Depression

I am taking lithium, lamotrigene and epival. I was on these meds for years and stopped taking all of them cold turkey without input from my doctor. That had to be the dumbest thing I ever did in my life. I am still paying for that mistake

Doing that was not the wisest coice to have made, however we all mess up at some time. The good side of it is that we should learn from our mistakes, move on and try our best not to make those same errors again.

Being resonsible for a 12 year old can be hard work, but you do have a great family maybe who help you a bit.

As for women, well I'm sure we've all been there. If you get the right one it can be great, but when you get the wrong one they can almost destroy you. I know this only too well as I've been married three times, but the last one has been fantastic.

As for your depression, well the medications that you are on should have helped to stabilise you, had you been taking them right the way through. The problem is that when you come off these types of meds it can play havock with your system, and can take ages to get back on track.

Having said that, you really should involve your doctor more, as he or she can help quite a bit.

As for lack of sex drive, well after what you have been through is it any wonder?

Once everything quietens down and you start feeling more in control of all the emotional issues that you have had to deal with, you should return to normal as I did.

I am 70 years of age now, and I could have written your book for you as from what I have read it appears an almost carbon copy of my own story.

The best advice I can give you John is to take each day as you find it, one foot at a time and do not expect too much of yourself.

The time will come when all the black clouds will disappear and you will look back at this time and be proud of the fact you got through it.

Please keep in touch John and let me know how your life is progressing.

All I can say right now is,"wow". This is some of the best advice on depression that I have ever received. What makes it so real and relevant is that you suffered through depression just like I have. Many people have offered me advice and truly want to help but, in reality they just don't understand what I am going through. It's not their fault.

Thank you so much for your advice and encouragement, I certainly needed it. Your words give me "hope" and thats one of the greatest gifts that a depressed person can receive. I will update you on my progress.

Thanks again. I hope that you and your wife have many more happy years together.

Take Care,

John

Take Care,

John

Hi John,

I just am trying to understand my husband who i am trying to help. I am really trying everything. 

He has lost the will to do simple things. Feels alone and that he can't talk to anyone. . has lost his sex drive all of a sudden which i then feel is "it must be me". Sometimes he wants to be with us and sometimes gets the feeling he wants to be alone.

He says things that hurt like hell, "we are just living together but not reallty together" after 32 years it hurts.

One night he will admit he needs help and then a few days later he will say there is nothing wrong with him.

I am on citalopram 30mg and only want to help

I just am trying to understand my husband who i am trying to help. I am really trying everything. 

He has lost the will to do simple things. Feels alone and that he can't talk to anyone. . has lost his sex drive all of a sudden which i then feel is "it must be me". Sometimes he wants to be with us and sometimes gets the feeling he wants to be alone.

He says things that hurt like hell, "we are just living together but not reallty together" after 32 years it hurts.

Then the next few weeks he is just normal again

One night he will admit he needs help and then a few days later he will say there is nothing wrong with him and won't see a doctor

I am on citalopram 30mg and only want to help him.

Do i just leave it and not ask how he is and wait until he asks for help

Give him a big hug and make a fuss of him and dont just do this once, build it up over days so he feels comfortable and secure.

Be very kind and tolerant - do not press him or bully him into feeling uncomfortable in any way, and certainly do not expect him to explain his feelings to you. After all there are 32 years of history behind this and it is important.

When he is relaxed in your company why not sit down with him tell him that you love him and you want him to be happy. Gently suggest to him that you both should go to see his doctor with a view to getting a referral to a clinical psychologist.

Please let me know how you go on.

This has been going on for almost a year but I was always afraid to ask if he was depressed and thought he is just down.

Then in August he thought he was in love with a woman who he talked to at our gate. She was just seeing how far he would go (she has said this). He announced he was leaving after 32 years, then decided he would stay.

Of course things were tense for a while but i thought they were almost fixed. 

Then came the loss of sex drive around Christmas

Then he announced he was numb and didn't have any feelings for anyone, myself , children , family etc.

He can't be bothered doing anything and he was always great at gardening, decorating etc.

He can't sleep. feels low and seems to blame me for everything. When he sleeps he jumps about all night. no interest in sex. Feels he has done nothing with his life due to me. 

In 32 years he can only remember bad times no good times.

He won't go for any help (theres nothing wrong with him)

I have lost over 2 stone in weight and can't keep food down I am so worried. This makes him feel bad but he needs help.

Please Please send me advise, I am at my wits end and have no one to turn to

Thank you for your reply

Firstly the loss of sex drive can be fixed, so that should be the last of your worries.

As for the 'other woman' well that is a little more difficult to deal with.

The question is, has he had a full-blown relationship with her, or is it just a case of 'the grass is greener' on the other side?

You do not state your husbands age, which may be quite relevant here.

Men definitely do through something similar to the female menopause, in the psychological sense, when they question who they are, are they still attractive, can they still do the things they used to do, all that sort of thing.

This can unbalance some chaps and send them off in all directions.

Then again, is he suffering from some medical condition that he has not talked about?

If you feel he is blaming you for his inability to have improved the course of his life, then that is very unfair as he chose to marry you in the first place.

No, the more I think about it I feel that your husband has maybe reached that awkward stage in his life when he is questioning his whole existence.

The only way to deal with this I feel is by getting him somehow to a clinical psychologist.

In the meanwhile I would suggest that you yourself should visit your own doctor and run all this past him. The reasoning behind this is because your own medication may not be adequate at the moment to get you through this, and may therefore need to be reassessed. Also talking about the family issues to someone who knows you and possibly your husband may well throw-up some other suggestions.

Please keep me posted.

he is 53 and i am 51. The affair was weird were they talked over the fence for 2 weeks and she advised him to leave me. I know this as i found messages and she told me it was only to make her feel better and see how far he would go. (she is known for this).

Nothing else happeded and we talk and laugh, go out. 

Well then it is likely to be going through the 'difficult' phase that I talked about before.

In any event I feel that the best course of action is for you to get him to a clinical psycholgist via his doctor, by hook or by crook, and don't forget to get yourself checked-over by your own doctor, as this is clearly having quite a profound affect on you.

any advise on this 'difficult' phase , I know nothing happened with this woman and she wasn't even interested in him.

Do i deal with it like depression as he won't go to a doctor

The difficult phase? Well firstly keep him away from other women, then keep him occupied. Give him DIY jobs, go out together more for pleasure, meals, shows, relatives/in laws.

Encourage him to take up a home hobby, or if it is an outside one, something that you can participate in.

Although it might seem boring to you take an interest in things that he does.

I realise that it all appears to be about him, and there is a you as well, but you appear to be the strongest one at the moment.

And finally, YES you should deal with it like depression because that is exactly what it is.

Hope that helps

 

I can see its depression but i guess hes the one that thinks it will never happen to me person. If only he would regonise what the problem is.

I do think my problem is all the stress i have been under and i am attending a clinic although I get more help on this site and from Lifeline and a few friends. If anyone has a problem i always want to help them and this has made it really difficult when he won't see a doctor.

Thank you for all your help

 

You are very welcome Georgaline.

I'm very certain that all the stress must be affecting you too.

As for your husband, well the first hurdle will be to make him come to terms with his problem, and once that is over the next phase will be to help him to get over it.

If you ever need me again just pm me, and until then

My best wishes

Rod