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DEPPRESSION AND ME

Posted , 5 users are following.

laura11452
laura11452

Decided to write this so other people know that they are not alone in how they feel and they are not weird, abnormal, unworthy etc etc.

That depression affects so many people and can happen to anyone..

I don't want to get up today.

I haven't even opened my eyes and I can feel that deep sinking feeling. 

So many thoughts rushing around in my  head. 

Nothing but negativity I cannot control..

What's the point in getting up?

I feel so alone anyway.

Nobody understands.

Nobody cares.

Everything is such an effort.

I have slept and slept and just want to sleep.

Don't look at me.

Don't talk to me.

Don't you see how much pain I'm in??

I am scared.

Don't judge me.

Don't look at me that way

Don't you see how ugly I feel?

Don't you see how dark my thoughts are?

I just want a hug..No I don't want a hug..I don't know what I want.

I just want to feel happy..

Don't you care?

You fussing too much its irritating..

I am in pain..soo much pain..my head hurts..my heart hurts..

Why would anyone care about me?

I am not good enough.

I don't fit in.

If people knew how I felt inside they wouldn't like me.

Why would someone want to be around someone so negative.

I don't smile anymore.

I don't joke around anymore..

Cannot remember the last time I laughed.

Everything I loved..I hate

I just feel angry, irritated, numb, empty, dead inside..

I cry..I cry again..I do nothing but cry..I cannot stop..

It like a deep dark well and I can see my own scratch marks on the walls from trying to get out..

I don't anwser the phone

I don't answer the door

Everything feels overwhemling

I have no energy.

I can't deal with this.

Where has my life gone?

Do you want to get up? NO

Do you want to eat? NO

Do you want to get dressed? NO

Do you want to talk? NO

Do you want to go out? NO

LEAVE ME ALONE..YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

Just let me sleep..

I don't want to feel like this anymore..

What's the point?

I am just shell that does not function properly anymore..

I wish I was dead..I just want to die..

Why do I keep holding on????

When I am well I enjoy life.. I keep in my head the things that are important to me.. What life was like before I took ill..

There are people I love..love to laugh..love nature. love music..love movies.. love being creative..making things for family and friends.etc etc etc..

I am a bubbly, positive person that loves getting involved in things, studying, helping people and right now I am taking a break from life.. 

I know deep down it will pass when I put some work into helping myself eg. medication and support..I have to work at it.. 

I am the only one that can help myself in getting proper support.

No its not easy..Very small steps..Patience..Acceptance this is the way it is at the minute..Its not my fault..

But I have been here before and know I will get out of it again..

Life is good..Glad I held on..

5 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • Whatamess
    Whatamess laura11452

    Posted

    Hi Laura you have expressed your feelings very well. In fact your words could be describing me right now. 

     

    • laura11452
      laura11452 Whatamess

      Posted

      Thank you..I don't often see a detailed description of how it really is for people suffering depression.. I felt by sharing this not only would people know they are not on their own with the thought process.. But how it affects you emotionally and pyhsically.. There is so much more than what I have written..Its one of the hardest illness's to get across because  people don't understand and cannot pyhsically see it..

      There is also the fact a lot of people don't know how to help..

       

  • iris46
    iris46 laura11452

    Posted

    Hang on in there! Have you got medication? I can identify with a lot of your thoughts. Yes life does get better. I don't know what I have to do to get it better...not much motivation....yet
    • laura11452
      laura11452 iris46

      Posted

      Hi iris I am on medication and getting support..Doing everything I can to get back up..Thank you for your concern.. I was just giving an example of what it is to be depressed..Yes can relate to low motivation and at times have to plan my day and push myself.. Hard to accept when your use to being on the go all the time and now you have lost interest in everything.. But I do what I can when I can..
    • laura11452
      laura11452 iris46

      Posted

      OOh I know what chest infections are like and they are far from nice..I usually find amoxicillan takes two to three days to kick in..

      Hope you get better soon..

    • iris46
      iris46 laura11452

      Posted

      Did the infection make you feel very tired/little appetite?
    • laura11452
      laura11452 iris46

      Posted

      Yes iris i am an Asthmatic and infections even got me hospitalized
  • hypercat
    hypercat laura11452

    Posted

    That's lovely Laura and sums it up exactly.  I am always here for you.  Take care Bev x

     

  • Mashuga
    Mashuga laura11452

    Posted

    A lot of what you describe is how I feel and probably how countless others feel too. Thank you for sharing your experiences and you are not alone. Sometimes I wish people who haven't gone through it could do for just a day so they'd understand. Glad to hear you say life is good as despite how low depression makes you feel you're managing. Take care
    • laura11452
      laura11452 Mashuga

      Posted

      Yes Benny it is a very lonely illness at times..

      Hope you get some good days as well

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