Dating and sexual relationships while living with HS

The only women who can look perfect are models and most of us aren't in the same category are we?  And don't forget they and celebrities are often air brushed.  And because they have money they can afford personal trainers,  make up artists etc.  The normal person can't.  

I don't believe that men expect women to look a 'certain way' at all.  I think a man is attracted by someone with a good personality and who is intelligent with a good sense of humour.  Of course looks do play a certain part to attract a man in the first place but you don't get to keep a man on looks alone unless you are looking for a shallow man who just wants an ornament to hang off his arm and to look good in front of his mates.  I presume you don't want that?  

You have to accept yourself warts and all and being comfortable in your body and skin is a very attractive quality.  I do understand how you feel about the scars though coz I have loads as well.  But believe your boyfriend who says they are not a problem.  If he can accept them so should you.  Have faith in him.  After all he doesn't have to stay with you if he doesn't want to does he?  He would be off with someone else wouldn't he?

It's not wrong to feel disgusted by your scars but don't forget they look far worse to you than they do to others - just see them as war wounds and part of the whole of you.  Like I said no one is perfect are they?

On a practical note if they are very bad you can have surgery on them and the best way to find out about this is to speak to your dermatologist.  Hope I have helped a bit.  x

Glad I helped a bit.  Good luck with getting the scars removed.  You will feel a lot happier then.  xx

I bet he probably couldn't care less, I have had HS since I was a child and it worsened through puberty, I had a bit of a bad time as a teenager (sleeping around) and I'm not proud of it but I can honestly say I've never had a negative comment, before you go thinking I look like a super model, I'm a size 16, and have stage 3 HS, these men were not worth my time but any who are won't care either. Would you stop finding this guy attractive if he had a scar or if god forbid he was in an accident or something? No cus whilst looks do play a part you find his personality and his whole being sexy as I'm sure he does with you, with regards to feeling sexy, only you can change that, my boyfriend knows I always feel "sexier" after I've had a bath (incase any have burst) and he knows not to put his arms under mine cus that makes me conscious. Talk to him and tell him what makes you feel self conscious I bet he will understand. Just try to relax a bit because a smile is much sexier than a frown it will get better and everyone here cares if you ever need to have a rant about it! 

I so understand what you're saying with regards to working out because I have the same issue, I try to go running but it's one day on 3 days recovery, it is hard! 

I find the same problems as you, we are our own worst enemy, when I'm feeling down or sore every time he touches me I feel gross and agitated, it's not easy I know that but he accepts you and you need to let him into your world, I had a really bad experience the other night that I'll share with you, my partner and I had sex and afterwards he went to the bathroom, he can't back in and asked if I was ok or if it hurt 'down there' I didn't understand what he meant until I turned the light on, both my legs and his had blood and what I can only describe as pus on, one of my lumps on my leg had obviously burst. Worst nightmare situation and I started crying, he left the room and I thought he was annoyed or disgusted or something, came back 5 minutes later and said he had run me a bath and was doing a hot water bottle for my leg, he sat there with this all over his legs for probably 20 minutes before he had a shower because it didn't bother him as much as me being upset did. I love him but I never thought that situation would go that way. It really demonstrated to me how little it bothers him, I am the one with the problem with it. Men are more sensitive than we give them credit for! Lol I really hope you can take some inspiration from that because you deserve to be happy! 

Hi,

I have bad scars all over my thighs and my panty line. I also have bad cysts under my arms. It went into remission when I was pregnant but it has gotten really bad now and sometimes I feel disgusting. Sometimes I feel helpless and annoying to my husband because I have to ask him to help me so often when my arm is really hurting me.

I can't wear deodorant because of open cysts on both arms and so I feel really self conscious when my husband wants to be close. I can't put my arms around him unless I just got out of the shower recently or put on perfume. Its really hard. I also hide when we're intimate because I know its not pretty to look at a woman with scars and red bumps everywhere. I also have some under my breasts and I usually don't take off my bra anywhere near my husband, including for sex. My husband doesn't seem to mind though and he knew I had them when he married me. He still tries to see me naked all the time but I just don't want to lol.

I try not to let it get me down because there is nothing I can really do about it. Why be sad and or stressed when it is relatively out of my control. The scars are there and they will be a part of me for the rest of my life. I just try to learn how to hide them and still be sexy in other ways. Like for example I wanted to wear something sexy for my husband on his birthday and so I found a night gown with a really sexy top and then the bottom is a long semi-transparent skirt that has long slits on the sides. So the skirt covers my inner thighs but shows the outside where I have smooth skin. Combine that with low candle light and my husband does not even have to see any scars and bumps. But even when he does he is not grossed out about it. Would he prefer clear smooth skin? Sure, who wouldn't, but he loves me and I am sure your partner is exactly the same way.  I went out and bought some really fancy lacy bras and when I know we are goign to have sex I put one on. Otherwise I wear regular cotton ones cause its better. But that is another way to be a little more sexy. What guy doesn't like seeing a sexy bra?

Whether for just a fling or for a more serious relationship, you have to be condfident that, despite your scars, you are beautiful. You are not defined by HS and that is not all you are. You are so much more than your scars and if a man does not see that well then...do you really want to be with him? If all he wants is a "model" woman with smooth baby skin then he doesn't sound like he is interested in much other than sex.

So I know your question was more about confidence and well I hope you can find that in yourself. If you have HS or if you don't have HS confidence is not about being "model" perfect. If this guy is ok with your scars then perhaps you have to look at yourself and be happy about your other qualities that make you lovable and sexy. There are so many ways to be sexy and women have for centuries, hidden flaws and played up the good. Because of the media women think that the only way to be sexy is to be beautiful liek a photoshopped model in a magazine. But thats not true. Every woman has a sexual allure and you jsut have to find yours and be confident with yourself.

Ultimately it's only you who can make yourself feel comfortable. I personally believe that almost everyguy is more distracted by the fact that he is gonna get lucky then whether or not you have scars. And when you get to the serious relationship point, he is not gonna care about any of that. Best of luck to you. You're not alone.