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DEPRESSION

Posted , 2 users are following.

dd58
dd58

I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN DISCHARGED AFTER SPENDING 4 MONTHS IN A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL,I WAS PUT ON MIRTAZAPINE AND AFTER 2 WEEKS WAS ASKED HOW I WAS FEELING WHEN I TOLD CONSULTANT I FELT NO BETTER WAS TOLD THAT AS ANTIDEPRESSANT THEY ARE NOT MUCH USE.I WAS THEN PUT ON VENAFAXYLINE FOR A FEW DAYS BUT THEY SENT ME SCATTY,I WAS THEN ASKED WHAT I WANTED TO GO ON AND FOR WHATEVER REASON SAID MIRTAZAPINE LIKE AN IDIOT.THEN I WAS PUT ON LITHIUM,THEN THE PROBLEMS STARTED SWELLING OF FEET,LIVER FUNCTION'S HIGH,PANCREAS PROBLEMS,I HAVE NOW BEEN HOME 2 WEEKS AND EVERY DAY I WISH I WAS DEAD,AND THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING I SOON WILL BE,MY DEPRESSION IS STILL THERE,MY COMMUNITY PSYCHIATRIST I DON'T GET ON WITH HER MY OWN DOCTOR WILL NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH CHANGING MY MEDICATION.I FEEL NO ONE IS LISTENING TO HOW I FEEL,I AM IN MY FIFTIES SO KNOW WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG I HAVE HAD MY BODY FOR LONG ENOUGH,THIS IS MY 3RD TIME THAT I HAVE BEEN IN HOSPITAL.

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Fanny_Jane
    Fanny_Jane

    Posted

    Hello dd58. I am so sorry to hear what has been happening to you. I am exasperated that your consultant asked you what you wanted to take as a medication.

    There is honestly not a lot I can say except sympathise with you. Do you have a good friend/relative that could go back to the dr with you to discuss what has been happening to you?

    I know what these docs are like sometimes. Also know that when we get into our appointments we tend to either fall apart inside or forget half of what we were going to say. If you could take someone and and make a list before you go it may help to keep you calm and get through it all. Your friend/relative could then point out anything you've missed to the doc. As long as you give persmission a doc must let you have someone with you.

    You don't mention whether you have anyone supporting you at home? Also sorry to hear about your community psychiatrist, sadly a lot of them become rather hard over time, although there are a few good ones.

    Life is a bummer at times. I'm a mum and granny and been round the block myself. I am very lucky as although I am disabled with nasty things to live with, I have great support from my family, it makes all the difference.

    I hope that you get some kind of answer and that your life picks up and you improve soon. What I do know is that sometimes we fall over because we don't ask for or get the right help.

    Good luck, do hope someone else replies to you with more practical help for you. Keep trying, don't give up. Fanny Jane

  • dd58
    dd58

    Posted

    Thank you for your reply Fanny Jane,I am sat here tears streaming down my face just thinking that I can't live the rest of my life feeling like this,I may have another 20 years of this I don't know,but what I do know is that I very much doubt that I will be around for much longer the way I feel,even before I was admitted into hospital although I was feeling suicidal and tried to harm myself,inside I didn't feel as I do now.I watched my mother go through depression since I can remember from the age of about 5 years old,she then went on to have dementia from the age of 60 she was in a home and remained there until she died at 80.Who know 's I may get dementia,but all I know is that when I go and see my community psychiatrist is that I will not get any help from her,she was another one that asked me to choose from 3 lots of tablets,you can believe me or not,it beggars belief what they are doing to me,I had to take our dog to the vet and he got better treatment than what I have had.I know there are people worse off than what I am,but believe me I don't wish this illness on anyone,if you gave me the choice of a million pounds or go back to how I was 4 years ago,you can keep your money.
  • Fanny_Jane
    Fanny_Jane

    Posted

    Dear dd58,

    So very sorry that you are so down on things at the moment. I have thought carefully how to reply to you as honestly I feel out of my depth as you are so unhappy with life.

    You have had a rough old time of it. Many of us have parents that were responsible for so much unhappiness. My own were a disaster quite frankly and I'm also left with thoughts and problems from all those years ago. I can't get all sorts of negative thoughts out of my head instilled there by my father.

    I am lucky in that I have a wonderful husband of 40 years who has supported me always though all my negative moments.

    My own mother was sectioned into hospital 18 months ago because her dementia got so bad and I was struggling to care for her, despite her disgraceful behaviour to me. She is now in a home and I visit every other day. It's dreadful and everyone tells me to cut down the visits but I can't, even though my feelings towards her are negative. It's all about the past. Dementia is rife in my family and I can often feel myself slipping down that slope, as I forget a lot these days and do odd things too. It's a nightmare in my head all the time.

    All I can say is that you can go on with life, it's all we have really and will pass quickly enough anyway.

    I think that taking one day at a time is important. I would make myself think at the end of each day of something that made me smile or feel better, even if was only for a moment. Such as hearing a familiar song on the radio, seeing a beautiful flower that caught my eye, watching a bird in the garden, having a warm bath - anything that even for that brief minute reminds me that i'm alive and it's worth it.

    I know that nothing I can really say will make anything better for you. There are The Samaritans if you are desperate. I phoned them once myself when my mum was at her worst. They were kind and helpful and did not judge my comments at all.

    I shall be thinking of you everyday and hoping that you can find a way of realising that your life is precious and pray that you will find a way to climb up again and touch the sun. Bless You, Fanny Jane

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