Daughter attacking me constantly re past.

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Thanks Robin and Sue. It is hard as are staying with my daughter and son in law with my husband and son. My daughter just doesn't miss a chance to have a go at me about any little thing then I get the past thrown up with such vitriol it is awful. My son told her she was out of order and exaggerating but it is ghastly I feel so isolated. She is very odd about eating and I think that is her problem addiction wise it is a similar obsession.

i told her about the new tablet but she wasn't interested I guess I can see her point but she has been living abroad for 3 years so has not been affected by my relapse personally.Fortunately we return home tomorrow but am really sad at the things she said. I thought we were having a good time and getting on well until she exploded out of the blue on Friday. Am keeping the peace by ignoring cracks all I can do...

I wouldn't wish the drink problem on anyone, but if she could experience a couple of days she would understand.

i am keeping strong and have just taken today's tablet having returned from the beach where my son and husband have been drinking beers all afternoon.

sorry to burden everyone with this just needed to off load to others who know the score.

lynne x

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Sorry to hear that Lynne, she clearly doesn't understand that addiction is a medical issue which you can't help and which she is likely to have inherited, as you say. She should be very careful with alcohol, herself. I am sending you a private message with some info that you may want to show her.
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  • Posted

    Hi Lynne

    I'm very sorry to hear that too . You are being very brave and at a time you need support it seems as though you are being bullied .

    I dont know how old your daughter is but she does seem angry . Were you drinking alot when she was a child . I'm not judging you but just wonder if there were any times that she needs to talk certain issues out with you before she can give you the support and show abit more empathy

    My dad is an alcoholic and There were terrible things that used to happen to me as a child and I felt very insecure . Now that I have similar issues I can understand to a certain point but still at the age of 43 feel a little angry with my dad . Im not saying youve done anything wrong but just wonder .

    Could you write your daughter a letter ?

    it must be hard living a distance away too

    Ive been cutting my wine intake down every night to half the amount and feel so much better .

    Every occasion in the passed when I have ended up drunk at a party with my kids or at home off my face etc I would completely beat myself up and apoligise to my kids over and over again ! . I would say that my apoligy was simply not good enough and needed to do something about it . I would also say of the effects of my father . He never once said sorry for driving me everywhere p*ssed , falling over  everywhere at all night parties dragging me and my sister along , flirting horribly with other women etc........ My kids are grown up now and are very supportive as they know my past and they know how it effects me , especially the guilt .

    Please , please dont think I see you as my dad , I'm, really just sharing my story with you !

    Saty strong Lynne , you are doing so well , take care x

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    • Posted

      I can I identify a lot with everyone here, stay strong, stick with those who stick with you try to understand those with a problem with us do not have our make up and it's their problem, we need to focus on ourselves xxx

      Big hugs ❤️

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  • Posted

    Thanks to you all for your comments. I was sober for seven years before relapsing on and off for the last two.

    i am trying to get my daughter to go to Al Anon so that she can talk through her issues which must be awful. I was a supposedly secret drinker hiding bottles everywhere and it must have been bad for her. She is 31 now and married she is a lawyer and very fixed in her ideas there is no way you can convince her or argue with her I have tried and tried to make some sort of amends but she won't have it.

    during the seven years I was sober she never let up throwing it up at any opportunity am thinking it best to just go home and leave her to it.

    thanks everyone this forum is amazing.

    good luck to all 

    Lynne x

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  • Posted

    Thanks Paul I will try to get her to do that today before I go. 
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    • Posted

      Hi lynne

      i am a recovering alcoholic and haven't had a drink for 13 years. I thought I was a functioning alcoholic but my son would have been 8-10 years old when I was at my worst old enough to know something was wrong. Don't get me wrong I did (and still do) everything for my kids, they were loved, looked after and wanted for nothing but like I say he knew things weren't normal if only by the arguements my drinking used to cause between me and my husband.also we live in a tiny gossiping village so there were

      probably comments made. I stopped drinking when my son was 10 (he is 23 now and going to be a daddy next month) and we have been very close, I love him too pieces and he knows it, it is always me he has turned too when he is in a crisis. We have always been very open about my drinking years but he has never really spoke about whether it affected him. About 18months ago developed back problems with two slipped discs and was put on tramadol, pregabalin, amytripaline, zopiclone and diazepam, I don't know how I was even standing but again I thought I was just fine. One night,about three months ago,  they made me feel particularly out of it and my son went mad at me. He told me I was like a zombie, that he couldn't talk to me any more and if I didn't get my act together I wouldnt see my future granddaughter.His girlfriend later told me that he hated me taking the tablets because "I used to be so full of life but now I was always out of it". I quit everything cold turkey the next day (apart from the diazepam which I am tapering" . It was hell on earth.Since that night he has been very cold towards me, no kisses hello or goodbye, and almost everything i say he jumps down my throat. I think it took him back to my drinking days and now all I can do is try to rebuild his trust. It is very very hurtful but only time will rebuild us. I worry that he won't trus me with my granddaughter. I Know I have made mistakes but no one knows how hard it is unless you have been there. Your daughter knows that you love her unconditionally but I think it is all about building that trust up again. My husband was also an arse when I was trying to give up drinking and when I was going through withdrawal from the tablets, calling me a drug addict etc. I think what it is is that I am always the one holding everything together and they can't cope if I'm not 100% but sometimes I need help and support too! Have you tried antabuse, it probably saved my life and my marriage. I think writing a letter is a good idea that was something I was thinking about doing too xx

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