countdown has begun

Posted , 6 users are following.

been wanting to die for sometime, have seeked professional help, although to be honest, its not helping, i'm awaiting further evaluation reports from doctor n phyciatrist, an maybe better medication,

i'm carefull how i am planning on suicide to ensure my body is not found, i knws this will be difficult, it may come to i wont care,

i'l hold on till the end of this week, been trying for yrs to look 4ward to something to live for, i guess its time to go........

1 like, 15 replies

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    Michael,

    You cannot give up on yourself. I know how terrible it is and can be to suffer from depression and anxiety. I am still trying to find the right meds and therapy. I've wanted to die but I fought because I just can't give up on myself. You are worth it! I'm not good at saying the right things but I don't want you to give up! There are so many wonderful people here that will be there to support you. You are not alone! Don't give in to this illness. There is hope!

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    • Posted

      thankyou, for ur reply, i do have amazing ppl that do help me, my doctor and my support worker, how ever they are ppl living thier lives and doing thier jobs, i respect tthem very much, but they do not have to deal with what goes on thru my mind,

      i  believe i have lived a fullfilling life, an always knew when it was to come to an end, i would go, the things i have worth holding on for, its all meh....... i dont believe in a good future for myself or britian, if euthanasia was allowed even for perfectly fit able body'd ppl, i would of gone a long time ago, an the life i hav led is just a vast of nothingness,

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    • Posted

      You're welcome. I don't want to annoy you but you've followed steps to give your life a positive approach, I'm not preaching, I suck at my own life at the moment. But hopefully that will change soon. I hope so too for yourself, chin up Michael, Nick.
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  • Posted

    Hi. The first human instinct is to survive. You're doing a great brave thing by organising appointments, don't let those avenues be unexplored, hold on ok, try to see what they might offer
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    • Posted

      no worries, i agree the human instict is to survive, an i believe i will prolly survive suicide attempts, hence i need an awesome way to go, cant help but think the ppl that are trying to help knw themselves they unbable to help me, i'm still awaiting to be diagniosed, of which i dont think i will be, i'm hoping to be, as it may help me better understand myself, if its told to me " there is nothing wrong with me " i'm more inclined to go, but firstly ensuring i get a DNR card, as i would hate to be resuscitated during an attempt,
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    • Posted

      Michael, be honest when you talk to your doctor and people who are trying to help. This way you will have an accurate diagnosis. Stay strong and keep fighting for answers. Just don't give up on you. Do you know how many people gave up on me? Many! So I just couldn't give up on myself. I've waited for the right person to come into my life for love and support. I have finally realized that I have to love and support myself. It's not easy and find it sad and lonely but I am still fighting for me. You have taken the right steps towards getting answers and it may take talking to other doctors for a second opinion. Coming here is also a step toward support and comfort in knowing you are not alone. XX
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  • Posted

    Why dont you try to live for others if you dont want to live for yourself. Try to help out people, try provide food to people who are dying of hunger. Just think
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  • Posted

    thank you for ur replys, i hav tried living for other ppl, but they take the p*ss, giv them the rope etc, cant be bothered to meet new ppl, or go out any more, am hoping to get diagnosed today, im often told, im diffrent to anyone else, i dont fit it in a bracket etc, i believe i get demon attacks urging me to take my life, an it only a matter of time, till i may giv in, so i tried searchin " 4 God " oh he is thier, but i do get more attacks n unsavoury urge's, im told i need to pray more, stop listening to metal, forgive my mum, of whom deserves no favours from me, just cant seam to live my life by quiet means,
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  • Posted

    Hi Michael,  often in life there is nothing concrete to live for,  but life itself is what you have to live for.   I believe life is a gift and while it often seems like a curse it is all we have.  There is nothing else.  And don't say death because that is nothing.  

    You have nothing to lose by waiting for the evaluations from the doctor and psychiatrist do you?  So why not wait?   Explore every avenue before you decide on such a drastic step.  You owe it to yourself to do everything you can to start if not to enjoy life as ok that's more difficult but to manage to find contentment and some peace.   You won't find that in death will you coz there is nothing there is there?

    I went through this in my 20/30's and incidentally I found my own strength when I realised no one cared about me nor was I offered treatment.  I didn't have any illusions left or any help.   But out of this I changed my mindset as I was determined to give myself every chance I could.   I think what I am saying is that when you are at rock bottom then the only way is up.   

    To this end I opened my mind to all possibilities and learned what I had to in order to survive - and that was all I was seeking for a long time.   Just to survive - not to expect happiness or love but just the basic survival instinct.

    Out of this changes happened which gradually started improving my life and it changed from just the survival instinct to finding contentment and even some happiness.   

    Life is very hard and nothing comes easy for most people - just don't expect it to.   Rely on yourself and your own strength and you do have this you know deep down.  I am not religious but I do firmly believe that no one is ever given more in life than they can deal with,  you included.   Dig deep and find your own strength.   Keep in touch.  x

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  • Posted

    Dear Michael,

    ​I do know what you mean about feeling that the professional help you seek seems to do no good, I have a lot of people now working on my case, even a caring doctor, but none of it seems to stop the want not to go on anymore.

    I don't always feel my meds are making much of a difference, apart from making me feel so worn out, which doesnot help those dark feelings either.

    ​Please stay here a little longer, I know I am asking a big thing of you, as I am struggling just the same to believe there is a point in continuing; it does seem like no-one really understands the weight of this hopelessness and futility, but please if you would hang on, some of us do care xx

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  • Posted

    thank you both hypercat and karen76745, after seeing my doctor today, i feel much better ( as i always do ) my support worker took me their, her support is equally as good, have another appointment with dr. soon, still awaiting feedback from pshyciatrist to doctor, although i do have another appointment tomoz with sed pshyciatrist, my fear i guess if these professional ppl were to give up on me, i wud see or have no hope at all ( as these ppl are the only ppl i'm close too ) however i'm reassured they wont give up untill i'm cured or ready to continue with life with hope an happiness, so i guess for now the countdown has stopped pending further appointments an all, i would love to cherish life, have something to enjoy within it once again, i knw ive gotta move house again soon as i'm in temp accomodation, along with other seamingly troubles that will co-incide,

    so glad i dont drink no more, ive never self harmed, although i find it more appealing than to drink, i always try suggestiions from doctor and supportt worker, as more avenues to try before i take the permament way out.

    again would like to thank everybody this site does really help inbetween appointments, n course i wish u all the best in what it is, you guys do smile

     

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    • Posted

      So glad to know things went well for you today; they may be professionals doing a job, but some of them really do care, and want to be there until you feel ready to cope alone or more able to carry on with dayto day life.

      I am so pleased the countdown has stopped Michael, your life is precious, and maybe getting the right move will help also.

      ​Do try out new things if you can face them, perhaps a long neglected hobby or dream pastime that would help to lift your spirits; it sometimes helps to find a way to channel whats going on inside by using a skill or learning a nre craft etc.

      Obviously this is only a suggestion, for now I am just glad to know you feel a bit more hopeful.

      Thinking of you xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Michael I hope my reply helped just a bit as it took me ages to compose due to my turgid brain smile 

    I am so pleased that the Countdown has stopped for you,  try and keep it this way as long as possible.  Lots of hugs   Bev x

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