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Depressed boyfriend doesn't know if he loves me anymore

Posted , 4 users are following.

a16237
a16237

Hi,

I am sorry if this is a lot but I need to get this out and maybe get some advice.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. About a month into seeing each other he told me about his depression. Although I had not seen him really bad yet I had suspected he had something going on.

Since then things have gone downhill. He seems to be getting worse and wont get help. He will go a week where he locks himself away in his room and wont answer my texts or calls. When this had happened in the past I would go to his place after a few days of silence and he would let me in and things would get better. But this last time he didnt. Three days in a row I went to his place and he let me stand outside waiting without letting me in. Finally it seemed like he was coming out of it because he was interacting with friends and even managed to go out one night but still had me at a distance. When I was finally able to see him and we talked he told me he didn't know if he loved me anymore and that I just feel like a burden to him. I tried not to take it personal and told him that I dont think he should make any drastic decisions while he is depressed.

We had plans to go away for the holiday to visit family. I didnt know if we were going to go until the day before. I told him that if we didnt go together then there was no coming back from that and we were over because then our families would be involved. He ultimately decided he wanted to go on the trip together and everything seemed great while we were away. But then we came back and he still hasn't told me he loves me and he is having issues being affectionate with me, he cant even kiss me goodnight. I want to believe that him deciding to go on the trip together is a sign that he does still love me. But its so hard to know because he is so good at faking happy.

To those of you with depression: can being in a bad depression make you unsure about love?

To those of you with a significant other with depression: have any of you gone through anything like this before?

Thank you

2 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 a16237

    Posted

    Bless you xx

    depression is so very hard on partners and family attached to the sufferer.

    Depression most certainly robs you of the 'want' to interact with the ones you love. Locking yourself away from everyone seems not only appealing but absolutely necessary! Depression makes you not care about yourself or others..It robs you of joy and if your boyfriend is faking happiness to please others it will be very stressful and exhausting for him. I wonder if his current medication is working for him eg the correct dosage or antidepressant. Please try not to take his actions personally. I am sure he loves you but right now he is unwell.

    when he locks himself away that is due to his mindset and total exhaustion that this illness dishes out.

    I know your worried about him but try not to push speaking with him or seeing him when he isolates. Gently let him know that you are there for him and enquire if there's anything you can do to help. If he says 'no' then let him know it an open ended offer.

    When he gets better he will remember and cherish the people who stood by him in his time of need.

    god bless you.. He is very lucky to have someone in his life that cares so much about him and is trying to understand his illness

    xxxx

    • a16237
      a16237 lorraine52317

      Posted

      Thank you so much for your response. It is extremely reassuring to hear these things from someone else. Since I found out about his depression I have done a lot of research but sometimes it is hard to stay level headed when I'm so worried about him.

      He currently isn't on and medications. He hasnt been in years, since before I knew him. He also hasn't seen a therapist in years. I keep trying to gently encourage him to do so but he wont even consider it and I dont want to push to hard. So I don't really know what else to do...

  • jackie82937
    jackie82937 a16237

    Posted

    Unfortunately all you have described is perfectly normal for depression. Check out the Depression Fallout Forum website, there are literally millions of people all going through similar situations, break ups of very long relationships and marriages too all due to untreated depression.
    • a16237
      a16237 jackie82937

      Posted

      Thank you. I will definitely check out that forum.
  • hypercat
    hypercat a16237

    Posted

    Hi I am sorry your bf and you are going through this.  I think Lorraine,  as usual,  has said it all.  What I will say is it doesn't sound like he is improving without help so he has to seek it.  If he won't then there is not much you can do. 

    Can you live your life with him like this?   If not you might have to make it a condition of you staying together.   It's bad enough suffering depression yourself but it is hell for the partner,  especially if he refuses to seek help.  I think this has to be the deal breaker for your relationship.  x

    • a16237
      a16237 hypercat

      Posted

      Thank you for your response. Apparently his past experiences with therapy and medication were really bad so I'm afraid that pushing him like that will result in him deciding to be alone rather than go through that again.
    • hypercat
      hypercat a16237

      Posted

      Hi that is his choice but it doesn't have to be yours.   Just because he had a bad experience before doesn't mean it will happen again.   If he won't help himself then you will have to resign yourself to living like this with him.  Can you?   x
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