Depressed Boyfriend - Depression or Not?

Posted , 5 users are following.

My boyfriend of 2.5 years just broke up with me out of the blue. We didn't have a fight, things have been seemingly normal in our relationship, so I guess i am looking for answers as to why, since he is not providing a lot of information. 

He was taking Kratom since I met him, and it seemed to be helping him. Recently, however, he has developed a tolerance, and it was helping him less and less. At the beginning of October, his doctor told him he should stop taking them because of the symptoms he was having, and the potential illegal status they may have in the near future. 

Since then, he was in a dark place and coming down from Kratom. He assured me over and over he would get better. He continued to tell me how much he loved me, there have even been days where he has laughed and joked with me. But he has not replaced Kratom with anything else to deal with his depression. He says he has now balanced out from that, but balanced can still mean depressed. 

He used to go places with me from time to time, he literally has not gone anywhere with me in months. He also suffers from anxiety, so even though it wasn't easy for him to go anywhere, he still did. After every single trip, he said I was right and it was fine. 

Recently, his dog, who is his whole world, has been having issues with her knees. He found out she may have to have surgery to repair them. I also asked him to come to Reno with me and my family for Thanksgiving, and told him it was important to me. He was really stressing out over it, even though I told him if he didn't want to go it was fine. He also has some big projects going on at work. I have been 100% supportive, but he has been having a rough time with all of it. 

On Sunday, three days ago, he came to my place and told me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. It was very matter-of-fact, not sad, just what it had to be. He said he had been thinking of this for a while now, and he doesn't believe it is his normal negative thoughts that tell him he's worthless. He's completely positive this has nothing to do with his depression. 

I talked to him last night, and he explained what he meant by not wanting to be with me anymore. He said that previously, even on days when he wanted to see no one, he'd want to see me. He says he has stopped having those thoughts over the last few months. He says he isn't interested in seeing anyone else, he just does not want to be in "the relationship" as he keeps calling it. He says he still loves me and cares about me, but isn't interested in me in that way anymore.

Everything I read makes this sound like depression, but when I try to point out that it's the depression talking and ask him to see through to the love we have for each other, he's convinced that I'm wrong. Is this normal for depressed people to feel like their decision to end a relationship is completely sound, and not due to depression? 

2 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Posted

    cassandra sad

    I think that he is being honest with you and hopefully in the future you will accept this decision and you will be better off for it.

    Who wants to be with a person that says they don't want to be with us?

    This only opens the door for another maybe "right" person for you.

    Anyway, he seems to have some issues...and its really not healthy on your part to keep pushing the matter.  Let him go..and your life will eventually be what it is supposed to be.

  • Posted

    Hello

    This may be from His depression and coming of the medication especially if He has not been given a replacement.

    Sometimes when people come through from a depression they may be looking at any relationships they had in a different way and feel they may need to move on. If this is the case you may need to let Him go and allow time to see how it goes.

    In my case I made massive changes to my life and in this case He may be feeling the need to move onto a different place or situation, if

    You can try and remain a friend, if possible and try and read the signs, although I feel it may be better just to let him go and find someone else. If things change you will be able to decide on any changes you are aware of and if the changes are acceptable fair enough.

    I cannot really say about the medication He has been on, to me that would or could be a future wild card.

    Good Luck

    B.

     

    • Posted

      I know I need to move on, that is becoming more and more clear. However, I still don't have any answers as to why this is going on. I don't know if I will ever get them, because he doesn't seem to know why his feelings have changed. 

      I guess my question is, he is so positive that he is thinking clearly, is this normal? Do some depressed people think the decisions they are making are clear and 100% separate from depression?

  • Posted

    Is it possible that you liked looking after him? It sounds a bit like co depency and when the person is well you may feel that you don't feel as useful anymore,

    Do not dwell on it. Keeping busy really does work and takes your mind off the situation.

    Make a new life for yourself.

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