Damage to Glans permanent color change

I am thankful for discovering this forum as it has made me realize I am not alone in my suffering and mental torment.

I am finally summoning up the courage to talk about my situation in the hope that perhaps others have had a same or similar situation and can provide some feedback as to how they deal with their situation daily. To say that I suffer badly from regret over what happened and how i feel anxiety and depression over it is an understatement.

I am now 65 years old. My problem started at 48 when i was going thru a very difficult time in my life. Masturbation provided some solace. It wasnt excessive but once a day, All my life i had never used lubrication and i am uncircumsized. Unfortunately due to my depressed state at that time I became rough and was gripping very hard. I also used to soap up a lot and a couple of times forgot to wash it off. All of this led to red irritated skin about the size larger than a dime on the top of my head. But later due to a hard grip causing a lot of friction, it eventually led to an abrasion on the top of the head about large than a dime with some light surface bleeding.

The skin eventually healed but the color never went back to normal. I now have an area of skin that is a different color from the rest of my head. I am olive skinned so the color variation is more pronounced. The way my head looks now is mentally very depressing and embarrassing.

This area of damaged skin is now more sensitive to things like water, friction, heat, sweat ,etc which makes it redden and react.

The only symptom i have is redness. I have no itching,burning,peeling or pain. The amount of redness can vary. sometimes it looks quite calm but other times it will flare up and i cannot find any reason as to why this happens. The only thing that helps manage the problem is daily vaseline.

I only wash with water based on dermatologists guidance and was told to not wash frequently, however I find that even water aggravates the skin and was wondering if other people with similar problems have found that water and wetness makes the irritation worse?

I have seen many dermatologists and none can or are able to help. They told me that redness can persist long after a problem is gone and this can be due to post inflamatory hypopigmentation which is more visible in darker skinned people and is due to loss of pigment due to skin trauma. Has anyone else been given such a diagnosis?

They also told that ongoing redness can be because the skin barrier can be damaged and water loss leads to dryness and increased skin irritation and moisturizing the skin with vaseline daily is the best treatment as it acts as a barrier to keep the skin from drying out and protects the skin from being irritated by urine and friction. I keep the skin as dry as possible. If i were to skip vaseline for even one day the problems starts to get worse.

The dermatologists told me that redness without any other symptoms like burning, itching, peeling, or pain is just red skin due to irritation and is not inflammation.

I had previously seen a dermatologist who recommended 1% hydrocortisone for two weeks which was very effective but the redness and irritation came back when i stopped. After becoming aware of the hazards of using a steroid cream i decided not to continue and i only use vaseline and avoid all soaps.

I have also been completely abstinent from sexual activity for the last seven years as any activity worsens the redness. I am single and my sex drive has lessened a lot with older age so this is manageable for me although depressing.

I found my experience with dermatologists very disappointing. The only offer you steroid creams they seem to have nothing else. The younger dermatologist i saw wouldnt prescribe it and said just use vaseline daily. He said the skin was a normal variant and mentioned he saw many patients with red reactive areas and that most of them are considered in normal range. I dont know if i can agree with him but he is more knowledgeable and has seen many patients. I had gone back to see him and mentioned that the redness and reactivity fluctuates, and he gave the same diagnosis saying its normal range and to stop obsessing about it but its easier said than done because i have so much regret.

Needless to say this whole experience has totally changed my life. I suffer daily depression over the regret of my actions and choices I made even though i was not aware of the consequences at the time. life teaches harsh lessons. managing my condition is a daily psychological battle. Because the condition fluctuates , my emotions fluctuate, when its better i feel better. when its worse i feel worse. it is an emotional roller coaster. the dermatologist cannot explain why it flares up and settles down other than to say skin conditions do this.

What bothers me the most is how my penis looks now, to me its not normal anymore and i would be very embarrassed and ashamed if anyone saw it.

thank you for letting me share my pain with you, If any of you have had similar experiences and provide some guidance to how you manage mentally with your problems and can provide me encouragement and courage i would be eternally grateful.

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