Could this be OCD?

Posted , 1 user is following.

I'm a 21 yo female, never diagnosed with any mental issues. I've always been a very anxious person, but some of the things I do to cope with that anxiety never seemed odd to me until a couple of years ago. I've always done these things. I constantly worry about germs and allergens, spending ages cleaning something that I'm convinced is contaminated. I avoid close contact with loved ones, like hugs or even touching, because I'm nervous about contaminants being transferred between us. When I read books I have to stop on a page number that ends with 4. I can't pause videos in places where the timestamp adds up to any number that includes a 6. I have to pop my jaw, tap my teeth together, and click my tongue constantly until it feels "right". When I did something I considered "wrong", I would cut myself (not badly, like a cat scratch) as a kind of punishment, though I don't do that anymore. This looks bizarre as I write it, but like I said, I'd always done these things and it seemed normal. I will say that as I grew older, I started being more discreet about them, like I sensed they weren't typical. I'd accept a hug and just shower after, or "spill" something on a surface so I'd have an excuse to clean it.

My last straw was when I was at a gun show examining pistols. I picked one up and felt the overwhelming urge to shoot the people right next to me. Even though it was unloaded, I was terrified and appalled because that has never happened to me before. I didn't say anything, but a month later I was reading a book on some serial killer and when it described what he did to his victims, clear as day a strong urge appeared to do that same thing to somebody. It was horrifying. For months I was scared that I was some kind of psycho until I stumbled upon an article about Harm OCD purely by accident. It never even occurred to me to look up OCD because I never knew the extent of it, or all its subtypes. Could it be the root of all my issues?

0 likes, 0 replies

0 Replies

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.