Depressed since a child
Posted , 3 users are following.
Long story short I just don’t care anymore. I don’t care about getting a career, a job, a social life, anything. I care for others well being and life- I’m just over mine. I used to be extremely sad all the time and I even one asked to go to therapy because I noticed I could be depressed when I was 11, my parents refused and said it’s too much money and that it’s all in my head. But you know what? I’m done being sad now. I just wanna be gone, falling asleep and never waking up sounds wonderful to me, it’d end the waiting. I’m just waiting to die. I’m tired and exhausted from my short ride here but I’m ready to leave now, i know I’m never going to do anything with my life anyway. It seems my depression progressed because of how long it’s been left untreated (I’ll say age 9-19 so 10 years) or I might’ve just became self aware. I’m not trying to do anything with my life, I don’t want to, I feel no drive, no motivation. Even with living with an abusive father I still don’t care enough to get a job and buy myself a new place. I just wanna be gone
1 like, 5 replies
carmela45627 AnnaBananaa
Posted
Please seek professional help ASAP .
You can do it now. You don’t need permission.
It sounds like you may need to be under a drs care.
We know how you feel. We have been there.
It sounds like you grew up in an abusive scenario. It may be taking its toll on you now. Well, actually it was when you were 11 yrs old.
Please seek professional help now. They will know what to do for you to help you to feel better.
lisa95164 AnnaBananaa
Posted
Anna..
There is hope for you hun. Trust me, I've been there. I know you feel like nothing will change or get better but it will. Unfortunately it's not always easy to do and sometimes we need some help. If your parents do not support
you, please go to a Dr by yourself or even a close friend.. Your parents do not need to know as you are over 18.
You mentioned you have an abusive father.. do you feel able to talk more about this? I may be able to offer advice. My dad physically and mentally abused me since I was 2 years old. It continued into my 20's .. he was very possessive and controlling.. I used to have to phone him when I got to work and finished etc. He was mentally very I'll .. but I did not see that then. He died in 2007suddenly after collapsing at home. I administered CPR as I was training to be a nurse. I failed. His death destroyed me. I blamed myself and also knew there were things I wanted to say.. closure etc. I have had to come to terms with it in my own way. I am now realising after having my own child, how much the abuse affected me. You must protect yourself as it has really messed with my head. I turned from a successful nurse with my own home and money to an addict with no job or home.
Basically what I am trying to say is you need to get out from the abusive relationship as it will not help your depression or low mood.
I am here to chat if you need to. Thinking of u. Take care hun.
Lisa x
AnnaBananaa lisa95164
Posted
AnnaBananaa
Posted
wayne1962 AnnaBananaa
Posted
Hi AnnaBananaa - so sorry to read what you are going through. He is indeed an abusive man. Do you think your mum will leave him? You can get help from shelters who will keep you both safe. Another point is that he sexually abused you as a child - you could report him for that. The basic thing about this is that he has always been abusive, full of rage, and nothing is going to change that - he certainly won't do it. The only option is for both you and your mum get away from him. Report him. Get the ball rolling. It is usual with bullies like him that when the authorities are looking, they will control themselves to a degree, try and play nice, try and blame you, or your mother, or anyone/thing for his behaviour. That is the space for you both to escape his clutches. He won't change anything. You have to. Best of luck whatever you decide.