Depression

Hi Orange

That's a tough dilemma and i honestly feel for you. As your mum is an adult she is entitled to decline medical treatment/appointment. Have you got any aunts or uncles that could also try and persuade her to see a doctor? Or maybe she has a close friend that you can speak to? I think if she was a danger to herself or others would medical intervention be given without her consent. Do you share the same doctor? If so perhaps it would be helpful to speak to your doctor about your concern for your mother? As this situation will clearly impact on your depression. Perhaps the doctor may be able to talk your mother Into agreeing to see him/her if your mother is led to believe it may help you.

I'm sure this must be really worrying for you, but please don't lose sight of getting yourself better too.

god bless

Lorraine xx

Hi the answer is you can't!   All you can do is talk to her and gently encourage her to seek help,  You can say you will go with her and do whatever you can to help her,  but at the end of the day it is her decision.  Don't forget she comes from a different generation and that could affect her attitude towards mental illness.  Have you though about this aspect?   Good luck with it.  x

My depression is getting better thanks to medical help but It took 15years to get the right help that I needed.  I never had enough support as a child and I do not come from a big family as both my parents are only children. xxx

You could tell her about my mother (I could be a 'friend' of yours?). When I was diagnosed with my first round of severe major depressive disorder I drove to my mother's home (just one state over) so that I could try to explain it to my mother and try to explain that I really needed some strong emotional support – the type that I knew that my late father would have given. My father had been chair of the local council mental health committee for years and years.My mother told me that she did not 'believe' in depression. She told me, in her wisdom, that people just 'made up' all these things because they were weak and lazy. It was funny (as in odd) that she never told me, or insinuated, that I was weak or lazy or making things up because mental illnesses were unreal and we weren't the type of people who made things up for selfish reasons. We were above all of that.She told me that if I would just 'pull myself up by my bootstraps' that I would be okay. She wouldn't help me with anything (we never discussed it later, of course – you'll see why in a moment, but I think that she was thinking of financial support) while I was hoping for emotional support.I was hospitalized for 2 1/2 years in cycles - the longest being for 13 months. The only thing that helped me was a long series of ECT sessions with a follow-up three months later.When I was to be transitioned out of the main hospital stay and the social worker tried to get in touch with my mother. She found that my mother was dead. She had committed suicide; my late father had kept a .38 Special, with a box of bullets, in his bedside table. She blew her brains out. I now had a free place to stay, as she had left everything to me. Just one state away.Pretty good deal for me.My mother had been dead six months before I found out about her death. Her best friend had taken care of everything (and received a very nice benefit) until I was found. I did not have to tend to the blood-spattered walls nor the was the white carpet in the bedroom dried with pints and-and pints of blood.I learned that my mother – fit to the point of being athletic at the age of 70 – had suffered a stroke. She was unable to use the right side of her body. She needed help. We were not the kind to need help: we helped others. Her friend, who was just down the street, would take my mum to therapy five mornings a week for therapy. My mother was not responding well to treatment. She had the "blues," I guess. She needed to pick herself by her bootstraps, etc., etc.My maternal grandmother had been living in a nursing home for some years. It was a month after she died, at the age of 100, that my mother had been awaiting to pull the trigger.It was strange, though. My mother's friend – Jean – found not only items tagged, but meticulously logged in a notebook so that everything of value – a lowly as a fur coat and up to her very best jewelry. But they couldn't find me. And they couldn't distribute the loot until they found me.So, in the end, everything turned out okay. With the exception of my mum's suicide. That didn't turn out very well for her, really. So just let your mum know that someone like my mother can go from 'not believing' in depression to suicide because of depression in less than 2 1/2 years.And she had been seeing a psych doc and had medication prescribed for depression. I found two years of unopened bottles of multiple psychotropic drugs tossed to the back of her favorite kitchen cabinet.If your mum is will, at least, accept your diagnosis depressions you're ahead of the game before it's begun. You can tell her, starting with a sort of general conversation, of a particular symptom that you're having – a symptom that you know that she may resonate with – and just ask if she ever feels _________ (fill in the blank). Don't get pushy but do find two or three things that you may have in common. When you find those (even one) symptom(s), ask her if maybe she could see a psychiatrist (or even a therapy counselor) just to get an outsider's view of the things that may be bothering her.And ask her what would be wrong just to see what it's like. Ask her to see if she feels any better or worse afterwards. With luck, she'll find someone who empathizes with your mother and someone that she will trust and want to see again.

My depression is down to my lack of self-confidence whereas I think my mums depression stems from her childhood.  I've had a very good life compared to many but I would say everybody suffers from some sort of issues throughout their lifes.  That is what makes who we are.  I had a happy childhood but I was probably overprotected down to my mother who has a fear of something bad happening down to her childhood experience.  High school wasn't a bad experience for me but it wasnt until I left school that I had a few issues to overcome.  I have a slight facial disfigurement which had never bothered me and I had never experienced any negativity about it during school.  It wasn't until I left school and started my first job life changed.  I was bulled not physically but mentally and this had a major impact on my personality as I became more quiet and reserved as I couldnt cope with the comments towards me.  I found that even adults who were older than me were very judgemental of how I looked and this had a major effect on my confidence.  I am happy with who I am I just lack confidence and support due to the fact that nobody really understands me.  It wasn't until I met my current boyfriend a few years ago that everything changed for the better and thanks to him I went to see a doctor and I have never looked back since.  I still have my good and bad days and I am still in the experimental stage of finding the right medication.  What I find that helps is talking to likeminded people like you Lorraine. xxx 

Dear orange12933,

I'm writing to you to say that I am glad that you now have a diagnosis. You have Severe Depression. It may sound contradictory to say I am glad but now you know what you're dealing with health wise. I'm afraid there's nothing much you can do to persuade your Mother on getting help with her depression. It has to come from her; the 'asking for help' bit. Best advice I can give is to talk to someone you trust completely to ease the burden. Eat right, sleep well, see friends, do things you enjoy & treat yourself kindly. Good luck!