Debilitating physical symptoms - anxiety? What can I do?

Hey all,

I have been experiencing a very tight/heavy/crushed feeling in my chest for a couple of years now, pretty much 24/7. Additionally, an area in my left side seems to flare up with very noticeable tightness - often I get them both at the same time. It has gone on for so long now, and it is kind of starting to just wreck my life. I can feel/notice it particularly when I'm sat down or lie down (which is very often) and it makes it incredibly difficult to work or to relax. Often when in these positions it's borderline impossible not to notice these feelings which I think just perpetuates it.

Before a few years ago, I didn't get these feelings at all - maybe once or twice for a couple of days if something sad happened (e.g. the death of a pet).

To give a bit of background, I was in a horribly traumatising relationship that went long distance (very long distance - UK to USA) with someone with borderline personality disorder and a drinking problem, and it was a total mess and I endured much abusive behaviour for a long time & the breakdown of the relationship was very dragged out. Towards the final 6 months of the relationship (and probably the worst part of it), I got a kidney stone, which was horrendously painful and again lasted 2 months and I remained an anxious mess after it, and I've never been quite the same since. Whilst I had my stone, I couldn't help but have a laser like focus on any sensations or pains going through my body, as sometimes it would mean a 'kidney stone attack' (pretty much meaning that my stone was moving - hello agonising pain) was imminent - and it seems as though my body has never really come down from this hypervigilant state - and coupled with the trauma I was going through with my relationship at the time, I think that it got made much worse - and after a while, I realised that I'd been in this state for a while, and so I started to focus on these physical sensations & wanting to get rid of them, and I think that has just made it worse.

To make things even worse, I have been trying to move away for the past 3 years and it has gone wrong each year and have therefore been stuck pretty much in the very same position as i've been in since that relationship started to go downhill and I had my kidney stone - a position i've been desperately trying to get out for a while - I have spent the last few years working jobs that I've not been happy in, and trying to save aggressively and living at my parents house, in a town where I haven't got many friends, and now with coronavirus we've been living under very tough restrictions the entire time, so I have spent so much time 'in my head' with very little distraction from my thoughts or from noticing these physical symptoms & probably perpetuating the issue.

I honestly don't know what I can do about it any more and it's really starting to have a negative affect on my happiness and my life, I feel like i can't really do anything without noticing it and therefore I am not really progressing with anything. I just feel like my body is in a constant state of tension. There are some times where it isn't as bad as other times, but it very easily gets triggered again and I'm back to square one with it.

However, I do have hope that once I move away (though I'm not sure when this will be) that this could alleviate a little bit - I will be in a totally new environment, and maybe I won't have to work at a desk for a couple of months and be on my feet more and maybe have more opportunity to be distracted and not be in my head so much.

Apart from this issue, I am fairly happy and I did have CBT back during the really traumatising parts of the relationship, so I'm not sure if more CBT could help with this. I also exercise and do yoga everyday, and did do meditation for about 8 months but it was just making me focus on these physical symptoms even more so I ended up stopping, but perhaps I could try focusing on a physical object instead of my breath/body.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for here, I wanted to get this off my chest and to hear from others who've been through something similar and perhaps have advice for what has helped them. Has anyone had similar symptoms for as long as this?

Additionally, as this has gone on for so long now, should I be worried about the damage that all of this stress on my body may be doing in the long term?

Thank you for taking the time to read.

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