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Dead by xmas?

Posted , 5 users are following.

amberblack
amberblack

i have been having this fear lately that im going to die before christmas. I really love christmas, always looking forward to it. But it seems like everything I love is being crushed by the anxiety I have. I have been having some unexplained health issues lately, been constipated for like a week now, had blood in stool (which I did NOT get checked out since I visited my doctor 21 times this year - I counted, and nothing was wrong and they were like "uh ur just crazy" so im over it), weird dizziness and migraines, fatigue (might be connected to upcoming period) but i dont know, I cant be happy since im like "uhh, gonna be dead till the 24th so why even wrap the gifts i bought". Its sounds a little psycho doesnt it? How can I get rid of these feelings? Kinda trying to keep myself moving but you know, cant be doing something 24hours a day. 

thanks for any advice ?

 

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • borderriever
    borderriever amberblack

    Posted

    Amberblack

    Some Christmas I have been the same, I become frightened that my Death would happen on Christmas Day or New Years Day. That made me more determined to stay on this crazy world over the festive season, because can you imagine if you did die over Christmas Morning Breakfast or Dinner what sort of Christmas wold you pass down to your family and those who love you. Every Christmas would bring out your death, the memories of your head flopping into the tomato soup. People would grieve and discuss your death for the rest of their lives. Christmas Eve, Christ was born it is the season of a new life and faith.

    You do not mention if you are still bleeding when going to the toilet, if yes you will need to make it visit number twenty two, sorry

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

    BOB

    • amberblack
      amberblack borderriever

      Posted

      Thanks bob for responding once again. I did not bleed since then, im just kinda constipated. if i make it 22, my GP will kill me. 

      Yeah, the irrational fear of death during the holidays sucks. I always get this picture in my head, being in ER sick during christmas eve with my whole family and just hurting everyone around me. It sucks badly. 

      Merry xmas to you too. ❤️

    • borderriever
      borderriever amberblack

      Posted

      Amberjack

      I tried to take my life over the Christmas period over ten years ago and I am still feeling the after effects.

      My wife looks after my medications and every time I see my CPN they ask me if I am ok and not going to do it again. I am watched like a hawk

      BOB

  • lea66744
    lea66744 amberblack

    Posted

    I have the exact same feeling! I suffer with servere health anxiety and noticed in my throat I have a click almost like a bone clicking, since then I have also noticed clicking when I swallow aswell from the other side, and when I clench my jaw so he muscles underneath pop out on one side you can feel like a squelch on that same side and let’s not forget to mention I have a hard bony lump in the foot of my mouth which is directly above he clicking throat and it’s like next to my gum that’s been there for over a year which I choose to ignore rather than play my my anxiety which now I wish I didn’t do in my head I’m thinking I had mouth cancer that has now spread to the jaw or throat and I’m going to die soon! I have also lost my appetite which makes me think that it’s gone to far now! I have been to the dr and she said the clicking was nothing but probs cartilage and bloods were fine, but at that point forgot about the lump in my mouth! I am usually so excited for Xmas but this year I just think what’s the point im going to die soon because she Cancer has spread to far for them to do anything!! 😭😭

    • amberblack
      amberblack lea66744

      Posted

      Well just for some reasurance, having cancer, very serious disease, in your body for a year, your blood tests would be all over the place, and most importantly, you would not be able to function at all.. cancer aint cold, it will knock u down hard, and even harder if left untreated. Im no doctor but it could be just some jawbone issue, i dont know. You should try chiropractor. I totally get the avoiding and irrational fear, i have been there many times. But im pretty sure youve got nothing to worry about. :-) 
  • lea66744
    lea66744 amberblack

    Posted

    Thanks that makes me feel a little better! You too though! Us anxiety sufferers are easy to give advice, but will never take our own 😂.

    I would imagine that your issue could be anything minor if it helps when I saw the dr and raves about cancer she said I will

    Give you an example.. bowel cancer or anything serious with the bowels we would look at someone maybe 50’s usually men more than woman and they would be having servere bowel problems for 6 months and more and is becoming much worse! Blood in stools, if your constipated could it be piles? Or anything like that as sometimes

    I have hear people say they have gone to the toilet and he whole toilet has been filled with blood and they have panicked only to find its piles! Your fatigue, headaches and all that very common anxiety symptoms and the more us suffers focus on it the worse it gets! Anxiety is a awful and viscous cycle! 😊

    • amberblack
      amberblack lea66744

      Posted

      Yeah,  you are right. I thought I have cancer since the begging of this year, my stomach was burning all the time and I vomited a few times and I was like "mom, dad.. its cancer." And they were like "you are so stupid, my god" i did not take any advice, I had to get a camera to my literal guts to trust im okay. Literally nothing found. Nothing. I just annoyed everybody and they will laugh at me till the end of times.. Well i have chronic constipation since I was like 5 years old, never really got it checked out and im like "uh so now my constipation turned into cancer" which is terrible to think, im attracting bad s*** to my life and I cant stop myself so I get u on spiritual level. Now i have an ice pick headache, it hurts.. and of course i think i have stroke. Its happening now. I sometimes just try to ignore myself and laugh cause im craaaazyyy.. :D 

  • eva98245
    eva98245 amberblack

    Posted

    Get your lithium level checked!! Nobody really does it but its crazy important for your brain
  • borderriever
    borderriever amberblack

    Posted

    Amberblack

    It is important you are comfortable in your on skin and the Doctor will try to put your fears to rest, the problem is Anxiety patients keep expecting invasive tests and are unable to understand the dangers of many test.prescribed, Given this you need to accept and trust the test results and understand errors made are rare.

    I understand you take Lithium, if you feel your medication is not working it is important that you discuss that with your GP. He is unable to know if not told how you are so you will need to discuss that in practice

    BOB

     

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