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Hello. I am a woman, 44 years old with kids. After my last delivery 13 years ago which was very hard, I did discover a lump in my vagina. I did not pay attention to it right away since it was not bothering me. This delivery caused it I am sure. The baby was big, stuck in the cord so he was slowly dying trying to come into the world. At 7 cm I have been told to push to save his life. I have been teared on purpose from front to back, a thing been put on his head to pull him out. The doctor did move the baby up and down, left and right then pulled as much as he could to pull him out. I felt all my inside coming down.
My bladder prolapse have been discovered 2-3 years ago. Rectocele, this year. I am trying the pessary but it does not seem to work. I have to get the surgery which will be done by natural way. It will be pushed back up, fixed on pelvic, and my vagina will be taken the excess skin off. I will not be put asleep but will have the needle in the back which I had before, with a sedation.
The problem is: I am terrified. I am scared of dying during the surgery or after. That is if the stress does not kill me before. I am over sensitive to any medication, drugs, alchool. The fear is so big that I don't have a date and I spend my days and nights thinking or dreaming about this. It gives me big anxiety and panic attacks. I am someone who was having those a bit all of my life because of an accident when I was young but now it is so strong that it stops me from living a normal life.
It will not be my first surgery. I had a few before. I don't know why I am so scared. Post traumatic shock after the last one I been told. It did go well but I had big panic attacks before and after. For 2 days.
I am having trouble coping with those issues. Pressure, sex life affected, urge to urinate, difficulty with stools etc... I am someone very active. I want that surgery but I am terrified.
A lot of people tell me that it is nothing but I would like to hear from people who actually had it. I am not scared of the pain. I know it will hurt but it will eventually go away.
What are the risks of that surgery? Do I have good reasons to think that I will die? I don't know where to ask about that issue. I hope I am at the good place.
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