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Hello everyone! I’m new on here and I apologize if this is very long winded.
I’ll start from the top.
As a teenager I drank very occasionally, sometimes a semi-mild binge night and sometimes just a little bit. Up until I hit about 22 not much changed. At 22 I would go out to the local clubs once a week to every other week and I would have probably 6-8 whiskey cokes.
At 24 things started to get fairly bad but I was still a functional person. I would split a 5th to a half gallon of vodca between 3 people probably at least 3-4 nights per week. I always rebounded quickly and was able to work.
July of 2016 I attempted to leave my partner of 6 years. I felt that if I left I would be able to easily stop drinking. The relationship had also deteriorated pretty considerably and I had developed feelings for someone else, something I feel very horrible about.
In October of 2016 he committed suicide and I was the one who found him. I was devastated, overcome with crippling guilt, depressed and utterly lost.
Since then my life has completely fallen apart. I wasted all the life inshurance money partying and drinking myself stupid. Woke up wile on vacation in Canada with a guy in my bed that I hardly remembered from the night before.
I attempted to stop drinking multiple times but I guess the alcoholism monster has gotten me. The person I’m with now also drinks just as heavily as he knew my partner and also feels guilt for his suicide.
Me and him moved to Arizona this last September to get away from all the people who knew our story in an attempt to start over and stop drinking. It worked for a while but problems have a way of catching up to you and now we are worse then ever. I am now 26 and he is 21. Neither of us can seem to hold down a job to save our lives and we are both totally broke. I really don’t know what to do anymore or how to get help. I am terrified this is going to kill one or both of us or land us in prison.
I am also really worried because after the last couple binges I am not bouncing back and it’s been about 5 days since I’ve had anything to drink other than half of a half pint tonight. I literally feel like I’m dying and can hardly get out of bed. My abdomen hurts and my liver feels tender. I also seem to be having really pale bm’s and the ends of my toes are numb. I don’t know if this is something that would be normal after a really excessive several day long binge or if I should be worried about my liver. Or maybe detox symptoms?
I mean I have only been drinking really excessively for about 2 years and having mild to moderate binges 2-3 times a month for 2 years before that. Is it even possible for me to have wrecked my liver at 26 from 4 years of drinking more than I should?
Thanks to anyone who bothered to read all that. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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