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I'm a 16-year-old boy. I got my first noticeable sign of puberty when I was 13. I looked extremely young for my age (and I still do). I had good friends, even a best friend. Back then I thought everything was fine and that my puberty would progress normally. But then, nothing happened. I started looking even younger as years passed by. My best friend found other friends and they formed a group, kind of. They rarely invited me when they went out, so I began asking if I could join them. Sometimes it was fine by them, sometimes it wasn't. I'd hang out with them a few times but it just felt too awkward: I hadn't much common with the group and the distance between me and my friend just grew as he progressed through puberty and nothing happened to me. I started to suspect that my (former) best friend just doesn't really care about me, but, however, I'm not sure if that's the case.
About half a year ago I became depressed and I didn't want to hang out with anyone. My mother set me ridiculous curfews, which just discouraged me more from hanging out with anyone. Yes, I do realize that curfews are a good thing, but it just seems to be so that my mother doesn't realize how old I am: seems like she rather treats me based on my size. My friend asked me a few times what was going on and I just replied how it was. Sometimes he would try and talk to me at school, but I did notice how he enjoyed his other friends' company much more. Summer break began and I didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. I thought that I should clear things up with him and asked him if he thought we're still friends. He said he thinks we are, but not necessarily very good ones since we haven't talked that much. I agreed and we had a quite long chat. He admitted they had formed a group and he hadn't really asked me to hang out. I told him about the problems regarding my delayed puberty. We agreed that we should see each other. But now it's been 2 weeks and I haven't heard from him. I know he has been busy with his summer job, but I don't know if I should be concerned he hasn't even asked me what's up. I just keep overanalyzing the situation. I asked him if he really wanted to be friends and he told me he wanted to be "some kind of friends". I've been thinking about that for two weeks and I still have no idea what that is supposed to mean. Sometimes I just think about the worst-case scenario, him hating me etc., but sometimes I think it's going to be okay.
Regarding my puberty, I had testosterone shots almost a year ago prescribed by my doctor. They certainly helped a bit, my puberty progressed a little again. But still, my appearance basically didn't change one bit. I did grow a little, I'm about 5'6" now (hope I got the conversion right, haha). A few months ago my doctor offered me another course of testosterone as my puberty hadn't progressed that much. I said I'd think about it. I'm definitely taking another course when I visit my doctor next time (about two months later) as it's embarrassing enough to turn 16 looking like this, let alone turning 17 or even 18 looking like a child. My looks are causing me low self-esteem. I can somehow cope with my low self-esteem by doing well at school. But then again, I don't think that is a good thing. On a scale from 4 to 10, 4 being fail and 10 being excellent, I couldn't really "accept" anything lower than a 9.5. I guess I compensated my looks by academical success. I got my grades pretty well above 9.5, practically without doing anything. I'm starting a school next fall which I think corresponds to a high school in the USA. I'm sure I'll do well, but I keep thinking: what if I won't be a good student anymore? My self-esteem would hit the floor.
I really appreciate if you read the whole thing. My English isn't that good as it's not my native language, but I hope you understand it. Any tips or insights regarding my situation are welcome. There sure isn't an easy solution, but I must start somewhere.
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