dependant on alcohol and can't overcome it

I will not judge your decision to refuse pills from your doctor but I believe you should reconsider. Let me explain why.

If you are physically dependent on alcohol, you cannot suddenly stop drinking without serious danger to your health. Alcohol withdrawal symptoms can kill. I don't know what sort of symptoms you get when you attempt to stop, but if you have shakiness, sweating, more severe anxiety than usual and a general feeling of being unwell, then you need to consider an alcohol detox.

Alcohol detox consists of taking a drug called Librium (also called Chlordiazepoxide) for a week, starting on high doses and reducing to zero within a week. This is a very safe procedure, if you are supervised for at least the first 48 hours, things like your blood pressure and pulse being checked and being watched for any withdrawal symptoms, although, if the appropriate doses are given, you should have no withdrawal symptoms at all and coming off alcohol should be very comfortable. Often, some vitamins (Vitamin B Compound and Thiamine) are given too, as they replace nutrients lost while you have been drinking too much and probably taking poor diet. A deficiency of thiamine in your body also puts you at risk of alcohol dementia which doesn't only affect older people and, while people can recover from it, many are left with permanent damage. Far better to stop it before it happens!

I do alcohol detoxes with people in similar situations to yourself and they all say that they are surprised by how easy and comfortable it is. It is worth asking your doctor if there is a home detox service in the area where you live.

AA doesn't work for everybody. Their ideas and methods don't suit some people, but that is only one way to get ongoing support. There are other approaches and, it seems, you have more issues to deal with than just the alcohol.

The problem with counselling you have had in the past is that it won't work well while you are still having difficulty with alcohol. Alcohol causes anxiety and depression (or makes it a lot worse) as well as poor quality of sleep which will contribute to your other issues. What you really need to do is to get alcohol out of the equation first and then you will find that other therapies work better.

There is a method of getting off alcohol by simply reducing the alcohol over time until you are completely off it. This is, however, very difficult to achieve as many people find that they start with good intentions but the alcohol consumption creeps back up again. It's far easier to have a day where you stop totally in one go and Librium makes that very much easier to do.

I understand that you may have been given pills in the past which you feel have caused you problems and I would, myself, also be very careful about what I take. However, Librium is very safe if given over a short period of time and alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs in the world for people who get into difficulty with it.

Have a think about it and ask anything you feel you need to ask me about anything I have said here. You can also send me a private message if you prefer.

 where are you? I am worried for you very much. From what y have written it sounds like your in a tough place. 

PLZ come back and let us know how u are.!!!

my heat breaks for all u have been thru. Believe me I've Ben ther in many ways.

let us know if we can help u ASAP.

THANKX

HOPE4CURE