Depressed Girlfriend

Go on your own and explain to the doc,good luck

Very nice to here from you James,

It's not for me to advise you on your relationships but if I may I will tell you a true story and leave the rest to you.

I met this girl at school, she was very quiet and seemed to live in a world of her own. I later found out that she had suffered from glandular fever a few years back and she was always tired.

She was not the prettiest girl in the school or even in her class.

We got on fairly well but there was long periods of silence whenever I went up to her house to see her and she could not speak to my parents.

My mother did not like her and told me I could do much better for myself.

She was not very aademic and did not do very well in her final school exams.

Her parents were fairly poor and were almost as old as my grandparents.

However, this girl had one special quality ............I had fallen in love with her the moment I met her. I felt I wanted to be with her all the time even when she had nothing to say to me.

I asked her to marry me and we got married when she was 20 years old and I was 23.

We are still together and I still love her.

I hope this helps you to make a decision.

All the very best to you James

robert

I think you need to get the doctor involved. All you can do is be supportive where you can. Your girlfriend needs to know she can talk to you in her own time.

Sadly Anti-depressant will probably sub due your girlfriends desire to want sex, as well as the depression itself. With out being selfish you need to ensure that you both dont end up in the same boat.

Thank you for your replies.

Robert that's a very touching experience. 

Unfortunately last night on Christmas Day we fell out. She wouldn't speak to me and still won't. 

It's hard when the person you love can't talk to you. Even harder that all the time, effort  and patience have all gone to waste. 

I can relate to your story Robert, my Dad told me to be careful as depression is very serious. I loved her and always wanted to be around her. She showed no emotion and desire to be with me. Killed me everyday. I'll use this as an experience. 

Hi James

You are so hurt and confused. All I want to say is that depression is a selfish illness. Until the medications start to work properly, it is difficult to understand anyone else. A depressed person is solely focussed on recovery. A relationship can be beyond a depressed persons capabilities, but loyal friendship will never be forgotten. This girl will recover. She will appreciate the space and appreciate your care. All the very best.

My opinion, is that surely a depressed person can overcome their demons by lots of positivity? 

I know it sounds bad but I can do with the selfishness, the one person that you count on and love won't say a word and disregard what I have done in the past for her. Depression seems very self centred. 

I have suggested having a keyword, a word that she can say when she is low, so I know when to give her space. That is all I can do.

I think the world of her but due to her illness she doesn't want to sort things out. 

Hello there james,

You may not be able to accept what is happening in your relationship, this is a personal matter. As long as you are fully aware of the facts then I am sure you will be able to make the right decision. Your lady is very ill, she may have a chemical imbalance in her brain which the GP is trying to deal with. It could be that what you are experiencing is as a result of the medication she is taking. She could really like you but she cannot respond to you in her present state of mind. This whole thing could happen again in the future, she might never get well. None of us know because we simply don't know enough about how are brains repair themselves, and I include medical people in this statement. Your decision can only be based on a single statement, do you love her?

No one can make this decision for you, and you cannot be judged on what you decide. I am pleased with the decision I made and we have been married for 37 years but you must decide your own future, it is all up to you.

Best regards

robert

Thank you guys for your help.

Unfortunately we didn't make it. We had a big fight Christmas evening. She wouldn't talk to me at all. I said that I wanted to try as I love her but she didn't want to anymore. 

This is a massive learning curve for me. Depression is such a selfish illness that completely consumes someone on their ability to show emotion. The person I fell in love with was her off of her tablets. I cannot be with someone if I show her tons of emotion and get nothing back. 

It was her decision but I fear this is just because that she is on a low. 

Dealing with depression is extremely difficult.  Oftentimes, medications don't always work.  Eating healthy, exercising for at least 5 days 30 minutes a day is good, having hobbies, and doing volunteer work will help take your mind off yourself and focus on other things.  For example, I do volunteer work at the animal shelter because I love animals.  I really enjoy it and find that I am not focused on me anymore.

I do know that those who live with or have people involved with them that suffer from depression is also difficult. I can only imagine what Robin Williams family went through. Your heart is in the right place, but if your girlfriend's depression is as severe as you say, there is not a whole lot you can do.  You can try to do the things I suggested above as a couple; such as, do volunteer work or work out together, formulate a routine that you both would enjoy, but if you don't see any improvement, it is not your fault.  She is going to have to find a way to address her depression and the only thing you can do is to show that you support and care for her. Make sure she stays on her meds and sees her doctor regularly. 

Sorry I can't be much more help than this.  I hope all goes well between the two of you.