Dating With Depression?

I'm married to somone who also has depression. I find it can help. I went through depression first and my partner didn't quite understand me. Then when she went through a similar thing she had a new found understanding of evrything I was feeling. Now I find that when she is down I'm the supportive one and whenI'm down she does the same for me. I find it helpful but can see why others might not see it that way. It doesn't get in the way of our relationship, its just accepted that, that is how we live.

As QACab says it does help to have experienced depression should your partner fall into it. Understanding is a huge benefit in helping the other person. However, I would be quite worried if both partners were depressed, really depressed. That could only enforce the downward spiral.

What does matter in both cases is to get medical help. Trying to fight it oneself is very hard and requires the sort of discipline which suggests that person may never get depression. As I have said in other threads here there is a lot one can do oneself. This is a question of mind over matter. It means being driven to think positive. Instead of looking back one should always look forward and include memories of all the good things one can remember; superb holidays, simple days when everything in the world seemed at peace, fond thoughts about a loved one, success in anything no matter how small it may seem, and more.

Our brains are such wonderful organs; use them.

I thik what helped in our relationship is that we were both depressed for different reasons, plus when I was recovering from my last bad period, she was just going through hers. I agree if both people are very low at the same time it could be very bad, it just seems to have worked quite well for us, or at least as well as it could do.

Thankfully!!

I have had this depression for a while but just diagnosed a few months ago. My wife also has some close to it. The problem with hers is that she does not want any help nor will she even admit to it. She just stays by herself on the porch or locked in the bedroom reading or staring off into space. I want to help her but can't. I can rarely even get her out of the house. We have not even been out to dinner in years. I love her but just wonder how long we stay like this. She has gone through menopause and I think maybe it has left her this shell of a person she used to be. My kids don't understand it and although I do understand pain, I do not understand not getting or trying to get some help. Good luck to all. I hope you win your battles and the war.

Mtm

I may only be 31 even though i feel older if not look older too but sometimes i get like your wife where i shut everyone out even those who try to help in fact with me its best no one tries to help as i just go off at them.

I know that their trying to help even at the time im going through it but its kind of like a layer or a mask that prevents me from excepting it an when im like that i just go to bed an hope that when i wake up its passed or if not then its going to be a very bad start to an already boring day and for me everyday is boring consisting of the same tedious routine.

She is like this now all the time. It has been months since she has done anything outgoing whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, she does do the minimum stuff that she has to but bare minimums. I also know that she is self medicating with alcohol and pot. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. She doesn't over do it but she does do them both daily

Well i feel sorry for you and your wife if shes like that 24/7.

an im curious as to if you know what triggered it as wit me its always a song or a date that reminds me of something bad.

As for the pot im surprised shes not mellowed out or relaxed

Mtm. This is not so unusual. many people think that they should be able to deal with such feelings and refuse help even from loved ones. there is a problem when it continues as you indicate. Mostly the desire to help does eventually gain notice and the subject begins to realise that a bit of help may be the answer. When that happens the danger is to overdo the help!

Some medication can help but that means seeing the GP. But there may be a chance visit to the GP for another purpose. I am well aware how easily a patient can hide symptoms from their GP so I suggest that you visit the GP to explain the situation, then in the event that a visit happens the GP will see from notes onscreen what you have said and carry out a word test as part of the routine. Then it will be up to the GP to persuade your wife that she needs some help and hopefully matters can then improve.

We are into mind games here. Your wife's rational thoughts have been subjugated by others. For whatever reason is not the point. What is important is to promote positivity as much as possible. That measn doing things that may have become difficult for you after such a long period. But persevere because I feel sure you want to help her recover her normal equanimity. Positive thought can help if only be excluding the negative.

Mtm.

My comments above were made after I had read only your first post. The emails I get do not take me further than the relevant post. Now I see your additional post there is greater cause for concern because nobody can self medicate using alcohol and or pot (drugs). Both of those are prolonging the problem. Seeing the GP is now imperative.

I just give up. I can not even help myself now more less her or anyone else.