depressed ex boyfriend/ Co worker want to be friends, what should I do?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hi everyone,

I've been talking to my ex for 9 months and we've been official for 3 months. We met at work; he trained me and he sits behind me. Everything started as any relationship should, slow, fun, and exciting. Once we became official my ex and I discovered a lot of issues he had

Background of him..he only had 1 gf in college for months..after that he just has been dating and messing around with girls. He has a good heart is honest. In his life has had 2 other episodes of depression, one which he injured his knee and could no longer play basketball age 21 and other age 24 when he left a job in IT because was not for him. He fell depression for 3 years. Then a year and half later age 27 got current job. When I started he looked so positive, up beat, ...once we became official he began overthinking my actions, became easily sensitive, insecure ..but despite that he opened up and said how he enjoyed me how he never felt like this for anyone how much he cared and even thought of the future..despite little awkwardness I was happy and our official 3 months he came with speech he needed space ..we almost broke up since I didn't see it coming. He's attitude in life had changed ..I saw him not working out like each morning, not motivated at work, hard on himself and career life health etc.. a week ago he said he thought it'd better if we weren't together. He said was hardest decision but needed to focus on him, he cried, stated how much I meant to him but didn't want to hurt me. He said he knew it was best thing. .he had to work on him. I called next day saying if we're to be friend he needed to seek help how we had talked about. .he snapped and I got upset. He has been attempting to contact me, text, calls, letter and at work but idk what to do.

I have so much feelings for him, he is amazing and hate to see him hurt himself and be different than when I met him. He has a scheduled appt to seek a counselor but idk if I should be there or stand up for myself and realize we are no longer together. It would hurt me to be his friend since I want him as a bf but have accepted what is and I am willing to move on of idea of me and him . He has expressed his care for me, making this so difficult. No other parties involved but he is so depressed only talks to me and no one else or friends know how serious his thoughts get. What should I do please?!

1 like, 7 replies

Report / Delete

7 Replies

  • Posted

    Something is bothering him, and it needs to be got out in the open. Maybe his counsellor will do it, maybe you can tease it out of him. Ex's rarely make goods friends, because the history gets in the way.

    BTW, as you used co-worker and not colleague, I take it you're North American.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      His life in general is bothering him; his health, no motivation, his career..and yes, you're correct.

      I am just scared to leave him " all alone" and not having someone; him feeling or falling even worst into a depression as the one he had for 3 years. He was open and honest him needing to focus on working on him and not wanting to hurt me..I feel some type of obligation to make sure he is okay ...but along the way I am putting myself at risk. Thank you so much for responding smile

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    If you understand depression you would tread very carefully here.he needs to focus on himself and he will because depression appears to make a person very self absorbed, you probably feel you can be his hero in all this but you wont be. He will most definetly drag you through a horrible emotinal roller coaster and it wont be out of meanness it will be because he is ill. So, do yourself a huge favor and do what is best for you. This is not a good person for you to depend on at all. Why would you want to be his bf knowing clearly he cant give back what a healthy relationship would entail? You have not known him long. I cant tell if you would emotionally be able to handle even being his friend at this time, that something for you to think and figure out.
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you so much, I appreciate your advised. I guess bbecause he has a beautiful heart, Is a great person, has wonderful qualities and before his problems arose and even with them we clicked. But I truly appreciate your comment and taking time to read over. I'll take your advise and really think hard if I could be a friend. I even thought telling him I need time, but to know I am here and only contacting me through email . We'll see. But thank you very much again for putting things in perspective
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    *correction been official for 6 months..

    I know we can't be together now. I WANT To be there for him but I am having problems defining or thinking of boundaries and how not to lose myself

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Coming from a very 'boyish' mindset I'd offer you an angle of thought for your own clarirty, and avoid this contradiction you're battling with. Rather, embrace it and accept you have battled it with all that you can give but you have to do what is right, even if it is only marginally  'more right'.

      Therefore go with what you think is right after careful and deliberate thought. Accept it totally and wholeheartedly. Solidify the moment, and from there renew how you are gonna act towards him. Any regrets of feelings of guilt in the future can only come back to that moment, and you can gague your intuition from there.

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up