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Day 1

Posted , 10 users are following.

tre123
tre123

Hi All,

Today is day 1 one of my recovery. I have tried to give up alcohol a few times before but hopefully this time will be different. I'm 28 years old and have drank almost every day for 13 years. There are times when i think i'm controlling it and other periods where it's controlling me. I'm getting to the age now though where I need to accept that drink isn't a good fit for me and needs to be left behind. Whilst almost all my happiest memories are of good drinking/drug taking sessions so are all my worst and i can't be bothered with the shame, sickness and anxiety and having no food in the house anymore (as well as all the other problems it brings that we all know them intimately). I no longer want to be defined by alcohol. I want to pursue my other interests and be healthy and happy.

I have been to AA but like so many other on this forum the higher power element it doesn't sit well so if anyone has any tips for me I would be extremely grateful. 

Thanks you in advance smile

2 likes, 58 replies

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  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 tre123

    Posted

    YOU can do it TRE!! Good day to start since this is when everybody gets too drunk, argue, wake up not knowing what happened. HOWEVER, you will not that person..me??31st Dec 3 yrs ago and stopped and never looked back..I do wish you best of luck! Merrry Christmas to you!! Robin
    • tre123
      tre123 Robin2015

      Posted

      Thanks Robin for your words of encouragement and good on you for staying off the sauce for so long. Merry Christmas!
  • emma80268
    emma80268 tre123

    Posted

    Hi tre123,

    ​I found this forum in the early hours of this morning whilst unable to sleep. I also struggled with the higher power element in AA when I attended meetings a few years ago. I have now reached a rock bottom situation and I am willing to try anthing. I don't want to live like this anymore - if you can call it living.

    ​I do not drink every day but on average I would say that I drink between 1/2 to 1 bottle of vodka 3,4 or 5 times a week and in secret. I have bottles stashed everywhere, all empty. I drink at inappropriate times and whilst I say that I drink in secret my family always know when I have had a drink.

    ​I did not drink vodka yesterday but chose to drink 1 pint of cider instead. I knew I would need some alcohol in my system. My plan today is not drink any alcohol at all and go to an AA meeting tonight.

    ​I'm not sure I can offer you any tips but can support your decision to quit and be here to chat to if needed. Good luck.

    • tre123
      tre123 emma80268

      Posted

      Hi Emma,

      I wish you luck today with staying sober and tonight with your meeting. It seems we are in similar situations with similar feelings about drink. I know what you are saying about the bottles...I live with in a house share with a man i barely see so don't really have to hide anything but on the odd days where i wake up on a weekend not hungover and craving a drink I clean my room and feel shame about the amount of cans and bottles laying around, not to mention the ones already in the recycling bin.

      Vodka is also my poison of choice and I have been drinking around 3 litres a week, also at home, amoungst other things.

      Like you say, what we are doing isn't living.  Probably like a lot of us alI I do is work and drink, two things that aren't even compatible!! As a drinker i find i'm rarely firing on all cylinders at work and just spend the days hoping I get through it sufficently to keep my job. I feel the mask slipping in my workplace though, which is one of my main reasons for trying to quit again.

      I feel for you being at rock bottom. I hope AA works for you and you can get control over your drinking because I know it's such a horrible feeling. Good luck and take care.

    • emma80268
      emma80268 tre123

      Posted

      Thank you tre 123. A word od advice - I was suspended from work 2 days ago for being drunk. Please please don't follow me down that path.
    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 emma80268

      Posted

      hi Emma. thanks for being honest and today is a good start considering to stop drinking. Xmas is normally heavy drinking and you can simply trying to stop and be strong...we are with you. I stopped 31st Dec 3 yrs ago and did not drink on the 31st Dec 2012. All the best to you and try it but if you really struggle perhaps stop gradually and note what you drink day by day. Robin
    • tre123
      tre123 emma80268

      Posted

      How have you been getting on Emma. You O.K?
  • rowena12066
    rowena12066 tre123

    Posted

    Hi Tre, I'm also struggling with alcohol. I went to AA and i didn't find it helpful. My goal is to stop tomorrow, I can't today as I'm drinking already but I will try and not buy anymore today. Like you, I don't want the anxiety anymore, its too damaging. I'm lucky in one respect as my boyfriend is trying to help me, it's reached the point where he needs to have access to my bank account as I'm borrowing money before payday to fuel my addiction. I struggle most with eating out and mealtimes at home because I love getting into the spirit of things like if I have an french/italian meal then I want wine with it, I love embracing the whole tradition. Once I have a glass I want more and I lie and sneak around about it, I even put wine in a plastic bottle if I'm going to a restaurant so I can have more, I drink it in the toilets. The only thing I can say is that I know what you are going through and if you ever need support I'm here, hopefully we can both make the new year a dry year
    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 rowena12066

      Posted

      hi Rowena. Good that you are honest and drinkers do hide bottles all the time. Now is as good time to stop as any...me on 31st Dec 2012 and 3 yrs sober. was about to loose everything and totally mad drinking and I feel 100% better...great boyfriend!! all thebest Robin
    • tre123
      tre123 rowena12066

      Posted

      Hi rowena.

      Thanks for your post. When we write down the sneaky things we all do to get a bit more drink in us it seems a bit ridiculous!! I completely relate to sneaking bottles into pubs, restaurants, university e.t.c and while at the time it seems like a great idea in black and white it just proves that we are not acting like normal people. It's good you have an understanding guy who supports you. Keep hold of him! Its good to find i'm not alone. Message me whenever you like should you need it. Take Care

    • rowena12066
      rowena12066 tre123

      Posted

      Thank you! As I said to Joanna it's great to relate to someone, it's very easy to feel alone in our situation. 2016 is all about us, we will get there and if we fall we will help each other back up-if we were perfect we wouldn't be human, that's what I keep trying to remember! I think people who drink are very sensitive to the world and we are extremely hard on ourselves. Now is the time to love ourselves
    • h1954
      h1954 rowena12066

      Posted

      Hi, I know what you mean about meals, that's when I like to drink and have always liked to drink, but it ended up being not only with but before and after meals and then eventually from midday until bedtime. Getting a grip on it now. Don't want to stop completely, still want to enjoy wine with a meal. Wishing you good luck and season's greetings
  • Joanna-SMUKLtd
    Joanna-SMUKLtd tre123

    Posted

    Hello, Tre123, Emma80268 and Rowena12066

    Please have a read of this page on this website. 

    https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

    You've all made a good decision to try do something about the drinking.  The next thing to do is to do a little research and decide the best way forward for you in the new year.

    Rowena - I especially identified with your post because I also kept some drink in my handbag and sneaking off to the toilets to drink it, even in the cinema too!  I think many, many of us do that.  No one drinks quick enough for us!!

    Life gets SO much better without alcohol running it, really it does.  You just need to find the way that you will think will best suit your life and your situation.

    Well done and have a safe holidays.

    • tre123
      tre123 Joanna-SMUKLtd

      Posted

      Hi joanna,

      i identify with the sneaky drinking too. Going to see the new star wars movie at the cinema with a bottle of red in my rucksack would usually be one of lifes highlights!

      I've always thought of alcohol as a way of making normally mundane things a bit more interesting (shopping trips, train rides e.t.c) but I'm beginning to understand if i was fully present I could probably find joy in most things. I guess it's just about learning to enjoy things for what they are instead of seeing everything as an opportunity to get wasted.

      Thanks for the link. I will look into going to the G.P in the new year.

    • rowena12066
      rowena12066 Joanna-SMUKLtd

      Posted

      Hi Joanna, thank you for your comment. It's so good to find someone who can relate-not that I wish you were in that situation of course! smile What was the best way for you?
    • Joanna-SMUKLtd
      Joanna-SMUKLtd rowena12066

      Posted

      I tried everything I could think of to stop, including antabuse, AA, counselling etc.

      What worked for me was The Sinclair Method which is now why I am working so hard to make the method more widely discussed as an option.

      Everyone is different but that is the point - ALL the options should be discussed and it's wrong that a lot of doctors, addiction specialists etc are still not aware of this method despite it being approved in November 2014.

      I think as you read more of this forum, we have more in common with each other than not.  It's good not to feel so alone biggrin

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