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Dealing with a meddlesome loved one

Posted , 11 users are following.

sharcerv52408
sharcerv52408

I need to tell someone that their comments, while they may mean well,  have not been helpful but I don't know how to say it. 

This lady at my church is my husband's Godmother and has been more like a mother to him since his own mother lived abroad. During my peri symptoms  I have lost weight. She came up to me and began questioning what's going on. I told her my weight loss was hormonally related and I thought she'd understand since she used to be a nurse and is post menopausal herself. Everytime she sees me she makes comments about my weight like,  "are you eating? " "you need to gain more weight. " As if I'm doing any of this on purpose. I sometimes feel anxious about all of these symptoms anyway and to have to be bombarded with it from others doesn't help. How can I tell her to bug off without being rude?  She is hard to approach and easily offended. Any suggestions? 

0 likes, 30 replies

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  • jayneejay
    jayneejay sharcerv52408

    Posted

    Hi Shar

    oh i had that too, i lost alot of weight in peri, and didnt have any spare to lose in first place ..

    still like it now post meno.... 

    difficult one, but can understand totally how you feel.

    I am adraid i am straight  to the point if some one makes comments i tell them straight no matter what.. ' its personal ' and they should keep their opinions to themselves 

    hope you find the right words 

    jay x

     

    • annieschaefer
      annieschaefer jayneejay

      Posted

      Perfect advice Jay! 

      I'm straight to the point as well, probably more so now, so I have to watch that I don't come across really hostile. When I was younger I was more worried about being offensive to others when infact they were really out of line. Now I don't mind saying my peace, in a respectful manner and moving on. So there are some pluses to this time in our lives afterall!

      Shar-no harm in letting that person know as you did, that this is hormonal related, then move on. Don't take her words to heart, really.

      Annie xx

    • sharcerv52408
      sharcerv52408 jayneejay

      Posted

      Yeah. That has always been hard for me to shoot straight from the hips with people. But I guess now is a good a time as any to start. Thanks for understanding.
    • jayneejay
      jayneejay annieschaefer

      Posted

      Hi annie 😊

      yes theres always a firm and repectful way. 

      i use to say... Look so i have lost some weight so what.. 

      i also said.. Its just as offensive to remark on someone who is thin as it is someone who is alot heavier.. So if you dont mind, i would sooner not hear your comments.

      i smile as the other week my partner said to me, ( he works away) he said your jeans are hanging off you 😳

      well that quite annoyed me in the middle of a store.. So i said oh thanks very much .... i best go and buy some smaller ones then had I .. 

      Grrrrrrrr

      jay xx

      jay xx

    • sharcerv52408
      sharcerv52408 annieschaefer

      Posted

      You're absolutely right. I should just ignore her because I don't need any more stress in my life. Thanks!
    • marlene21102
      marlene21102 jayneejay

      Posted

      Me to Jay ,straight to it ,only way to go at it ,when I lost over 4 stone in 4 months ,due to illness ,I got sick and tired of Oh not put that weight back on ,just told them to shut up ,It stopped .

        People should just leave you alone ,would they like it ,hell no comes across as nagging  what got my weight back up was a METATONE ,a nurse told me to get this ,but only the once .Now that was a help .Yes it's personal to you ,grown up know when to ask for advice .some just plain old busy bodies .there a pain .

  • Chrisy
    Chrisy sharcerv52408

    Posted

    If in doubt don't, your instinctively not saying anything as you know she will be offended.  I would remember she is only trying to help and try my best to ignore her advice.  Or you could tell a little lie and say that your doctor is aware and trying to help.  Things should tail off soon as you can't lose weight forever.  Or you could go to the doc and get checked out to make sure nothing is wrong and report the findings to her.  She may be just worrying for you as most people do not understand weight loss is normal for some people as it is a sign of serious illness in others.  A doctors check up might alleviate your worries too.  Good luck. 
    • sharcerv52408
      sharcerv52408 Chrisy

      Posted

      The only thing my doctors mention when I go for a physical is my cholesterol which I have to watch and my bp which I am on meds for. I also need more iron and was low on vitamin D. But other than that I am within the normal Body Mass Index with my weight so they are not concerned. My blood work with everything else comes back normal. I think it is definitely ny own anxiety about this time in my life and how it sometimes effects how I feel that makes things worse. Then to have someone like her buzzing around in my ear doesn't help.
    • Chrisy
      Chrisy sharcerv52408

      Posted

      Hi, I just googled High Cholesterol & bp, low iron and vit D.  Sifting through all the usual scare stories that you can usually ignore, something became apparent, stress can be a contributor to low vit D levels.  Lack of fat in your diet can reduce absorbtion of vit d as it is a fat soluble vtiamin.  Try to relax and stop worrying about what others think or say.  Hopefully when you relax your weight will come back up and your D levels will rise.  They say stress is a killer for a reason.  It affects the body greatly.  I am sure you are a lovely lady to be worrying about upsetting someone who does not have the same consideration for you.  Just ignore her, like nearly everyone else is saying.
    • sharcerv52408
      sharcerv52408 Chrisy

      Posted

      Yes I have been under stress. Going through these crazy changes with two little ones around and no one to help you out with them and a husband who is busy a lot is enough to stress anyone out. But I am a lot better dealing with the stress now. As for that lady, our paths didn't cross yesterday, thankfully. But I already have it rehearsed what I will tell her next time opportunity presents itself.
    • Chrisy
      Chrisy sharcerv52408

      Posted

      Good for you.  This is a golden opportunity to try to have a little more fat in your diet but try to be healthy with it.  Like oily fish for the Omega 3 too.  Cook with Olive oil and take time for yourself each day.  Purposely make a time that is totally yours to do something you like doing.  Even if it is 10 minutes. Your worth it!!!!! biggrin
  • Snatchpiece
    Snatchpiece sharcerv52408

    Posted

    Hi Shar,

    Thats a difficult one as last year when I first started with this horrible time my so called best friend who worked for my husband and I, made a comment back to me "I wouldnt mind having a melt down like you" (as at that time I couldnt work and it lasted for two weeks and wouldnt see anyone) just shut myself in our bedroom as our dog walker and this friend both used our facilities as they worked from our home.

    I had another so called best friend who said "I'd be careful if I were you saying that there is something wrong with you when there isnt, because one day when there is no one will believe me"

    Both of these comments are still raw to me but I havent really bothered with either of them since as I feel a coward and hate hurting peoples feelings even though others dont seem to mind hurting me.

    Sorry I cant be any more help to you but just wanted you to know that your not a lone. My owm mum went round telling people that I had medical issues (why do they do or say such silly things, as I am certainly not proud of how I have been feeling.

    Some people don't even think before they open their mouths do they and think how you may take what they are saying.

    I have even kept away from seeing my own Mum in fear of what she might say next, I certainly dont feel any support from her. I havent seen her since May this year as I know when I am feeling great I am frightened that she will say something and un do all of the good of trying to get back the old Joy back who didnt suffer with health anxiety, etc. prior to 2012.

    Massive hugs to you, but if you feel you cant say anything back to her then perhaps the next time she does say anything " just tell her that she doesn't know what she is talking about and just walk away before she can say anything back and hurt you some more."

    Joy xx

    • sharcerv52408
      sharcerv52408 Snatchpiece

      Posted

      Yeah, my husband said that I should just try to brush her off somehow. He had to learn how to get her out of his hair with another issue regarding himself. She is just one of those individuals who just doesn't know how to keep her nose out of people's business. She can come up to you and say stuff but if you try and say stuff back she acts like she's the victim and the one being attacked.
    • jayneejay
      jayneejay sharcerv52408

      Posted

      Hi Shar

      yes theres a few like that about.. Dont know the meaning of Tact ..

      you have to pity them as they are obviously abit dim

      especially when they dont like it themselves ..

      i am a great believer in ' reverse the situtation' the how you you feel etc should you say something and not like it said to yourself ..

      ignore her ..

      or tell her to wind her neck in 😃

      hahaha

      jay x

  • Glennie68
    Glennie68 sharcerv52408

    Posted

    Hi There!

    You know what I think you just have to pitch it this way and say something like - you being a nurse I thought you would understand what it is to go through the menopause and the effects it can have one you. I am keeping myself as well as I can and yes I have lost weight - but I am not ill and you shouldn't worry yourself about it.

    Sometimes you just have to lay things on the line and spell it out!

    Hope it helps - and good luck with it - I hate conflict myself xxxx

    • sharcerv52408
      sharcerv52408 Glennie68

      Posted

      Thank you.  I will try to be more straight forward with her. If I don't then she will keep it up. 
    • jayneejay
      jayneejay sharcerv52408

      Posted

      Yes try and nip it in the bud..

      they say life is too short ... yeah yeah..

      but its also too short for hassle from interfering busy bodies ..

      be happy .. Be yourself ... 

      good luck hun

      jay xx

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