Depressed boyfriend left me
Posted , 5 users are following.
Hi, i've been in a relationship with who I thought was the love of my life for 3 months now. His mom died 3 years ago and he got depression then and with couselling he became better. It was his mom's death anniversary 2 weeks ago and he asked to be on a 3 weeks ago cause he needed time and space to get his mind in the right place and has finally realised that his depression is coming back. He broke up with me a week ago saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship anymore as it's putting more pressure on the way he's feeling. He feels drained everyday and can't do simple things like getting out of bed and being in a relationship is draining him now as well. He said when he feels like this, he wants to be better and text me more but he just can't and that makes him feel even worse even though he knows that I understand this and i'm ready to struggle with him through this. But he got really bad for a span of 3 days and that's when he couldn't take it anymore and broke up with me but wants to be friends cause he can't not have me in his life anymore. He says he still loves me but he really can't deal with a relationship and he said I could wait for him if I wanted to until he got better but it's not his place to make me wait for him. I'm struggling so much to accept all this and i don't know how to 'act like a friend' to him cause when I text him all the time now, i sometimes get dead replies or have to wait hours to get replies and it hurts although i know he probably can't message me cause of how he's feeling. I don't know whether to tell him that I can't be friends as I don't know whether i'll regret it or not and I don't want to leave him knowing he's depressed. But I feel like i'm struggling myself with mild depression and anxiety because of all this now.
0 likes, 20 replies
Ans203
Posted
We are also going to see each other next week and he asked me if we could have sex when we see each other next cause we're both craving it but i don't know if this is a good idea or not cause I don't want to be stuck as a friend and I really want him back.
gary78460 Ans203
Posted
Ans203 gary78460
Posted
Thank you for your reply! I'm just really lost tbh cause he said he really wants me in his life and can't lose me which is why he wants me to be his friend for now as he goes through this cause he can't handle a relationship as it comes with expectations of constantly keeping in touch which he can't do right now when even getting out of bed is hard for him. I told him I wouldn't mind not getting messages from him everyday and he knows that but he said he would want to be better and message me as well but his depression won't allow him and that will make him feel even worse that he can't express himself to me the way he wants to but if i'm just gonna be a friend, it's a different case as friends don't expect you to talk to them everyday if that makes sense. I went 3 days without texting him first and he did put in effort to message and call me in the evening those 3 days and finally asked me what was wrong on the 3rd and 4th. And has even planned to see me next week so he still wants me in his life but can't do it as a boyfriend right now.
Laserbeam Ans203
Posted
Sounds to me like you both need a break. If you can't be his friend than what is it you can be? It sounds as if needs a friend now more than ever. You should continue to be his friend and don't expect more. If he wants more he'll let you know. Meanwhile you get to continue your relationship with him. Let him know that you are there for him and that if something ever happened to you that you would want him to stay strong and not be sad forever. There's a time to mourn and a time to let go and move on. All tragic events have both. These are things I'm dealing with myself will be for some time.
Good luck and take care.
Al
Ans203 Laserbeam
Posted
Thanks for your reply! It's really hard to understand what's going because a few days ago he told me I don't have to get over him when I told him "i don't know how im gonna get over you" and he also asked for us to have sex the next time we see each other and i asked him if it was right to which he replied, "since we're going to get back together later anyway then I guess it's alright." It's really hard to understand what he wants cause of these mixed signals.
sandy_so_sad Ans203
Posted
Do not have sex with him, trust me this will hurt you more especially if he doesn't want to get back with you. Your vulnerable right now and he will be taking advantage.
Ans203 sandy_so_sad
Posted
Thanks for your reply! Thing is though. He asked me if we could the next time we see each other which is next week and I asked him if it was the wrong thing to do and he thought for a bit and said "since we're gonna get back together later anyway then maybe it's not?"
gary78460 Ans203
Posted
sandy_so_sad Ans203
Posted
Just give him space if he want you he will come to you there's a few of us ladies on here going the same thing. All of us saying they left us because of their depression and now we're depressed.
Everytime I read them I feel like I'm writing my own story over and over again.
I've come to believe that's it there polite way of getting rid of us. The excused mine used was money problems his debt not mine. The problem I find with men the longer they leave it it harder for them to admit they've made a mistake.
Mine told me to move on do I sit back and think it's depression saying that or does he mean it. I have no idea.
We can only take each day as it comes or play the waiting game. Personally I moving on although I don't want anyone else but I'm 49. Hopefully your a lot younger and you will find someone who adores you.
Ans203 sandy_so_sad
Posted
I'm so sorry you had to go through this
and i'm 20 years old he's 19. I really don't understand him althought being a guy myself. His whole personality has shifted since we went on our break. He was my first ever boyfriend. My first kiss, my first date, my forst everything and we are SO SO compatible with each other and our lifestyles fit together as well, i've met his parents and he's also worried that everyone's including his family is gonna hate him for what he's done (breaking up with me) and even cried on the phone once about it. I know he actually has depression cause there were times he wouldn't eat at all but I haven't seen him in a while and he's said it's gotten so bad he had to break up with me. And as I replied to someone else above, i'm lost tbh cause he said he really wants me in his life and can't lose me which is why he wants me to be his friend for now as he goes through this cause he can't handle a relationship as it comes with expectations of constantly keeping in touch which he can't do right now when even getting out of bed is hard for him. I told him I wouldn't mind not getting messages from him everyday and he knows that but he said he would want to be better and message me as well but his depression won't allow him and that will make him feel even worse that he can't express himself to me the way he wants to but if i'm just gonna be a friend, it's a different case as friends don't expect you to talk to them everyday if that makes sense. I went 3 days without texting him first and he did put in effort to message and call me in the evening those 3 days and finally asked me what was wrong on the 3rd and 4th. And has even planned to see me next week so he still wants me in his life but can't do it as a boyfriend right now.
sandy_so_sad Ans203
Posted
I've heard all the same stuff from my ex and he done the crying act I fell for it took him back he left again now his told me not to phone him and he wants to be left alone . As far as I'm concerned he left me hanging on a piece of string until he got his life together . Still told me he loves me and misses me.
I don't care that his depressed now because his damaged me and our daughter beyond repair.
Just be careful. Your young your relationship was short. There's plenty more fish in the sea. You've done all you
Can . Don't let him
M make a fool of you it's very painful hun .stay strong
Ans203 sandy_so_sad
Posted
Oh no i'm so sorry you teo had to go through all that then
and thank you for your advice! I'll avoid him for a while to see how he reacts and shall try to make sense of what to do next. Thank you!
wayne1962 Ans203
Posted
Hi Ash - I'm readfing mixed messages here. He doesn't want to be in a relationship because he doesn't like being touched. then he wants sex with you next time you see each other. Because you 'might' get back together. Be careful here - it sounds very manipulative. You have to decide whether you want to live life like that, on a constant see-saw wondering what might happen today.
Give him the space. Decide whether this a freindship or partnership and stick to the decision. Talk and text with him, but draw boundaries if you are just friends. Also, try and talk him into getting help. If he is suffering depression then he needs to handle it intelligently, to recognise any triggers and to learn coping skills for the future. Don't be a doormat.
Ans203 wayne1962
Posted
Hi Wayne! Thank you for your reply! Is it cause he doesn't like to be touched?!? Cause he told me he canMt handle a relationship as it puts pressure on his mind and when he gets in those depressed moments, he knows he wants to be better by messaging me more and stuff but he can't and that drains him even more.So his solution is not having me as a boyfriend but as a friend so he doesn't feel worse for not texting me. But yeah I need to be careful and I don't think I can be a friend to him when i want more. He said he didn't want to break up with me either but had to but he's acting so cold with me now but still replies to my messages and even initiates by texting first and calling me. And yeah he told me himself that if it gets too bad, he'll have to start counselling again which is what he did 3 years ago. And yeah I meed to stand up for myself. I just don't want pushing him away from my life to be a huge mistake
wayne1962 Ans203
Posted
Ans203 wayne1962
Posted
Hi wayne! I HIGHLY doubt that!! He was in a 7 month relationship a year ago and is out to a lot of people and even comes out very calmly to people. He helped me come out to my own parents a few weeks ago as well and is very passionate about things to say and not say when one comes out and he also thinks that coming out shouldn't even be a problem as straight people don't have to come out so neither do we if that makes sense? So there's absolutely a 0% this has anything to do with his sexuality
wayne1962 Ans203
Posted
Hi Ash - Okay, that's nice to read, someone who is so comfortable with who they are. And congratulations for your coming out - I hope your parents have been supportive and accepting.
Now I'm wondering whether you know anything about his previous realtionship - whether his current dilemma was an element in that situation? Do you know his former partner? Did that relationship falter along the same lines as what is happening with you?
Ans203 wayne1962
Posted
Hey Wayne, thank you! They were shocked ar first but they said they still love me and will accept it but they've definitely been supportive of it!
And I know a little bit about his previous relationship but this did not happen then as he told me that this is the first time he's had o deal with depression while in a relationship and didn't know how to deal with it which is why we went on a break (but we still talked) and then he eventually couldn't handle it anymore this leading to the breakup.
wayne1962 Ans203
Posted
Okay mate. It would seem the balls in his court with regard his illness. He will need to address it on his own terms. The thing with depression is that it's not like a broken arm or a cold - it doesn't heal itself. You have to do what's best for you and look after your own well being. Best of luck for everything and I hope you have a full and happy life being exactly who you are, honestly, proudly, and completely unique.
Ans203 wayne1962
Posted
Yeah i see what you mean! He said he'd go fo therapy if it got worse which I think it has, so i'll have to ask him what he's doing about it soon. And yeah i'm definitely trying to look aftermyself cause I haven't been for a while now but i'm getting better! And thank you so much for your advice and kind wishes mate!