Crippling insomnia that is getting worse - will it ever end?
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Hello,
As an insomniac myself I have read numerous forums about insomnia. I am at a point with my own insomnia that I feel I am at my limits... if anyone could try to offer some advice, help to calm my nerves and confirm they have being as bad and improved that would be greatly appreciated.
I am a 25 year old man who has started his first proper job with a law firm 6 months ago. I have suffered from bouts of insomnia since i first went to University back in 2017. back then it was caused by noisy house mates who kept me up very late - my stress about needing to sleep turned in to not being able to sleep at all. After a few nights of no sleep I finally righted it. Between then and the start of 2022, i would sometimes have insomnia but it was few and far between - as I was at uni I did not have to reliably get up early and thus nights I couldnt fall asleep would right themselves naturally.
since i had covid at new years 2021/22 , i had two entirely sleepless nights - i convinced myself I had the fatal prion kind and accordingly lived in hell for a few days before finallu falling alseep.
skip forward to today - i am 6 months into a job that requires me to commute in over an hour each way which means that i reliably need to be up early. i am finding that on a sunday or monday night I am now not really sleeping at all - just tossing and turning terrified i cant sleep ALL NIGHT. it really is upsetting me - how can i be in a habit of regularly not really sleeping at all in a night? is that normal with insomnia - has anyone else found when they cant sleep they just do not sleep at all?
when i cant sleep i find that i become very thirsty, my heart pounds and i need to use the bathroom frequently - do people think this sounds like the impact of the stress of not sleeping or the cause of not sleeping? something linked to cortisol levels maybe?
i have started CBT therapy for insomnia (1 session in) but despite trying to calm down and manage my worry i have found my insomnia worse.
the pattern i am in is a basically dont sleep on a Sunday or monday, things then improve between tuesday and thursday (6 - 7 hours of sleep but waking lots) and then come friday and saturday night i am out like a light even infront of the TV sleeping like a baby and dreaming vividly and then waking up with that tired feeling that comes after a deep sleep.
does this sound like normal insomnia or more like the fatal prion or some other physical cause? i know worrying about the prion kind is almost ridiculous but i think that extreme view contributes to bad nights.
finally - has anyone experienced insomnia to this level before and managed to break its back so to speak? if so what would you advise i do?
i am so totally at my wits end with this i am exhausted, scared and frankly dont feel like life is worth living on the days i have had basically no sleep! any advice would be greatly appreciated.
thanks
Matt
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matthew41154
Posted
I would like to add I am sorry for making reference to those prion diseases that has clearly caused so many problems in this forum - its such a paradox that I know my symptoms do not follow them but the worse my sleep gets the more the irrational worry eats me away.
i have had to work today with zero energy and all i can think about now on the train home is well what am i going to be like if i dont sleep tonight - i am becoming more concerned that i may have to quit my job. my insomnia is also causing such a toll on my girlfriend she is about at her wits end having to live to my hypersensitive schedule to try and offset my sleep issues.
if anyone has any advice or words of kindness please do share them i am about to cross the rubicon so to speak. no longer can i just about manage this it is starting to ruin my life.