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Dealing with a depressed friend

Posted , 5 users are following.

michelle1985
michelle1985

Hi, I was hoping I could get some advice.

I have a friend who is really depressed. I'm not too sure about the reasons why. I think it stems from his childhood.

Recently his marriage has broken up. He has moved back in with his father and brother and one of his kids is now refusing to talk to him.

Despite several attempts from his wife trying to get him to see someone about his problems - he never has.

He has a drinking problem too, but doesn't seem to want to admit he does.

He recently confided in me that he had a first appointment with a counsellor, so I want to help in any way I can.

I suffered depression a few years ago so I can understand a little how he must be feeling.

I'm the only one he's mentioned it to. Not even his family know.

I contact him almost every day and tell him how I'll be here whenever he needs me.

I know he feels ashamed, even though I told him there is nothing to be ashamed of and he feels less of a man.

He seems to have shunned off all my efforts to try and help him. I'm trying to tread carefully in what I say.

Should I give him some breathing space and let him go at his own pace or should I try and encourage him a bit more?

His sessions are only once a fortnight for about 2 or 3 sessions, then after that they are once a month. I feel once a month is a big gap, esecially since I had sessions once a week.

I feel like I should have all the answers since I've been through it and come out the other side. But I just keep drawing a blank. I don't wanna let him down, I feel he's turned to me, and trusted me for a reason.

I have a few suggestions that might help him, but I don't want to overload him. I only mentioned one to him, which was to try and write down his feelings on paper at the end of the day. It was something I used to do. But his reaction made me feel like he wasn't willing to try. He refuses to go on any medication as he thinks he will end up "like a zombie" and in responce to the sessions. I think he thinks they will not really help.

He's come so far already by just taking the first step, but I want to see him continue with the steps and not watch him fall back down. 

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • michael_37726
    michael_37726 michelle1985

    Posted

    Hi Michelle

    I identify with your freind as I suffer with depression and also had a problem with alcohol. I would say that the reason he is drinking is to self medicate to blunt his feelings as that is what I done because the meds did not help me at all. Everyone is different and meds may help him but I don't think meds are a long term fix but they can get you out of the worst. It would be good for him to try and go to an alcoholics anonymous meeting but the thing is he will only do that if he wants to so it's no good trying to make him go. I was in denial for many years but then realised I defiantly had a problem. I first went to AA 6 years ago and have not had a drink since. If only he can do this for himself then he will be able to deal with the depression. I still suffer with depression but it's far more easy to deal with if I stay sober. He really needs to address this because if he carries on the way he is then nothing will change, believe me I know as been there myself. It's really hard but the truth is if you don't help yourself then know one can help you. I'm sorry if that all seems a bit harsh but I'm just being completely honest. It' a good thing that he has confided in you at least that's a good start because its best to talk about these things and not keep it secret as its nothing to be ashamed of 

    • michelle1985
      michelle1985 michael_37726

      Posted

      Hi Michael,

      Thanks for the reply.

      He did tell me more recently his drink  is to help forget the problems.

      I wouldn't go as far to say he is an alcoholic. If there is a reason for it though - he will (football, bbq etc)

      I think medication could be an option, perhaps wait and see how he finds a few more sessions first. I feel maybe another reason he didn't want them is because of mixing them with alcohol? He will probably still want that as his coping mechanism.

      I'm trying to find things he might be interested in and get him out a bit more.

      He goes to work, then either goes to the pub then home. Or just straight home, doesn't really interact with anyone unless it's in the pub. He visited me once and I thought it went OK, he said he would come again the next week. But changed his mind at the last minute and said he couldn't be bothered, things were getting on top of him.

    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 michelle1985

      Posted

      Yes it's all classic signs of depression. I hope things will get better for him and he is lucky to have you to help 
  • abraham62199
    abraham62199 michelle1985

    Posted

    Medication is not a problem, a lot of the time you take it at night as or 2 hours before going to bed. Yes you are advised not to drink with it. If I am going to drink I dont go out/drive or go out only have a couple small glasses of wine or alcahol free beer. I have a couple of small glasses of wine at home. But after a few years you try to figure it out that so  no-one knows you are depressed and yet you still have a life. Mixing medication with alcahol makes you tired so be aware of that. Perhaps not the best of advise, but life has got to go on.
  • health30082
    health30082 michelle1985

    Posted

    Really there is nothing to be ashamed.Take him to new place for relife.Give a positive advice.
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