Dealing with alcoholic husband. Could use some supportive words...

Just what am I dealing with, here? Perhaps a covert narcissist or alcoholic or both?

Married 18 years, though we’ve been together 25. Two daughters. One turned 18 about a week ago, and the other is 15. Both see how dad is. I don’t know if they connect the dots that dad is this way because of alcohol. Maybe, maybe not.

Last night is one example of what I’ve dealt with for the better part of 25 years. Why do I stay? I don’t know. Perhaps out of duty. Perhaps for my kids. Perhaps because I’ve given up so much over the years (being a stay at home mom for two different stints, and moving twice for HIS college and career) that my income is not what would sustain me and the kids. Besides, I think part of me feels like I can’t do it on my own and would seem like a failure.

Anyways back to last night, just one example of the crap I put up with. I don’t know how to counteract him so I fear I’m just making the situation worse. He drank eight beers, then wanted more. He wanted my daughter to drive me to go buy it. He already had 8 beers within 4 hours, then drank 12-16 oz of my wine (I got one beer and one glass of wine before it was gone). Then he proceeded to pester me again about getting more beer. I told him no three times, then he tells our daughter he needs cottage cheese to go with the homegrown tomatoes we were having for dinner, but the real thing is he wanted the beer. Hiding the beer desire behind cottage cheese for my daughter’s sake. Crazy. I told him firmly no. I told him he’d had enough. I should’ve known better because when he gets drunk he gets mean. Then I end up audio recording conversations because people wouldn’t believe what a jerk he is. Though I’ve never played the recordings for anyone. So when he gets drunk and mean, he finds scapegoats. Then he repetitively brow beats them. It’s almost like he gets off on bullyinig his wife and/or daughters. It must make him feel powerful or something. You should hear the recording. I tried to be sensible, but he is insane.  Anyways, another reason I wanted him to take it easy on the alcohol was because he’s taking my daughter to her college orientation today and picking up her new roommate on the way. They all had to get up around 5:30 a.m. today so I wanted everyone to be fresh today. Hopefully he was.

I’ve come to a point where I am recording not only our ridiculous conversations, but also the amount of beer he’s drinking. He doesn’t drink during the week most of the time. However there are times when he does. Most of the time it’s Friday night through Sunday night. He starts drinking beer from the moment the coffee is gone in late morning. Friday nights he drinks 6-12. Saturdays maybe 12-18, then most of the time does it again on Sunday. He usually picks a fight with one of us and creates a hell of a lot of drama. He knows everything. The rest of us are stupid. He looks down his nose at us, yaddayadda, then he passes out on the couch and slobbers and snores all night. The next morning he pretends nothing has happened.

I’m quite sick of it all. I’m ready to leave but can’t. I think he’s abusive emotionally but need confirmation. I need to know how to deal with someone like this. At least for the next three years until my daughter graduates from high school. I see no other alternative.

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