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Depressed boyfriend dumped me, please help me make sense of this!

Posted , 13 users are following.

melle77825
melle77825

My boyfriend of one year dumped me last Sunday. Before we got together we were best friends for about another year. I was always there for him - supported him when he was going through a rough time being unemployed, helped him to find a new job, spent hours and hours talking about his feelings, his issues. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 17. He took some medication for it, but he stopped 2 years ago. He was loving, sweet, funny and kind, but he also had his low moments - that's when I'd be there for him to cheer him up.

 However, on Sunday he told me that he just wasn't happy, that if he was happy in the relationship he'd at least be happy to have me around, but he only feels a void when he sees me, that I can't make him happy, if anything - my presence makes him angry (for some reason? we didn't argue!), so he wants to break up.

 We haven't had any contact since, but I saw him yesterday at a mutual friend's birthday. He completely ignored me! And our friends told me today how happy and upbeat he was yesterday, he didn't even mention the break-up to them. 

 I feel so lost and destroyed sad I really thought I was special to him, that I was his go-to person, his partner in crime who always understood him and never judged him. He broke up with me before a few times, the longest we went without him wanting me back was 5 days about 2 months ago. Since then we've been on holidays together (it was amazing!), booked another holiday in June. It was his birthday 2 weeks ago and he was telling me how much he loved me and how grateful he was that I'm with him. And then within a week everything changed. When I tried to remind him what he had said just very recently, he only answered that his feelings change very quickly.

 I don't know what to do now… is this behaviour something you have come across? Will he be back? I really want him back, because I want the good and the amazing that he has to offer, making me the happiest girl in the world. Whad should I do? Just ignore him and avoid all contact, or should I text him that I'm here when he needs me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

0 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • david19343
    david19343 melle77825

    Posted

    gday melle i strongly believe your fellow loves you a great deal. i was in a similar situation when i was 17. he gets in a funk and just needs to be on his own to deal with it. he thinks deeply about the two of you but sees too many hazards and obstacles ahead. he just wants you to be happy and successful. he finds it hard to reconcile the two of these things. i hope this helps. God bless.
  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 melle77825

    Posted

    He is a selfish jerk. I want to sugar coat that but it almost impossible. Move on and lesson learned. Dont waste any more thought trying to figure out what you did wrong. He is selfish. Its on him. At least you have learned qualities you like, and qualities you do not like. I would go with this. Feel free to write a letter noting all your feelings on this matter, a closure letter if you will. For yourself. Wait 48hrs from the completion of this letter if you decide you want him to read it send it to him or give it to him but It almost serves no productive purpose to give it to him, but thats your choice.this letter is for YOU  and its very helpful. Otherwise i would ignore him and avoid all contact with him. He is a selfish jerk. I have heard so many similiar stories like yours so just know this is on him, not you. You dont want someone like that love. Ew. You want a real person and a real friend who is there for you and you for him and together you are a stronger couple. What he had to offer is little, he needed you, he took what he needed for himself. A taker. They dont change.
    • d65256
      d65256 lisalisa67

      Posted

      I am hoping someone can help me out and give me some perspective. I'm really really hurting right now and for the same reason. 

      If you take the time please read below:My ex (we broke up yesterday), was my best friend for 9 years through the years and distance. After what seemed like fate, we reconnected recently a few months ago and sparks flew immediately. We admitted we had feelings for each other over the years and that he had always loved me and compared his interests to me and my character. Over the years, we had always confided in each other with the deepest of things and genuinely encouraged and supported the other. Looking back on the messages a few months ago..i realized we really cared for each other profoundly.

      We fell in love quickly and deeply. Due to some regulations in our jobs..we're military..he was willing to get out ASAP just to be with me. He had been doing this the last few months..doing everything in his power to separate by December 30th because it was not only his dream...but he knew this was the only way for us to be together openly and asap. I am currently abroad for work for the last 1.5 months(and we were long distance anyways in the relationship), but i noticed a change in him. I noticed in the last 1.5 week, he distant and preoccupied. He was not the thoughtful, invested person he was just recently. He had told me a few days prior how in love he was with me and i was the reason he was making these changes for (of course for his future, but i was the catalyst).

      I brought up the fact that i felt his distance and that he was pushing me away. He admitted that he was depressed and that maybe i needed space too so it didnt affect me..one thing led to another and we were skyping.

      He's been trying to separate since he was push to get out of the military so we could be together and also since his dream was to finish university. It's been hard since they haven't give him a striaght answer if his life would be changing in a short few weeks-and he's been super stressed since if they do it last minute he'll have to get an apartment,find a job,etc within like 2 weeks.anyways..he's been very distant the last 2 weeks and pushed me away but wanted to be in a relationship..it hurt me so we got into more and more fights.he admitted that he's had depression..hasn't been working out,going out, been very negative and eating junk food-he's a health freak.anyways,for the last 2 months and up to last Saturday he told me how in love he was with me,that he would drop his dream job for me, etc. and yesterday although I brought up maybe getting space and starting to feel indifferent because he's been so distant ..he started saying "you're right" I'm not right for you,you deserve better." and mentioned that he wasn't happy.etc..I stopped him and said no..if this is what you want you do it since you've been distant.anyways..he said maybe his feelings changed and he didn't want it and he's been very distracted and down and that I didn't help. He told me if I were the right person I would've helped him change how he feels and brought the best out of him. So since I didn't change how he feels I maybe am not right for him.he completely changed from what he had told methat he wasn't in love anymore, just about 3 days after he told me he was falling head over heels for me --and we've known each other for so long..I'm so confused.i know it was stressful but what do you think happened?

      He started crying at the end and said he's never loved or felt this way about anyone and that's why it's hardest and he's never hurt this much. I've never been this confused or heartbroken. He also said he never wanted to put his job before me but that without even getting there that even the pursuit of his job he put before me but that he did. He said i deserve better...I just don't get it. Is this indicative that he truly fell out of love with me in a matter of a few days...or maybe never really loved me? it seemed so final for a man who called me the love of his life, told me our lovestory was something out of fairytales and one who I have KNOWN so deeply as a friend--an intimate friend before dating.

      I just don't know what he has told me what is BS may be an excuse...like the "you deserev better.." line. I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do and although I know he has struggled with depression in the past...I just feel hurt and like he is blaming me. I don't know if we can be friends right away although he hinted at seeing me soon in December when he would be near my town. Any thoughts would be very appreciated. I lost my best friend and although I know I came of as needy (especially not understanding until it was too late that he was so depressed), I"m wondering if it was over in his heart and he happened to be depressed or it takes over and makes other's judgement clouded. Basically, from what I have said...does it seem like there is any hope?

  • d65256
    d65256 melle77825

    Posted

    Melle, 

    What ended up happening to you? i am in a similar situation..your insight a year later would be SINCERELY appreciated ..please read if you have time, mine happened one day ago,

    My ex (we broke up yesterday), was my best friend for 9 years through the years and distance. After what seemed like fate, we reconnected recently a few months ago and sparks flew immediately. We admitted we had feelings for each other over the years and that he had always loved me and compared his interests to me and my character. Over the years, we had always confided in each other with the deepest of things and genuinely encouraged and supported the other. Looking back on the messages a few months ago..i realized we really cared for each other profoundly.

    We fell in love quickly and deeply. Due to some regulations in our jobs..we're military..he was willing to get out ASAP just to be with me. He had been doing this the last few months..doing everything in his power to separate by December 30th because it was not only his dream...but he knew this was the only way for us to be together openly and asap. I am currently abroad for work for the last 1.5 months(and we were long distance anyways in the relationship), but i noticed a change in him. I noticed in the last 1.5 week, he distant and preoccupied. He was not the thoughtful, invested person he was just recently. He had told me a few days prior how in love he was with me and i was the reason he was making these changes for (of course for his future, but i was the catalyst).

    I brought up the fact that i felt his distance and that he was pushing me away. He admitted that he was depressed and that maybe i needed space too so it didnt affect me..one thing led to another and we were skyping.

    He's been trying to separate since he's enlaisted to push to get out of the military so we could be together and also since his dream was to commission. It's been hard since they haven't give him orders and he's been super stressed since if they do it last minute he'll have to get an apartment,find a job,etc within like 2 weeks.anyways..he's been very distant the last 2 weeks and pushed me away but wanted to be in a relationship..it hurt me so we got into more and more fights.he admitted that he's had depression..hasn't been working out,going out, been very negative and eating junk food-he's a health freak.anyways,for the last 2 months and up to last Saturday he told me how in love he was with me,that he would drop his dream job for me, etc. and yesterday although I brought up maybe getting space and starting to feel indifferent because he's been so distant ..he started saying "you're right" I'm not right for you,you deserve better." and mentioned that he wasn't happy.etc..I stopped him and said no..if this is what you want you do it since you've been distant.anyways..he said maybe his feelings changed and he didn't want it and he's been very distracted and down and that I didn't help. He told me if I were the right person I would've helped him change how he feels and brought the best out of him. So since I didn't change how he feels I maybe am not right for him.he completely changed from what he had told methat he wasn't in love anymore, just about 3 days after he told me he was falling head over heels for me --and we've known each other for so long..I'm so confused.i know it was stressful but what do you think happened?

    He started crying at the end and said he's never loved or felt this way about anyone and that's why it's hardest and he's never hurt this much. I've never been this confused or heartbroken. He also said he never wanted to put his job before me but that without even getting there that even the pursuit of his job he put before me but that he did. He said i deserve better...I just don't get it. Is this indicative that he truly fell out of love with me in a matter of a few days...or maybe never really loved me? it seemed so final for a man who called me the love of his life, told me our lovestory was something out of fairytales and one who I have KNOWN so deeply as a friend--an intimate friend before dating.

    I just don't know what he has told me what is BS may be an excuse...like the "you deserev better.." line. I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do and although I know he has struggled with depression in the past...I just feel hurt and like he is blaming me. I don't know if we can be friends right away although he hinted at seeing me soon in December when he would be near my town. Any thoughts would be very appreciated. I lost my best friend and although I know I came of as needy (especially not understanding until it was too late that he was so depressed), I"m wondering if it was over in his heart and he happened to be depressed or it takes over and makes other's judgement clouded. Basically, from what I have said...does it seem like there is any hope?

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