Decided to die because there’s no reason for me to live

Edited , 4 users are following.

I've given it serious thought and I really think dying is the best thing I could do. I haven't decided on how yet but I'm going to do it before I turn 30, so that gives me 4 months.

I haven't really accomplished anything in almost 30 years so what's the point in carrying on? Deciding to die has made me feel better even if I haven't settled on a method yet. It's the best thing for me at this point. People say suicide is selfish but in some cases it's actually more selfish to carry on living and wasting space and resources.

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  • Posted

    Hi glasshalfempty,

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    If you are based outside of the UK.

    The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.

    Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

    Patient

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  • Edited

    I am sorry you’re feeling this way. It must be very difficult for you. is there anything specific that led you to this conclusion? I was just wondering if anything happened in your life that may have caused you to feel depression or that there’s no hope.

    you don’t need to share that if it’s too private.

    you are very Young and have plenty of time to make positive changes in your life.

    I have a friend who was in his 40s working minimum wage and feeling very down. Very Depressed actually. there were also some other things going on in his life. he said he felt like a failure. Eventually he ended up going to a career center and started learning about tiling. He now has his own business and is making over $100,000 a year! Never did he ever dream he could do that . he thought he was all washed up. Now he looks back and realizes the time he was really down was just a short snippet in his life. He’s very grateful and feels blessed that he didn’t give up.

    Feel free to share anything you would like including how you are feeling, more about how you got to this decision , anything at all. if you ever need to talk to somebody 24 seven here is a phone number that is confidential. If you live in the US call this number and they will talk to you. They also have resources for counseling etc. 800-273-8255.

    i know you’re feeling really despondent, but I really encourage you to call that number or speak to a counselor that you may know.

    Very often just being able to vent how you feel and getting a fresh perspective on your situation can really help! I talk to a counselor once a week virtually and every time I do I learn something new and I get suggestions that I would not have thought of. There are so many resources out there that you may not even be aware of! there are so many resources out there that you may not even be aware of! Give yourself a chance! You deserve it. We are here for you . ❤

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    • Edited

      I really feel like my life is over. I've been depressed since I was 9, in and out of mental health services since I was 15, finally diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at 29. I'm a complete loser; I've only had one job (minimum wage and I was fired), a useless stupid art degree, currently studying for an undergrad degree that, let's face it, I'm too old for. Even if I graduate, who cares? I'm miles behind my peers and I can never make up for that. Nobody in their right mind would hire me for anything. If that wasn't pathetic enough, I'm still a virgin and have never had a relationship. And I still live with my parents, who shouldn't be burdened with me anymore.

      I've tried therapy and it didn't work. I've phoned crisis lines I don't know how many times. It's not fair to keep using up these resources when I'm obviously a lost cause. I'm glad your friend's doing better but it won't happen to me. Killing myself is a good thing, trust me.

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  • Edited

    hi glass, i know partly how you feel. i sometimes do reach this point. why? you want to go why? what haven't you achieved and who has told you you must do this, that or the other? what do YOU want from your life if you carried on? what could make you stay? i am 47 and got the feelings like you have after a counseling session to do with rape last year. try to talk to people, keep talking. who would miss you if you went? do people know how awful you feel? have you spoken to anyone else about this? what did they say? poor you. go do something you want. now. oh and keep telling us. i am here all day, as are other people.

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    • Edited

      I want to die because my life is a waste and it's not going to get better.

      I haven't achieved anything because I'm a loser.

      I want to be a scientist - stupid, right? I'm too stupid and too old now.

      There is nothing in this world that could make me stay.

      I've been 'talking to people' since I was 15. None of it has worked. I'm a lost cause.

      Nobody would miss me. Maybe my parents would be upset at first, but they'd get over it. The rest of my family wouldn't even notice I was gone.

      There's no point in speaking to anyone else. I've been complaining about my mental health to them for years and they've had to put up with me being suicidal for a long time. They're sick of dealing with me.

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    • Posted

      oh glass, i don't know what to say. i am not in any position to lecture you, but i can hear your story and try to just listen. i am not an expert, i am not a professional, i am not your family, i am independent. scream, rant, shout, get sad, sob and tell me whatever you want. you would be missed i'm sure. sorely and by lots of people. family can bugger you up. i was raped when i was 19 then left. i almost took my life over it. you need to reach out to who you want, the fact that you're replying is because? why did you do that? just think why? i don't understand really deep depression from an expert point of view, but i know this if you speak to someone it DOES help! 1 step at a time, 1 tiny step. and who says you can't be a scientist, have you asked, have you checked? i want a different job, i am 47 and the kids i wanted to have are missing, whether i can have them now remains to be seen. see? i DO partly understand! keep talking, i don't care when and i don't care how. i am impartial.

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  • Posted

    Update

    I’ve thought it through and dying really is the best option for me in the long run. I’ve picked a reliable method and am certain there is nothing else I or anyone else can do for me.

    I intended to be further on in life and to have achieved more by the time my 20s finished but I’m still a failure. There’s no reason to keep living. We put an animal down when there’s no hope of recovery and poor quality of life, so why shouldn’t I do the same?

    So that’s that. I’ll get my affairs in order before my next birthday and I can finally stop being a burden and a disappointment to everyone. I know some people will be upset but they have to understand that I’m only doing what’s best for them. They’ll be sad at first but eventually, they’ll see this was a good decision and they’ll be much happier. They might even forget I existed altogether. That’s all I want.

    I think 29 is a good age for me to die.

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  • Posted

    hi ladies, i just can't believe that's what you're contemplating. so sad, i feel so sorry for you both. is there really no other way?

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    • Posted

      No. It's for the best. Lots of people have used up their time and resources on trying to make me better but it's all been wasted. I can't keep selfishly living when I'm really just a worthless failure who shouldn't have been born in the first place.

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  • Posted

    hi glass, i have days when i wonder if i should be alive then other days when i think nobody will tell me what to do and i want to be alive. assault has done this to my mind but if i don't live the people who assaulted me would have won. why should i let them? i think you need to try to understand what is making you feel so terrible, not to anyone, not with anyone but alone. write down why you think living is bad, then write down why living might be good. see which list wins. you might then physically see your answer. people may want you to live for a reason, think about this too. i am no expert but only deal in truth.

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  • Edited

    so listen to a guy named David Goggins on YouTube. He was going through what you are, he had a horrible childhood, was called every name in the book, depressed, etc. he had every reason to not want to be here, but he decided that it didn’t matter what anybody else thought of him, he was not going to give up. His talks are awesome.

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