Depressed boyfriend broke up with me

3 days ago my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me. We’re both 17. We met when he transferred into my class and took a seat next to me. The rest was only up hill. We connected so well and we got really comfortable together. I almost lost my virginity to him. This was my first real relationship. I’m heartbroken. 

He stopped me after class on Monday (it’s now Thursday) and asked to talk for a second. I instantly knew what was going down. He just gave me the look. Like the sad “I’m too scared to actually say it” look. He said “I think you know what I’m going to say” and the only thing I could say was “yeah.” And I walked away. There was nothing else I could do. I started crying and went to the nearest classroom and just broke down. He didn’t come after me, hasn’t reached out to me since, and I haven’t showed up to school this whole week. He texted my best friend and said that he’ll never forget what we had and that I’m the nicest person he’s ever met, and that this is just the way he is, and that he’s conceited.

Over the past month he’s been not as into the relationship and it was really hard. To feel like you’re not wanted. I was the only one to ever reach out to him (which I was careful to not do too often because I didn’t want to bother him) and when we did hang out he was always tired or something along those lines. 

Just a week or two ago we had a really long conversation about why he’s been like this and he opened up to me and said all of the things he’s been feeling. I told him that I need more. Wasn’t asking for much. Just hanging out and going out more than maybe once a week and texting or FaceTiming more than we were. We would go a couple days without even talking, and it didn’t even feel like we were dating. He said he still loves me and reassured that my insecurities in the relationship are valid and that he’s been slacking a lot. That he wanted to make it work. But he didn’t know how much he could give me. He said he’s been tired all of the time, all he ever wants to do is sleep, it’s hard to get up in the morning, he has no motivation to do anything, etc. I was like..... honey U r depressed. He said that he understood if I wanted to break it off, and that he feels like a huge bother and like he’s holding me back. I still don’t know if that’s him trying to let me down easy, or if that’s really how he feels. I told him that and he said he 100% still has feelings for me and wanted to make it work. 

He recently got in a lot of trouble because his mom found weed in his room and he hasn’t been allowed to see any of his friends except me, which I know has affected him a lot. He’s also been having a lot of family issues with his parents going through a divorce. I didn’t know how to help him other than being there for him. But I was trying to be careful not to smother him or anything. 

I’ve dealt with depression in the past, and even now. I’ve been inpatient twice, so I know generally how he’s feeling and I wanted to help him. We really connected when he opened up and I knew somewhat how to handle it, and tried to channel how I felt when I was at my really low lows and what I needed and wanted when I was feeling that way. And I tried to give that to him. He isolates himself, just like I did, and it breaks my heart.

I know it sounds so silly that I’m so heartbroken, I mean we’re teenagers, this is my first real relationship, we’ve only been together a few months... what do I know? But when I’m with him I feel so warm. And we’ve made so many memories. Maybe those are just memories and I need to let go, but I’m not ready to let go. I’m worried about him, and I feel so uneasy about the breakup and I really have no idea what to do. Should I just move on? Should I reach out to him? I’m worried but also really insecure and don’t know if he just wants me to leave him alone, or if he’s like actually just dying inside and wanting someone to be there for him. 

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