I'm a 22 year old (23 in December) male and being a virgin depresses me to such an extent that it's hindering me from getting on with life; I spend so much of my time masturbating on a consistent basis and easily get distracted due to sexual-frustration. It's ineffable me to describe how badly it's affecting my life. I'll provide a bit of backstory about me to give you guys/girls a better understanding of myself. Most people would never guess I'm a virgin by the way. I've been told I'm confident, charming, and flamboyant.
I was bullied as a child and as a result hung around the wrong kind of people in my teenage years just to fit in. I was living a lie until I was 19 or so; hung around the wrong people, do things to fit in with others. and lived in foster care for a few year. I have never met my real dad but who know he lives abroad. I have 5 siblings who live in foster-care at the moment. I currently live with my mom and recently left my job due to stress but have enrolled on a personal-training course to build on my qualifications and hopefully make a career out of, albeit I'd need a part time job on the side. One reason I didn't do my personal training sooner is because I had a really bad injury on my shoulder and still suffer from muscle imbalance on that site-but if people on wheelchairs can be decent personal, trainers, I can too, right? I'm fit and healthy for the most part and have no problems performing everday tasks, just heavy lifting is a problem, but I'm learning to live with it. I'd like to think I am "my own person now". In the last few years I've made a few real friends. I'm popular. Despite this I wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone in the world about this.
Society frowns upon virgins, particularly if they're male. I've had a girlfriend when I was a lot younger but we wern't ready for ready for sex at the time. I've been single for the last 5 years or so due to a variety of factors. A few people have confessed to me in the last six months, however, I did not find them attractive; now I did consider seeing them because it'd give me a chance to solve my problem-but decided that it would be unfair on both of us, and I really wouldn't want to commit to a relationship that I didn't think would last. So yes, I declinded their offer.
And it's most definitely not my looks the reason I'm still a virgin, I've been told that I am attractive a multitude of times; as flattering as this is, it makes the fact that I'm a virgin even worse. I'm kind of small for a guy but a lot of people find me attractive; albeit most of them are either in a relationship, or I'm not attracted to them, or if I am attracted to them to want to have sex with them, they'd expect to have a relationship after the sexual encounter, and I wouldn't want that unless they were attractive AND right personality wise. I know I'm being picky. I'm also really nervous because I'm inexperienced.
I once went to a massage parlour and tthis attractive thai woman provided me with oral-sex; she said she'd be willing to have sex with me if I paid her £60 next time. While I did consider it, I think it'd mentally-destroy me in the long run; yes, it would help temporarily, but the fact that I'm an attractive person and had to pay for something I could get for free would just make my life even worse. At one point I was considering suicide, albeit this was a few years ago when my social life was dead. I'm not overly fond of clubbing but it is a decent way to get to meet new people and I do go out sometimes with a few friends. There was this one girl that actually offerred me sex too at a club, but she was VERY unnatractive and the kind that was showing EVERY guy attention. However, if she was attractive, I would have obliged despite her unrefined manner. I'm a cynical person but I'm open minded at the same time. Basically I would have been sick if I went through with it, but I DID consider it. Random girls have kissed me full on too on night outs. They imposed themselves on me too. If I did something like that I'd be labelled a pervert.
I just want to experience, sex, you know? I guess that's normal for someone my age. So many people in worse circumstances than mine have enjoyed sex, and I haven't. I know it's a pathetic reason to be depressed about.
Back when I was a carer for an infirm relative and consequently a hermit my social life was beyond-atrocious; after I stopped being a carer and got a shop my life did significantly get better.
At the moment the only thing that keeps me going is that I know that people have it worse than me. There are millions of virgins out there who probably that get no where near the same amount of attention as me, but I'm me, I'm a flawed individual that is mentally-unstable despite my positive-demeanour. Not one of my friends would ever be able to tell I have this problem.
I don't know what I'm expecting from this site? I've read copious amounts of books on how to deal with depression etc etc But I don't think anything other than having sex with someone will solve this. And I want to do it while I'm still young and decent looking. Before someone mentions dating sites I'd not feel comfortable uploading my picture on there partially due to the fact that people I know may use them.
At the moment this is how I view things:
I considering hiring an escort everyday to get it done with. No moral obligation to go out with her after that, Get it done with. Fun. But I know it'd destroy me mentally. I'm already depressed enough about this matter.
Have sex with a friend and risk screwing up our friendship.
Have sex with someone I'm not attracted to.
Or wait to meet a girl I like, and be a couple and have sex whenever! If only the world worked like that.
It'd be pretty cool if there was a girl I found attractive in the same position and we went from there. But if I wouldn't admit to anyone I know, why would anyone else?