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Depressed my entire life

Posted , 5 users are following.

Jjf1000
Jjf1000

I'm a 21 year old male and ever since my first conscious thought as a child I remember being berated by my own thoughts. I constantly over analyze every aspect of my entire self a million times a minute. These intrusive thoughts have been with me forever. I'm constantly thinking negative thoughts about myself and everything to do with life. I can never see the positive in anything I do I will only pick apart my work with negativity. Ever since high school ended I have completely shut myself off to my past friends. I have no contact with anyone I once knew and haven't for years. For the last three years of my life I've basically been going to work and coming home and sitting in my room until the next day of work. My constant quest for perfection in everything I do has broken me mentally. I haven't had a positive emotion or thought in years. Ive done the whole nine yards as far as therapy and anti depressants and both did not help. Basically I posted this to see if there's anyone else who has similar emotions and to ask what's the point of continuing life like this.

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • Wilb
    Wilb Jjf1000

    Posted

    Why so negative about yourself! Something in your past is making you feel this way! Go to your doctor and tell him how you are feeling and see if you may need some meds to help pick you up! There is no shame on this! Mental illness is the same as a physical illness! I know it's hard but try and stay out of your room, stay active and socialize if possible!

  • alan56015
    alan56015 Jjf1000

    Posted

    Same here since I was 21 (now 48). Been on and off ADs most of the time and they have somewhat helped. You need to break the cycle somehow and retrain your brain. I'm a petfectionst too and it's a cuts. Try reading "The Happiness Trap" and also look into CBT which I think will be good for you

    • borderriever
      borderriever alan56015

      Posted

      alan 

      Do you feel the world is not perfect and perfection is not attainable, you are in a situation where we need to accept that fact and live our lives in moderation ?

      BOB

  • borderriever
    borderriever Jjf1000

    Posted

    Would you consider your condition is compulsive in Nature as you seem to be looking for excellance.If this is the case your real problem is not the depression it is the former. Have you seen a Psyologist to discuss your condition that may help as they deal in the actions of activities you are undrtaking.May people are affected like you as a compulsion seems to be controlling your life and interraction with other people.

    If you are feeling suicidal it is important you talk to your GP, He can arrange intervention. If the situation beomes compulsive call NHS Helpline and they will triage and work out the best intervention for you, you can also admit yourself at A and E or at a Police Station. 

    This condition is treatable I understand although I am not a Medic in any way.

    Your mood needs lifting and because of this make that appointment to discuss your problems in a more inclusive way. When you call make a double appointment and draw up a list of your concerns and worries. If you are like me I forget what I have to say and that is just no good. I see my trick cyclist tomorrow and I will be scratching away on a peace of paper to make sure I do not forget my problems.

    Let us know how you get on and good luck

    BOB

  • forgetme
    forgetme Jjf1000

    Posted

    Im 25 and the same. There has not been a single time in my life I've wanted to be me. When I was 14 I used a belt to hang from a tree to see what it might be like to really let it happen, I pulled myslef up.  When I was 18 I spent my savings on a week to Ibiza as a last hurah and then the same return day on a one way ticket to NewYork where I was going to end it. I bailed and didnt go anywhere then but something tells me one day I will. I want to meet people the same as me because I never have. Theres loads of people that advertise they've been 'diagnosed' with depression but it seems like everyone is an attention whore and they have plenty friends that jump on the band wagon for it. I've got no real friends, I hate my job and all I want to do is buy another ticket to anywhere and leave and forget everyone and everything. I drink alot now to try and sleep, I cant remember the last time I slept before 1am. I hate myself for being a coward. NOONE gets it. When I was drunk I wrote a suicide note for my family and I havent deleted it. I cant do anything because Itll devastate my family. Its like being tied to a chair in your own mind. First time Ive shared anything online but Im getting desperate for relation and friends. Even reading this sounds like a lost cause... well, back to reality. 

    • borderriever
      borderriever forgetme

      Posted

      If you begin again to take your life it is important that you phone the NHS

      Helpline and explain your worries and concerns. You can also direct yourself to A and E, thy will take you in and place you in a place of safety. If there is no-one around you can also walk into a Police station and they also arrange assistance for you.

      The Samaritans can also be phoned or called by text or email.

      I took a wobbler last Friday and my Wife called the Crisis Team and they sent a CPN down to see me, by that time I had disapeared and they waited for my return. Today I go in to see my new Trick Cycalist.

      What I am trying to say is there is help always around that will help.

      USE IT.

      You can also be this site to help and give support

      Do not let the devils get you down, do you not feel visits abroad should be used for holidays, not suicide. 

      Can you imagine your family with their hurt and loss.

      They would need to bring your rmains home and that is expnsive.

      Talk to your GP discuss your feelings, explaine your thoughts of Suicide, 

      Good Luck

      BOB

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