Dating/Sex with Hidradenitis Suppurativa

I am so sorry that you are feeling so badly about your current situation.  I myself developed it after being married and my husband doesn't want to know anything about it but is ALWAYS interested in sex.  Men are pretty simple about these things.  So, if you can get yourself to a place of feeling sexy and in the mood, scares shouldn't be a roadblock.  Of course, active flare-ups can make sex uncomfortable or even the rubbing might be unbearable -- in which case, I think you have to avoid whatever will make the flare-up worse.  With that said, you can find creative solutions that your partner will love and think you are so amazing that he'll forget that he's not between your legs.  Sorry to be so blunt but just trying to offer you a new prospective.  Hang in there, do a detox diet (I did and it really helped!), exercise, and know that the right guy wil come along.

That's exactly where I get mine. Im 28 and only got told about hs last year and i been suffering for a few years with it

Luckily I have a girlfriend who is okay about it etc but when it comes to see and i have a flare up it can be really painful but that's after. I think you meet the right person and you will find it won't be a problem

Chin up! We can't let HS get us down and stop us from living our lives!

Firstly - I've been using cocoa butter and an emollient (Dermol I think mine's called, you should be able to get a prescription from your GP) on my current HS and my scars, and this helps reduce the scarring, so I suggest you try this out too as seeing your scars fade makes you feel great! 

My mother, who also suffers from HS, has been taking turmeric capsules (Holland and Barrett, or so I believe), and she says that they've significantly lessened her flare ups - this might work for you too?

As for the dating thing - it's possible! (:. I've been on dates with four men over the last six months, and I'm scarred horrifically in my armpits, groin and butt - but have been able to have a successful sex life. Only two of them asked me what my scars were, and when I said the full HS title they just shrugged and never mentioned it again. I know as well as every other HS sufferer that it can be a messy and gross condition, but as long as we keep our wounds clean and infection free, we're just the same as everyone else. The key to a successful relationship and sex life with HS is the same as a successful relationship and sex life without HS - you need to have self confidence. The sooner you realise that you're perfect as you are, HS and all, the sooner you'll be enjoying your life. It gets me down too sometimes, but not once has a date broken up with me due to HS. In my opinion, if they don't ask about your scars and wounds, there's no need to tell them if you don't want to. Think of HS as depression, asthema or diabetes - you only have to open up to the people that you want to know.

So in short - cocoa butter to help fade your scars, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're beautiful and sexy, and go out and meet the man of your dreams! You can do it! 

Hi ema1111

I too like you have been deeply effect by HS and the embarassing situation of dating and/or sex. I am 33 years old and have suffered from HS for about 12 years. Unfortunately I have HS in many areas around my body including scalp and groin areas. As a result I have been a singleton for this period and cannot ever see me being able to find love. The mental heartbrake of the disease is something i very much want to get over. I am new to this site so hopefully reading other people experiences may help me to move on with my life.

x

Richard

I'm a lot younger than you at only 18 but I understand what you're going through. While all my friends are now on the dating scene I feel like I couldn't possibly join them, even though I seem to attract enough people with my clothes on I could never take anything further with anyone. I'm scared about what it means for my future relationships too. 

I've been into counselling sessions which should not be scorned as I've found them really helpful. I do also now know of a few success stories of people meeting new people, and I think the key is to be really honest from the offset. 

I hope you feel better, I'm sorry. I understand x

Hi ema i am a 21 year old male and i understand what you are going through. i am a virgin and have been on very few dates because of this condition and psychological matters (social anxiety, depression, low self confidence). also my boils are not located where yours are but i can sympathize since mine are located at my underarms and anus-back. i hope they find a cure for this some day, i know this can get unbarrable to the point where life seems pointless but just attempt to stay positive. also keep looking for different methods wheather they be pharmacological or natural, different countries also have different methods to lessen this curse  

I have had HS since I was 11 years old. I meet my husband when I was a senior in high school. When we would have sex I would make sure it was dark. One day I told him about my condition. It was very hard to do but he was so understanding about the whole situation. I have been with him for 12 years and married for 10. His family is also very understanding, his mother is the one that normally go with me when I have to seek medical attention. I hope this helps you to get some confidence about having a normal life this this condition.

Oh dear, I am very sorry that you are going through such a rough time with this, I understand completely how you feel, as many of us here do! Ir is completely possible to have a healthy fufilling sex life though. When I met my soon to be husband, my symptoms where not as bad as they are now luckily, mostly inner thigh and hip sometimes. I actually told him on the phone at the biginning of our relationship that I have a "skin disorder, that gives me problems sometimes, that causes boil/abcess type things that make me really self-concious." Then one day, I was having a flair up in my hip and showed him. He never really thought too much about it. if I had one that was bad, or in a sensitve area I would just tell him "I've got one of those things... down there..." Maybe not the most adult covernation but he would get the hint and be okay with it. At this point theres like ten down there, so sex has been off the table for a few months and hes getting a little frustrated (As we both are) but hes been incredibly supportive trying to help me figure out what my triggers are for this nasty disease. (nightshades being one, but not the only one.) 

Anyway, it is possible. sometimes you have to be creative though with positions or do different acts if your feeling self concious or having flare ups. that will not rub on or touch those areas. 

Best of luck! You will prevail!