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I am a 21 year old daughter of a heroin addict. Me and my grandma have coped with my mum's addiction for 20 years, and I'm beginning to lose all hope. It doesn't stop there though- both my mum, my stepdad and my two uncles are addicts, one of which has now contracted hep c. Despite his attempts to go through the treatment to get rid of the virus (involving an 11 month treatment programme which I've read is akin to kemotherapy) there was only a 50-50 chance of it working, and he was one of the unfortunate ones. My dad died when I was 8, due to a drink driving accident, but he was also a heroin addict before he passed away. My mum has also been into hospital over Christmas, becaus of her prolonged addiction she has now got COPD (Chronic-Obstructive Pulmonary disease) which will slowly make her lung fuction deteriorate. She also had renal (kidney) failure and was at death's door. She was told she would die if she didn't stop what she was doing immediately. My other uncle was in hospital last year because whilst on holiday he used herion and got sceptic arthritis in his lower back. He needed surgery, and may also have died if he didn't get into hospital when he did. Despite mine and my grandma's attempts to help all of them throughout the years, nothing has changed. I stopped speaking to my mother for over a month, but no matter how far I run, the pain is still there, at the bottom of my heart like a rock. It is always in the back of my mind, eating away at my soul. I feel totally hopeless and helpless. All of them have stopped at various points over the years, only to relapse. Even after expensive rehab trips, they still returned home to the habit. I cannot describe the pain I feel every day, the lonliness, anger and frustration. Me and my grandma have coped with everything- jewellery been taken and pawned for cash, constant arguments over money, being told to keep our noses out of their business- even though her sons live with her and expect her to pay all the bills, food and cigarettes with no board payments. I have spoke to my mum so many times, asking her, begging her to stop. But it seems nothing I do can ever change anything. I know she loves me so much, I have always had everything I wanted... Except a drug-free family. I have been brought up with good manners and have always gone to school and college and I am intelligent despite the unfortunate upbringing I have had. Having my grandma meant I had security, a comfortable home and lots of love and affection. But nothing can ever replace having a mother who is normal, healthy and happy. I would give anything to be like my friends and go on shopping trips with my mum and for her to have a job and a social life. I just want to speak to people who are like me. I feel so lonely and scared. I have now left my home and I am staying with my boyfriend and his family. He is so supportive but can never trly understand why I feel so depressed and down. Please somebody talk to me?
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