Crippling Anxiety Disorder: What the hell is this?
Posted , 4 users are following.
Hello there, I’m 27 and I’ve been an anxious person since I was a kid (actually I am diagnosed with SAD, depression and have ocd traits) and here’s the story about this new weird anxious disorder I developed recently. I would like to know if someone can relate.
Last month I went to the Netherlands to meet a girl, but before that, I stayed one day in Amsterdam and during the stay I decided to smoke a joint in a coffee shop by myself.
WORST DECISION EVER (I usually become very introspective when stoned, with a negative filter about myself, I tend to indulge in self-critique and get anxious thoughts, so yeah not the best idea).
I was already feeling malinconic and lonely after half a day alone there, so I wasn’t in the best mood. After smoking my negative thoughts were louder than usually and more distorted I started to have catastrophizing thoughts, like terrified about my future alone when I’ll live by myself, in another country (this was my plan, to work remotely and travel), and the terror about remain alone without support from friends and my mum when she will die, and other stuff.
The days after I started to feel gradually empty, introspective and sad, and I was aware that a depressive episode was coming up. (it happened the same thing when I was 19) In fact it did, all of a sudden I was desperate and felt completely hopeless and not functional.
The days I came back to my country I started to have huge mood swings, I had days where I was feeling so bad I thought my life would end with suicide or hospitalization. One day I tried to practice mindfulness all day to get distance from my negative thoughts, and after 1 hour of mindful walking I felt so connected with the world, propositive and euphoric and had so many ideas for the future. The day after, still pretty relaxed and mindful, all of a sudden some catastrophizing thoughts came to my mind: Worries about my mind that in the last days has been completely a mess between mood swings, distorted beliefs about myself, euphoria, etc. I felt i lost control over my life and my mind.
Since that “anxiety attack” my body is stuck in fight or flight mode, I have constant physical anxiety symptoms 24/24, like muscle twitching, tingling, burning skin in the chest, arms and legs, constant burping, gastrointestinal problems, and bad sleep problems (when I go to sleep my body wakes me up with a shock or with involuntary movements of my body and I am able to sleep max 2-3 till feelings of burning skin and needles under my chest wake me up in anxiety and can’t sleep anymore).
My life is a mess at the moment with this constant anxiety and depression. My psychotherapist doesn't too much what happened, and the psychiatrist said me this all was triggered my the cannabis use.
Actually I am on 100mg Luvox and 2-3mg Ativan since 2 weeks. The Avitan let me sleep at least 5-6 hours (not best quality btw), even if it doesn’t work too much on physical symptoms.
It’s like I unlocked a whole new level of anxiety I didn’t believe was even possible. Also my social anxiety worsened, if before a social trigger gave me some anxiety, now it’s 3x worse and my skin start to burn more and avoidance is stronger.
I think I traumatized myself when stoned with those catastrophizing thoughts and messed up some chemicals in my brain. I feel pretty much hopeless, I have no idea ho to resolve this anxiety and it will only get worse since then I’ll have to deal also with rebound anxiety when (if) I’ll go off benzos.
Do any of you guys experienced something similiar or have similiar stories to share? Do you think this anxiety can solve in some way or am I cursed to live this way from now on?
1 like, 7 replies
alessandro67482
Posted
Please any help, I'm pretty hopeless
sasical72 alessandro67482
Edited
Hi Alessandro,
Unfortunately yes, I have a similar story to share.
My anxiety disorder also surfaced from smoking joints. And I have also heard this happen from other people. The good news is that it can get better.
Now you are completely in a panic cycle and you need to break this. Your thoughts are fuelling your anxiety. So you need to change your thoughts. Use a phrase that works for you and keep repeating it to yourself. In my case I say to myself "I accept that I'm like this now but this will not last forever".
That plus healthy diet, a lot of water and gentle exercise and you will start to feel better.
Best of luck!
alessandro67482 sasical72
Posted
Hi Sasical, thanks for your kind words and advices. How your anxiety disorder manifested and how did it progress? I'm trying to say to myself to accept it, and sometimes I am ok with that, but even when i rationalize my body is still 24/24 in panic mode, even when I'm taking care of myself, exercising, my body continue to express anxiety physical symptoms. It's really hard for me to believe this will get better but I'll try. I really hope that medications will start to work to rewire this anxiety state. Severe depression that hit me isn't helping also. Anyway really appreciate your response, thank you!
sarah3612 alessandro67482
Edited
I promise this will get better nothing in life is permanent, you are not alone there are so many of us dealing with similar situations right now. You are just caught up in the panic cycle but you wont be like this forever it will go. Recovery is never linear so will have good days and bad, try journalling get those worries onto the page and then rationalise them. Just go day by day and i agree with the other person who has replied have a mantra to say in your head "i feel awful now but it will pass eventually and there will be joy again". You need to be kind to yourself, use family and friends as a support network. Get as much help as you can from mental health services too. Try to find the positives, you may not get much sleep but remember that youve had some and eventually you will sleep properly. Have a routine in the morning when you wake, maybe music you like to start the day. Acceptance that you feel this way is key dont fight it just wear your anxiety back pack for now and eventually it wont have as much power. Honestly you can do this, dont think too much about the future and you will get it under control. You have got this and you have so many wonderful times ahead when youre free of this horrible feeling and remember that these are just feelings you are safe its just that your body and mind have presumed youre in danger and itll take a little while for them to realise that they are no longer needed. keep going my friend. S x
sarah3612 alessandro67482
Edited
I promise this will get better nothing in life is permanent, you are not alone there are so many of us dealing with similar situations right now. You are just caught up in the panic cycle but you wont be like this forever it will go. Recovery is never linear so will have good days and bad, try journalling get those worries onto the page and then rationalise them. Just go day by day and i agree with the other person who has replied have a mantra to say in your head "i feel awful now but it will pass eventually and there will be joy again". You need to be kind to yourself, use family and friends as a support network. Get as much help as you can from mental health services too. Try to find the positives, you may not get much sleep but remember that youve had some and eventually you will sleep properly. Have a routine in the morning when you wake, maybe music you like to start the day. Acceptance that you feel this way is key dont fight it just wear your anxiety back pack for now and eventually it wont have as much power. Honestly you can do this, dont think too much about the future and you will get it under control. You have got this and you have so many wonderful times ahead when youre free of this horrible feeling and remember that these are just feelings you are safe its just that your body and mind have presumed youre in danger and itll take a little while for them to realise that they are no longer needed. keep going my friend. S x
alessandro67482 sarah3612
Posted
Really need to work on acceptance, but it's always have been hard for me. Much love for your help mate!
BrandiLynn alessandro67482
Posted
Hello. I'm currently going through similar symptoms but not for the same reasons/trigger. I don't smoke weed. My anxiety hit one day out of nowhere it seems. I can't find anything that triggered mine except that I was going through a round of IVF trying to get pregnant and on a lot of hormone injections and medications which my Dr stopped abruptly after our last failed cycle. The only thing I can think is that the hormone fluctuation caused mine to flare up. For the last 3 months I've lived in almost a constant state of panic/fight or flight. On the daily, I feel tense, especially in my chest and throat. Sometimes it feels like somebody has their hand around my neck. I can breath fine but it makes me feel weird so I panic over it. Also, I get really light-headed and have internal tremors. It feels like my head is moving or shaking, even when I'm sitting still. I have muscle twitches almost non-stop, all day. Mainly in my arms but sometimes in other places. I get breathless or feel that I can't get a full breath or that I'm choking. I have constant gastro issues including the frequent burping. I can understand what you are going through and it never seems to let up. The only time I get any relief is when I'm laying down or so occupied with work that I can't focus on it and it seems to magically disappear. The moment I start to think about it.. it starts in again. I recently started therapy (I've had 3 sessions) and an antidepressant (Lexapro-10mg). I'm dealing with the side effects of starting a new medicine so that on top of the already crippling anxiety is knocking me for a loop. I'm just holding out hope that once the Lexapro kicks in (4-5 weeks), I will start feeling better. The physical symptoms of anxiety are far worse than anything mental that I've ever experienced.