Daughter of heroin addict... please talk to me.

Posted , 2 users are following.

I am a 21 year old daughter of a heroin addict. Me and my grandma have coped with my mum's addiction for 20 years, and I'm beginning to lose all hope. It doesn't stop there though- both my mum, my stepdad and my two uncles are addicts, one of which has now contracted hep c. Despite his attempts to go through the treatment to get rid of the virus (involving an 11 month treatment programme which I've read is akin to kemotherapy) there was only a 50-50 chance of it working, and he was one of the unfortunate ones. My dad died when I was 8, due to a drink driving accident, but he was also a heroin addict before he passed away. My mum has also been into hospital over Christmas, becaus of her prolonged addiction she has now got COPD (Chronic-Obstructive Pulmonary disease) which will slowly make her lung fuction deteriorate. She also had renal (kidney) failure and was at death's door. She was told she would die if she didn't stop what she was doing immediately. My other uncle was in hospital last year because whilst on holiday he used herion and got sceptic arthritis in his lower back. He needed surgery, and may also have died if he didn't get into hospital when he did. Despite mine and my grandma's attempts to help all of them throughout the years, nothing has changed. I stopped speaking to my mother for over a month, but no matter how far I run, the pain is still there, at the bottom of my heart like a rock. It is always in the back of my mind, eating away at my soul. I feel totally hopeless and helpless. All of them have stopped at various points over the years, only to relapse. Even after expensive rehab trips, they still returned home to the habit. I cannot describe the pain I feel every day, the lonliness, anger and frustration. Me and my grandma have coped with everything- jewellery been taken and pawned for cash, constant arguments over money, being told to keep our noses out of their business- even though her sons live with her and expect her to pay all the bills, food and cigarettes with no board payments. I have spoke to my mum so many times, asking her, begging her to stop. But it seems nothing I do can ever change anything. I know she loves me so much, I have always had everything I wanted... Except a drug-free family. I have been brought up with good manners and have always gone to school and college and I am intelligent despite the unfortunate upbringing I have had. Having my grandma meant I had security, a comfortable home and lots of love and affection. But nothing can ever replace having a mother who is normal, healthy and happy. I would give anything to be like my friends and go on shopping trips with my mum and for her to have a job and a social life. I just want to speak to people who are like me. I feel so lonely and scared. I have now left my home and I am staying with my boyfriend and his family. He is so supportive but can never trly understand why I feel so depressed and down. Please somebody talk to me?

1 like, 5 replies

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  • Posted

    You are wasting your time trying to talk sense to these idiots, Heroin has twisted and perverted their thought processes to the point that it's all they think about sad You have to be hard, have nothing more to do with them, get on with your life and strive to make it far better than theirs will ever be smile
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    • Posted

      I don't think that calling this young woman's family 'idiots' is a positive thing to say... addiction is a disease and sadly some people can't quit no matter how bad they want to.  It is obvious that you know nothing about addiction and should not be giving advice to someone who is suffering due to family members, etc., as I mentioned she needs to find support groups going through similar issues and possible counseling but REALLY calling somone's loved ones 'idiots'????
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  • Posted

    I came on this web site because my boyfriend is a herion addict but at the moment and for about the last 10 months has been on just methadone. I work full time he has taken a ring that meant somehing to me, a ring that i bought him when we first met and my bank card before though didnt get any money. Sometimes at those points i feel devastated and now that he is on methadone i feel happier. I have looked at some of the replies to others and find them degrading and unhelpfull. I am not a user and do not take any drugs. Life would be a terrible place if everyone was so perfect. But it is depressing to watch someone who thinks they are ok and they obviously arent. There is no fix for you. you cannot escape the culture even though you dont take and that is worse. They are using a means of escape but we are the ones left to cope. Your user name is nice like your boyfriend and his family and your gran are all good support. I can choose my boyfriends i suppose but you cant choose your family. All you can do is be there when they need you. Perhaps nothing with them will ever change but at least at the end of the day you have done well by them and you should therefor know in your heart of heart that this has nothing to do with you.

    It looks to me that you might be taking a new path in your own life and thinking bout yourself for a change. That is the way it should be and you shouldnt feel any guilt.

    Dont look back always live life to the fullest that you can.

    good luck

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  • Posted

    Dear sunshinegirl, I've only just seen your post so I hope its not too late for my reply. First let me tell you abit about myself, so you can put my views into context. I am 50yrs old, I am a trained counselor but I also have 30yrs of personal experience of addictive behavior, from several points of view. That dosen't mean I think I know it all, everyones experience is different, and contrary to popular oppinion, junkies take gear for lots of different reasons.

    Having said that, the fact that your Granmother has 3 children who are all heroin users[ and destructive ones by the sound of it] makes me wonder if there isn't some family issues, going back to before you were born, that have influenced their behavior. I am not, not, blamming your Gran, she sounds like a good woman who has supported you alot over the years. It seems to me that you have several different problems and that assumming that the 'blame' lies with your mothers problems, might not be very helpfull. At the momment, you can't do anything for your mum. In fact you will never be able to make her get clean, she needs to want to. When that happens, and it will, then comming off,and staying off [2 different things] can be surprisingly easy! Meanwhile, this is YOUR life and you need to concentrate on your own problems just now. First, whilst you're deppressed,[in the real, not the slang, sense of the word,] you just wont be able to sort anything out. Thats the nature of a true deppression. If you want to, I would be happy to talk to you again, one issue at a time! Thats the way to get things sorted, even though it dosen't seem like it now, have faith, you CAN get better, even if no one can wave a wand and 'fix' your mothers problems. There is hope, things can be so much better. If you reply to this, they will email me, and I will get back to you.[/u]

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  • Posted

    Hello, I am so sorry to your story.  All I can say is that addiction is a disease and there is nothing you can do about it.  Have you gone to any Al-alon meetings? I think they would really help you.  Above all do not feel guilt and stay strong and live your life to the fullest.  It is good that you have a supportive boyfriend that understands.  I think it would help you if you sought counseling also so you could truly move on with your life without guilt and shame and find joy & peace... you deserve it!
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