Depersonalisation or not
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Hi everyone,
This is going to be quite a long post but i don't know where else to turn!
A few months back roughly oct time i quit my job as i wasn't finding any job satisfaction but after this happened i woke with just a general feeling of anxiety that would last most of the morning! I tried carrying on as much as possible but ended up bed bound unable to do anything.
I started googling as i was starting to get random thoughts about not loving my husband but just couldn't make sense of this as we have been the best we have ever been in the whole of our 16years together. This then turned into health anxiety thinking something was wrong with me but the DRs did some bloods and everything turned out absolutely fine.
Anyway this is where it got worse as i started googling every mental health condition possible as i just didn't understand what the hell was happening to me, still don't.
I have all these thoughts/voices in my head that go against everything i thought i am! Intrusive thoughts ect.
Now I'm in my head constantly and unable to do anything that i used to.
Its just so bizare, my symptoms are as follows...
Unable to watch any tv go on any social media as everything reminds me of anxiety or violent acts
Intrusive thoughts about horrible things
Insomnia
Loss of learnt information
Loss of function
Loss of personality
Loss of opinion
Suicide thoughts and just unable to carry on like this!
Heart palpitations
No appetite
Loss of feelings/emotions - can cry but only when I'm talking to my husband asking what the hell is wrong with me!!
Asking myself weird questions all the time
Questioning everything i do and say
Cant take in conversations properly
Checking to see if I'm going crazy all the time, seeing if i can remember my past memories!
Past/present and future conversations in my head all the time!
Not been able to understand anything like i used to.
I know this is a lot and when i write it i sound mad i know but what the actual hell?....
My doctor put me on Mirtazapine yesterday but didn't really help me sleep at all really, still kept waking through the night!
Is this depersonalization or not?
I would appreciate anybody's input to actually what the hell has happened to me?
Thanks,
Machaela
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