Dating with herpes

I found out that I had HSV in July. At the time I had just met a guy and I fought between walking away and telling him. Telling him was the scariest thing I had to do. It took me 2 hours, but I finally told him and he was amazingly accepting of it. We recently broke up for other reasons, but the HSV was never an issue. I actually just told a guy that I've been off and on with for 4 years.. He had been wanting to come back into my life and I kept pushing him away. I finally broke down and told him why. He seemed upset that I had caught HSV, but said he was very well aware of how to protect himself. However,  he seems very distant now. 

 Everyone will react differently. Some people will be very accepting and others will run to the hills. This is a big deal to me because I already have rejection issues due to other things in my past and I find myself breaking down on a consistent basis. This is not to bring you down or make you feel like happiness isn't possible.....because it is! Keep your head up and don't let this condition make you feel less than! Anybody that can truly see your worth will look past the HSV and be there by your side. 

Feelbroken,

I really hear your concern. When I found out I got infected with HSV2 2 years ago from the person I was dating then, it was quite a perspective changing experience. After we stopped dating due to incompatibility, I faced this fear that if I'd ever find someone special with this disease. (I'm in my mid 30s) Probably the most scary thing about having herpes is not so much about the symptoms but about the social stigma that comes with it mostly due to the public ignorance. 

So, what my love life experience has been since? 

I won't say I was never stressted out about it at all. It was really stressful when I had to tell the person I was attracted to. Or when I just want to have hot sex. I was afraid that I'd be judged by the disease. But, upside is that it made me more cautious and selective with whom I'd get involved (physically and emotionally) and whom I want to disclose. I've never been a person who enjoys frequent casual sex, but with HSV2 I became a lot more reserved to get sexually involed with people. Last 2 years I had 4 occasions when I needed to disclose my disease. And I did it before anything got too serious (physically or relationship-wise). It has been never easy but I felt it was my obligation to let them know so that they can make a consious decision. The first occasion was with a person I started date and was considering a long term relationship. After I told him, he spent a couple days to research about it, and eventually he felt ok sleeping with me. 2nd and 3rd occasions were more or less casual relationships. I told both of them before we had sex. They were perplexed, but after a bit of research they were ok with it. (Or maybe they were simply too horny? 4th occasion was...just a couple days ago! I started to date this sweet guy who I have been slowly falling for. I finally told him about my herpes a few days ago. It was nerve wracking! At first, he didn't want to take a risk, so we ened. It was very disppointing. But shortly after, he changed his mind and now he is willing to go for it after educating himself a bit more. (I hope he doesn't change his mind again!)

For me, having HSV2 is more minor irritation that I have to deal with occasionally. It's like getting occasional acne. Just not on my face but down there. At times, it's depressing to think I carry this stupid virus. However, I don't let it define who I am as a person. and neither should you. Like Sassy2543 said, people react differently. I feel that it depends on how much they are informed and/or what their comfort levels are with taking risks. Oh, and their maturity level as well. 

If you want to just get laid and don't care for the long term, don't take it personal if the person don't want to have sex with you. H/She might not just be ok with taking a risk for short fling. You can always find someone else who's up for it!

If you would be up for something serious and long term, I think sharing the info with your potential partner and dealing with it together would be a good test in the early stage of relationship. It's because there would be a lot of sh*tty (worse than herpes) situations could happen in life and you want someone who you can get around the bumps together. (pun intended) So if your potential partner doesn't want to deal with this little bump, then oh well, you got your answer rather quickly! So it's a blessing.

I wish you the best luck with your future love life. And be strong.

*Btw, none of them who I slept with picked up my HSV2. Ha!

I recently disclosed to a girl I was dating that I had gHSV1.  This was my first disclosure to someone else since getting infected.  She didn't handle it too well.  She was very understanding and considerate and even cried to me about how much she liked me and was struggling with 'the bomb' I dropped.  In the end she was not able to commit, to be open and free with me sexually.. it made her too uncomfortable so our relationship is over.  It is unfortunate cause we had some good chemistry.  Afterwards I'll be honest I ran through in my head how I could avoid disclosing to someone ever again.  I have no intention of doing that as I feel the implications of passing a chronic uncurable disease are too much for me to bear... perhaps, even worse then having the disease myself.   My 'dream' at this point is find a HSV1 partner.   To do that I think my intention is disclosure followed by an encouragment to be tested..  as +50% of the general population already has HSV1, I feel like I have a decent shot of finding a partner that I cannot affect.   That being said, for me, telling a girl I'm about to be intimate with that I have genital herpes - was one of the more surreal and unpleasant experiences my ego has ever been exposed to.  I specifically mention ego b/c of attachment issues that I'm learning to cope with... things I took for granted, that I can't anymore.   I think some of it is just natural being a guy.   

My partner of a year and a half passed it onto me, at first I was really upset and hateful towards him but it didn't last, as he didn't know he had it; if you find someone that's serious about a long term relationship, herpes diminishes to a sort of irrelevant aspect of it, in my case, as we're both infected anyway. If you do find someone else though as long as you've made them aware of it before any sexual contact takes place developing a healthy relationship won't be difficult; relationships really don't have to orientate around sex, and when you do have intercourse you can reduce the risk of passing it on ythrough condoms and suppressive drug treatment, seriously you'll be fine and you'll find someone who accepts you with this and it won't seem like such a big thing anymore