Day after Christmas was really tough for me

Posted , 9 users are following.

Because of the deflation of it all being over....all the stress...then I went to the Dr. AGAIN...because my stomach is still acting up after 10 weeks now and only in the morning.  I wanted my test results...and that office is notorius for forgetting.  I went in really angry that I have been struggling and getting not much response from my Dr. of 10 plus years.

​Ended up I asked him to be FRANK with me...and said I was concerned that he didn't let me know about my test....and concerned about paperwork that doesn't get filled out in a timely manner.  And asked if I should get a new Dr. He said YEA....you probably should...I have alot of other patients and don't have the time to spend with you "Missy".  I was floored (even thou I asked him).  5 months ago...my boyfriend attended an appt. with me to ask him if he was OK with doing all this paperwork I need because I was afraid to ask him.  I needed him for benefits...Long Term Disability.

​At that time..he said YEA..he was on board and fine with it.  He works in an Urgent Care facility but is a Primary Care Dr. as well...I wish he had said NO at that time...Now I'm in deep with specialists and need him he bails on me!  He did say I could use his office for the rest of the afternoon to look at my files and ask for copies of what I want.  So what I DID was take all the files out of my folder that pertained to my alcoholism!  And on those files...were test results that he never discussed with me...like super HIGH blood sugar..and a new LUNG NODULE.

​My first thought when leaving (as there is a store next door to the office)... WAS DRINK!  I needed cigs too...so I went in the store...and I was balling my eyes out by the way...because he didn't even say an appropriate goodbye...left me my folder and left me in the room.  I felt abandoned once again! 

​I went in the store...I was starving too....I saw the little "nips" of alcohol near the register and was so tempted to buy one...but did not.

​Then I got home...without alcohol..and my mother called 2 hours later..telling me she was in HOSPITAL!  UGH...So I went to pick her up at 10pm.  I can't believe I did NOT drink.  AND I'm very glad I didn't. 

​My mother said...these things happen to people all the time and I should just cope and move on....not easy for an alcoholic...Not easy at all.

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22 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm so sorry to hear that you have felt been abandoned again and I do hope you can find a way of getting your paperwork done. And I'm so impressed that you didn't succumb to a drink, which would have been so easy, temptation and need were right there but you didn't drink. Well done! And then you could be there for your mum. Keep going Missy x
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  • Posted

    I can really feel for you missy as my go surgery basically said they couldn't treat me with any drug,not even anti depressants as I was using Baclofen which addressed my alcohol problem,the gp I saw was very angry I was still using it and said he wouldn't be willing to prescribe me even antiobiotics in the future.So I had no choice but to stop the Bac and I'm now drinking again.

    If I was a heroine addict they would give me whatever I needed.I think the docs think we should just stop drinking....full stop!

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    • Posted

      Thats horrible nicole...I have decided after this ordeal...me being an extremly HONEST person....that I am going to start LYING.

      ​There are reasons they need to know before surgery what meds we take...so in your case I don't think you had any other option but to tell the surgeon what you were taking (as you life depends on it).  But otherwise...I'm stopping my openess as of NOW.

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  • Posted

    I thought telling them the truth was the way to go but now I've laid all my cards on the table which prob makes my life insurance invalid
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    • Posted

      Always best to tell the truth; if your life insurance is ever claimed, the ins' company will request info from medical records centres. You would probably have signed an agreement to give them access.

      You'd have to read the clauses; if you became disabled or worse whilst under the influence, then I think you can forget it.

      If anything happened and you were found to be sober.... and had a long history of sobriety, then it could be a different matter.

      But, I'm not an expert by any means about insurance matters.

      Anyway, now that you're sober, you'll probably have less accidents and live longer.

      Best wishes. Take it bit for bit..... best advice I ever got.

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  • Posted

    Well done for staying sober Missy.

    ​Unfortunately, as supportive as our loved ones are (or try to be) they cannot fully understand the difficulties faced as an alcoholic. Likewise I am sure that, as an alcoholic, I do not fully understand what my loved ones suffer as the family of an alcoholic.

    ​Hope your mum is ok and give yourself a very big pat on the back.

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  • Posted

    A tough Xmas. We are all proud of you. Irresponsible of your Doctor and YES he should have said that he may not have enough time to do all the paperwork for your long term disabilit but we are supporting you!! well done for being sober. Robin
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  • Posted

    Hi Missey, well done for not giving into temptation, your mom was right... we have to deal with our problems sober - it is difficult for an alcoholic but it's easier than drowning out the problem. It's something we have to learn and keep learning; for the rest of our lives unfortunately. But worth it.

    I've found that some doctors are sympathetic and knowledgable about alcoholics and some aren't. Doctors are only like non alcoholics; they have good days and bad days. I've found that if they know you're trying to quit, then they're more sympathetic..... especially if you do...... and most will help more.

    I don't know what your relationship is like with your doctor but staying sober will make it better - that's my experience anyway.

    I think he should have told you about the test results but it's better if you stay with him and show how determined you are..... the fact that you're on here is a good sign.

    10 weeks of not drinking is great but early days. Your body will still be adjusting and, more than likely, you'll still have the same temperament and behavoural patterns.

    I was the same along with all the dry alcoholics I've met on my journey and I've met 100's. It's not just about stopping drinking, it's as or more important to take a good look at ourselves and make changes where and whenever necessary.

    A couple of doctors have told me that they didn't have the time to waste on me. They showed a completely different attitude when I showed them I wanted to stop and was trying to. Even at times when I relapsed.

    I hope your mom's okay now; respect booze because of what it will do to you given a chance. It's the devils brew for us.

    Keep sober and keep posting; if you post, you help me and other alcoholics........ especially yourself!

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    • Posted

      I thought misssy had given into temptation the other night. I'm getting totally confused by different posts of people not drinking then drinking, probably my fault.
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    • Posted

      Thank you for the thoughtful post. 10 weeks I have had "diarreha".  I only stopped drinking for 3 weeks..this time...and gave in...not after this incident with the Dr...but added with the fight I had with my son...I just wanted to escape and not think.  So I drank 1 day this weekend.

      ​I'm back on the wagon for my health and sanity.

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    • Posted

      I did give into tempatation after a fight with my son...I wanted to escape...and it was a VERY BAD idea.  I suffered yesterday with a hangover...but at least I didn't do my usual BINGE....I'm back at remaining sober...and living.
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    • Posted

      Hi vickylou,

      I'm sorry but I haven't read any of your previous posts so I don't know if you are or have been involved with A.A. or these forums for long. I don't know if you're a self-confessed aloholic or not but, whatever, you're interested enough to be here. So: here's how I see it based on a long history of drinking and a long history of sobriety. Most importantly, I have come into contact with many, many alcoholics. I have a lot of experience.

      Most lies are told (I've done it myself), not always deliberately, by aloholics in the early days of sobriety for different reasons; to bolster their own confidence, not to let others down (why this should be the case is silly as they'll find out in due course), beause they want to create a good impression and so on and so on. Some people even believe they are 'cured' if they stop drinking.

      If you can identify with another alcoholics story, you will find out that it's probably true; unless it's a third party story. You will have to make your own judgements based on the founders of A.A. I suggest you read the A.A. blue book.

      Some people use these forums, I believe, because they may have a problem which can be solved reasonably easily but they just may be lonely. BUT, we should not judge them, we should take care of ourselves first and try to help when we can if it does not interfere with our own sobriety. It is no skin off our noses to read what others have to say; alcoholics in early recovery are vulnerable and can feel lost - I was!

      I wouldn't worry about it, see to yourself and be honest about yourself; help when you can and concentrate on staying sober.

      We're all very confused at first; stopping to drink is just the start of a long journey of self discovery. Read people's posts again and you'll find many are ambiguous. It doesn't really matter. You'll soon recognise the b/s.

      All the best. Peter.

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    • Posted

      Hi Misssy2,

      Good you only drank one day; I don't know anything about the fight with your son or how old he is. Old enough I guess to make you seek some solice in drink. But that was your decision and maybe he was pleased that you did?

      Maybe next time, your winning hand is not to drink......... if there has to be a winner.

      These are things most of us do until we recognise that there are other options to 'escape'. Arguments with family are upsetting; learning to switch off isn't easy but you know you wont find escape in a bottle.

      Take it easy, another of life's problems....... I don't know if you have drink in the house but if you do, better it goes down the sink. A walk to the shop for more might calm you down and save you money,

      Best wishes, Peter.

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    • Posted

      Peter I've posted on here many times. I used to attend AA years ago so am well aware of the blue book. I've had four years sober and relapsed many times and the last to criticise anyone for drinking.
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    • Posted

      Hi vickylou,

      My reply to you was mainly about the confusion you expressed to me in your previous reply to me. My comments weren't directed at you; I mentioned the blue book because I didn't know your history and perhaps I didn't explain things clearly or you misunderstood me? It isn't easy to explain everything on line without ambiguities creeping in.

      I will apologise if I gave the wrong impression because your reply seemed curt. However, I stand by what I said. I will say that 4 years attendence at A.A. groups isn't long enough to achieve long term sobriety but it depends on a lot of things and it's each to their own.

      Some people stop, never seek councelling or A.A. or any outside support. Good for them; I needed to or die.

      I didn't suggest that you would critiise anyone for drinking; I just know from experience that some alcoholics lie and I wasn't thinking at all about you and you didn't say that I had. I also tried to explain that some newcomers tell lies for a variety of different reasons - most of which are not meant to cause harm or mislead anyone. For me, that's one reason why they need A.A.

      I could relapse at anytime; there aren't any A.A. groups within 250 miles in the country I now live in and that's one reason I joined this forum. To help and be helped. I'm trying to start a group here but it's very difficult.

      Best wishes, Peter.

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    • Posted

      well said Peter and great chats you are all having. You must feel isoloated where you are but this forum can and will help since we are all in the same boat!! Keep well and thanks for your insights. Robin
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    • Posted

      Thanks Robin,

      You're welcome; I feel lucky to have a lot of experiences to share. We all need each others help and I believe we'll need some kind of help forever; I also believe fervently in straight talking (with compassion) and that sharing with other alcoholics is the best medicine to stay sober.

      You keep well too. Peter.

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