well. During childhood I would often make small grunting noises. One after the other, seemingly for no reason. My teachers were annoyed by this and yelled at me and my parents both to stop it. It took a few months but I finally managed to stop making the noises. But, when I'm left alone in my house, I take the opportunity to make as much noise as I want. It's very therapeutic, and quite relaxing. I also walk on my toes throughout the day, and do a flamingo stance when I can. On occasion I will flop around on the couch, laying upside down and twisting into odd positions. It concerns my family but is somehow very comforting for me. I fidget a lot, as well.
I also have a very difficult time relating to people. I sat alone at lunch, because nobody could stand to be around me for long. I am extremely aggressive and irritable, and am not afraid to argue when I am tested. I've been told that I have an unreadable face, and I'm difficult to understand sometimes. I'm fairly good at understanding sarcasm, but it has a way of making me angry. I also avoid eye contact more than half of the time so I can come off as rude in that regard.
I sometimes have meltdowns that involve a lot of screaming and tearing my hair out. These happen when I lose control of my emotions, or feel a specific emotion too strongly. They're the worst when they're combined with my PTSD.
I have a very strange memory, sometimes it's very precise and other times it's spotty. This makes it difficult to describe my symptoms to specialists. I was hoping to come here and write them down and get a better idea of what I may be dealing with before next month when I am able to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis.
What could this possibly be?
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