Crying for my mother who died 5yrs ago is this possibly related to the menopause?

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I had both ovaries and fallopian tubes removed on 15th Oct due to cysts. This causes the surgical menopause, I have been suffering hot flushes and severe night sweats. I am now depressed and crying.Today I missed mum so much that I opened the wardrobe that has her clothes in (not sorted due to my ongoing health problems and my sisters work hours), buried my face in them and howeled. I miss her so much yet was relieved when she died as I had nursed her through Althzeimers for 10yrs and it was a blessing. Is this aching longing and grief a part of the menopause, can it be triggered by it?

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  • Posted

    Hi Taz

    oh sweetie .. 

    Sudden menopause can make you feel so emotional and lost.

    hormones do crazy things to us ..

    your going through a rough time hormone wise and emotionly, 

    menopause does make us tearful and suddenly cry and feel alone, mixed up and hopeless.. It gets better ..

    maybe your thinking of your Mum as you feel emotional and need comfort ..

    oh hun..

    i wish i knew what to say 

    big hugs 

    jay xx

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    • Posted

      Jay you help by being you. As to what to say your guidance and that of others here as I try and navigate this helps. I miss Mum because there is so much I need to ask her, it was also just the two of us for about 20yrs because of my sisters work hours, these are longer than ever so I am on my own and unlike Mum she does not show emotion and hates being cuddled up to.

      Thanks to you ad everyone on this board

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    • Posted

      Hi Taz 

      oh sweetie ..

      i will give you a big hug ... I am sending it now ..

      You are going to feel emotional and lost until your low hormones balance out to a steady low ... 

      we have all had the anxiety and tears and feelings of being alone with it.

      its quite normal .. Its just getting use to it and understanding it that takes time. 

      hang in there ..

      jay xx


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    • Posted

      hi jayneejay

      i had hysterectomy august all gone

      had cancer 5 yrs not reason for it tho

      i had a little bitbof surgicsl meno in oct

      after healing anxiety insomnia bit

      little crying dr put me on prozac nov til off feb

      was horrible didnt work for it


      now im crying like hornone like

      maybe warm flushes

      off meds so its meno told dr

      its been 8 months wondering my hormones will

      balance out again

      no hrt soy nothing cause of cancer

      just sucks to cry telling the difference eventually

      will a woman know when meno subsides

      lots of stuff in between stupid prozac

      but wham now meno

      just wanna know it gets better

      surgeon and others said nothin

      thanks alot

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  • Posted

    Useful info ..


    Signs & Symptoms of Surgical Menopause

    Surgical menopause is caused by the removal of both ovaries (oophorectomy), which stops the process of estrogen production.

    Normally as ovaries age, less estrogen is produced and natural menopause begins. This process, called perimenopause, allows a woman's body to adjust to estrogen changes over time.

    Women who have had surgical menopause can experience the same common symptoms caused by natural menopause; however, they may feel them more intensely due to the abrupt halt in estrogen production.

    Hot Flashes

    Hot flashes are the most common menopause symptom.

    Hot flashes may start in the face with a warm, "flushed" feeling and can cause a sensation of extreme heat in the entire body.

    Additionally, hot flashes may be accompanied by heavy perspiration and can occur frequently during the night. Though uncomfortable, hot flashes decrease over time without the need for medical treatment.

    Vaginal Dryness

    A lack of estrogen causes thinning of the vaginal wall and depletes natural vaginal moisture, causing vaginal dryness, burning and discomfort with intercourse.

    Mood Changes

    Though the exact reason for mood changes during menopause is not known, women can experience depression, anger, forgetfulness and crying spells--all of which can get better over time.

    While occasional mood swings are normal, the North American Menopause Society encourages women to consider medical attention if feelings of depression persist or interfere with daily life.

    Skin and Hair Changes

    Skin naturally changes with age; however, the onset of surgical menopause can cause changes sooner than expected. Skin becomes less elastic as it loses collagen, which is important for keeping skin firm, and may become thin and dry. Additionally, hair on the scalp may become dry and brittle and can thin as lower estrogen levels change the way hair sheds and grows.

    Libido Changes

    A lack of sexual desire commonly occurs with menopause. However, a woman who has undergone surgical menopause may notice changes in her libido more potently due to the sudden drop in hormones after her surgery. Other menopause symptoms--night sweats, hot flashes and vaginal dryness--can combine to rob a woman of her desire for sexual intimacy as well.

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  • Posted

    Hi Taz,

    Oh what can we sayto make you feel better. I have lost both parents and cry most days as I just miss them and I miss my mums thoughts and comforting words. i too am Peri, or peril as I call it. I take it one day at a time, take my vitamins that the lovely ladies on here have suggested and try not to be too hard on myself. 

    as hard as it seems try to clear your mums belongings. Take a few cherished items of clothing and look for someone to make a blanket, quilt soft toy for you so that she is always with you but with a nicer reminder.

    sending you loads of hugs. xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Screwloose 

      oh you brought tears to my eyes ..

      what a wonderful idea to make a special comfort toy or blanket etc out of cherished items of clothing ..

      something to keep for ever ...   Something to snuggle and get that comfort from on the days you most need it .. ' beautiful words' 

      big bugs to you and Taz 

      be kind to yourselves .. 😃

      big comforting hugs coming your way 

      jay xx

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    • Posted

      What a wonderful way to remember a woman who loved making things, thank you so muchScrewloose97. Big hugs for your lose. (In case people were wondering dad died 37yrs ago when I was 12)

      Taz xxx 

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  • Posted

    Hello tazchurch, so sorry to hear you are feeling the way you describe. Grief for someone you have lost can lay dormant for some time even though you think you may have handled it,take comfort that you are able to speak of your feelings. Grief can be an emotional roller coaster especially when you are not 100% . Have you considered talking to a councellor. Even a call to Samaritans who can help you through the difficult worries you are experiencing. being able to talk about how you are feeling is so uplifting. They are non judgemental do not give advice and are very good listeners..Any help?  Take care Jackie.
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    • Posted

      Thanks jackie15396. Think part of it may be that I am a fully qualified Funeral Director who sees this as nothing outside their professional field and your posting does serve to remind me that even use professionals have the right to reach out for help from time to time, thanks

      Big hugs

      Taz xxx

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