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Hi. Before I go on, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything. For the past 6 years of my life, I have gotten myself into an awful situation that I can't get out off, and I feel my youth trickling away. It worries me that my 20s are going to slip by without me having properly enjoyed it.
Coming from a background where academic is important, I have always been surrounded by ambitious high flyers from a young age. I guess it was always expected of me to perform well, and I based my worthiness on my academic performance.
The truth is...I hate studying. It is the bane of my life! However, I felt that getting into a good uni, getting a reasonable job, was the only way that I can keep up with my peers. Hence, I devised a plan. I would work my butt off to get into a prestigious university so that I could fulfill what was expectated of me and then I could do whatever I wanted. I'd go travelling, do photography, try cooking school etc. and get a reasonable low-pressure job.
Everything was going really well until it came to university. My parents pressured me to study a degree I hated, and although I got into my dream uni Oxford, I did the wrong degree. My grades were low, and for that I was judged even more. I decided to continue for 4 years, but in the end I quit because I couldn't go on like this. I decided to reapply, got into another good uni and now am studying a degree I like.
However, everyday I am depressed. I feel like I wasted 5 years of my life, lost the chance of getting an Oxford degree (I could have graduated by now if I had done the right degree in Oxford), and am in lots of student loan. I was looking forward to travelling at this stage of my life as a reward for my hard work, but now I am going back to uni. I also feel isolated from my peers and friends because I feel embarassed at my situation, and I see them all going off onto the next stage of their lives whilst I am surrounded by 18 year olds who just want to party. Not only that, but my peers judge me, and everytime I see them they try to give me sympathy which annoys me. I feel hopeless, and by the time I graduate, it will be time to start a family. Hence, I never got a shot at enjoying life in my youth. I am so depressed and isolated. I just want to be working now, and at the same stage in life as my age group. What can I do? I feel hopeless and sleep every day.
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