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Crippling fear of women since childhood/ Depression

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b1990
b1990

Hello. I'm a 25 year old male from India. I've been on antidepressants since I was 10. But ever since I was about 6 or 7, I've had this incredibly powerful fear of women, particularly violent ones, with a curious twist: the fear has an intrinsic erotic nature to it. Because of this,, intense fear/ sexual desire have become a single emotion for me. This has been immensely painful for me throughout my life. But because of the sexual nature of this fear, I've kept quiet about it. I talked to my therapist about it, but she sounded confused by it and didn't seem to think much of it. I haven't had any girlfriends and only a handful of female friends. Triggers usually involve a female literary/ movie/ tv/ real life character inflicting brutal violence/ torture (typically in a very sexualized way) on a male who "had it coming anyway". Examples include: Indian Goddesses, mostly anything by Neil Gaiman/ George RR Martin, etc. 

I would be very grateful if anyone here can tell me what's going on here, and what it has to do with my depression, if anything at all.

Thank You

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • anon85986
    anon85986 b1990

    Posted

    Hi,  I am sure you are probably sick of going to therapy. But, I think you need to find one, definitely not the current one, who can pin point exactly when the fear started.

    Also, you can try having simple conversations with women.  Start online and then try and progress to in person conversations.  Maybe, try saying hello to women when you shop, walk down the street.  And hopefully some fear will go away. 

  • borderriever
    borderriever b1990

    Posted

    It sounds like a throwback form a confused, possible brutal childhood in the UK you could most probably pay for the above type of treatment.

    It seemed to have been a situation during Victorian times, there is an 1900 photograph showing a young Victorian Lady astride a dining chair with a whip in her hand (You Tube) Personally I cannot say what is going on, only what may have caused it 

    Was they any problems at home when young. It seems like a problem associated with your childhood.

    BOB

    • b1990
      b1990 borderriever

      Posted

      Hello. Thanks for replying. No, I don't remember any such problems at home.

  • stevo1975
    stevo1975 b1990

    Posted

    Hi B 1990,

    The problem is actually more common than you think which surprises me the therapist had no knowledge,  diazepam was used to medicate people mainly males for heighten sexual urges and problems surrounding a high sex drive. however I agree you probably need to find the catalyst to your issues look for another therapist until they get it much like a seond opinion with doctors. Good luck mate.   

    • b1990
      b1990 stevo1975

      Posted

      See, the thing is when this thing happens, the primary response seems to be intense fear. I become kind of paralyzed, and then the sexual thing follows soon. So it does not seem to be stemming from the sex drive itself. The triggers that I mentioned above make me feel absolutely traumatic every time I think about them. And yet, there is the sex drive also.
    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 b1990

      Posted

      Kind of like a panic attack folowed by sexual urge.... I agree with Wayne seek another therapist to help, someone will be able to assist you hang in there.
  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 b1990

    Posted

    Hi b1990 - it sounds like a sado-masochist sexual desire. I find it strange that your therapist would dismiss such a fundamental urge and perhaps you should seek another therapist. If you are unable to pinpoint the issue to any event(s) anywhere in this life, I would suggest hypnotherapy where you can access any past traumas or situations where this obsession took hold. Hypnotherapy is a meditative application, so you must be comfortable in the moment and keep an open mind. It might be best to find a male therapist to enhance your neutrality in the session. Good luck and keep us posted - it would be interesting to read what you have to say about your discoveries.
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