Depression

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I am wondering if anyone can give me some advice.  I have recently been diagnosed with depression which I have suffered from for 15years.  I have a mother who I would also say suffers from depression but she would not admit it.  Is there anyway I can get her to see a doctor without her saying no.  I also think she has a obsessive compulsive disorder and I am concerned that this is effecting her quality of life.  I want to help her but she doesn't listen to me.  How can I get her to get the help that she needs?

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  • Posted

    Hi Orange

    That's a tough dilemma and i honestly feel for you. As your mum is an adult she is entitled to decline medical treatment/appointment. Have you got any aunts or uncles that could also try and persuade her to see a doctor? Or maybe she has a close friend that you can speak to? I think if she was a danger to herself or others would medical intervention be given without her consent. Do you share the same doctor? If so perhaps it would be helpful to speak to your doctor about your concern for your mother? As this situation will clearly impact on your depression. Perhaps the doctor may be able to talk your mother Into agreeing to see him/her if your mother is led to believe it may help you.

    I'm sure this must be really worrying for you, but please don't lose sight of getting yourself better too.

    god bless

    Lorraine xx

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    • Posted

      No but I am finding this helpful talking to you Lorraine.  I think the problem she has stems from her childhood.  When she was five she was in the backseat of a car that her mother was driving and her mother said to her shall I over take and she said yes and her mother ended up driving into a wall and was killed instantly.  This haunts my mother still to this day and I believe that she still has a lot of emotions that she has never been able to let go of.  One of my friends died in a car accident when I was 17 and that still haunts me to this day.  I think when you witness something like that It is something that you will never forget. xxxxx 
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    • Posted

      My depression is getting better thanks to medical help but It took 15years to get the right help that I needed.  I never had enough support as a child and I do not come from a big family as both my parents are only children. xxx
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    • Posted

      Thank you Lorraine.  I think the problem is that yes things have changed somewhat for the better in the world although many people might disagree with that comment but there will always be problems in the world especially when It comes down to peoples attitudes.  I never met my grandparents and I think I suffer from the same frustration as my mother has as I often felt like I was missing out as a child when school colleagues would be away to their granny, grandpas, cousins, etc and I never had that so I do occasionally feel like I have missed out a little bit and perhaps that is why I feel so different and find it hard for certain people to understand me.  I like to help people and try to find the good in every situation but sometimes the more you try to help certain people the more they take advantage.  Sometimes I wish that I could just set up my own online blog like a diary but let people read it so anyone suffering from similar problems could know that they aren't the only ones out there.  Even if things don't make sense to everyone it can be good just to write how you feel or whats on your mind like I am just now. 
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    • Posted

      Hi Orange

      what an excellent idea! You make an awful lot of sense to me. It sounds like things have been really tough for you and yet....you have mentioned a blog to help others. How wonderful you are!

      My children had the same situation as you eg i raised them on my own and had no close or distant family. I use to feel so dreadful around birthdays as they only had presents from me and sometimes their friends. How are you feeling this evening any better in terms of your depression. Did the doctor prescribe antidepressants? Stay in touch

      god bless xx

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    • Posted

      I wouldn't say I have had it tough but I have had a few issues to overcome.  What I can't understand is why there is not enough help out there.  I have had some money issues for a wee while now and I can't understand why there isn't enough help for those who really need it.  I'm not saying people don't get help but why is it some people are in such poverty while others are living over comfortably(this might be seen as a completely different topic to this forum).  Is it not time somebody set up a support group that can help people who need it IE people who can get the support they really need, money to help them get by without having to pay it back.  I have never struggled so much with money as I am now and I am sure that is another factor as why I have felt so depressed.  I have ambition but I don't have any backup to go forward with anything....Is there not such a thing as money hand outs to people who are desperate who don't have to pay anything back with interest.  Maybe I am just living on a completely different planet but I have worked fairly hard over the past few years and got very little for it.  It would be nice to be handed a nice cheque of cash one day without having to pay anything back. No offence to the government but you really havent helped the likes of me with anything who has constantly asked for help in certain situations and have had to fight hard to get very little back in return.  xxx
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  • Posted

    Hi the answer is you can't!   All you can do is talk to her and gently encourage her to seek help,  You can say you will go with her and do whatever you can to help her,  but at the end of the day it is her decision.  Don't forget she comes from a different generation and that could affect her attitude towards mental illness.  Have you though about this aspect?   Good luck with it.  x
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  • Posted

    My depression is getting better thanks to medical help but It took 15years to get the right help that I needed.  I never had enough support as a child and I do not come from a big family as both my parents are only children. xxx
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  • Posted

    You could tell her about my mother (I could be a 'friend' of yours?). When I was diagnosed with my first round of severe major depressive disorder I drove to my mother's home (just one state over) so that I could try to explain it to my mother and try to explain that I really needed some strong emotional support – the type that I knew that my late father would have given. My father had been chair of the local council mental health committee for years and years.My mother told me that she did not 'believe' in depression. She told me, in her wisdom, that people just 'made up' all these things because they were weak and lazy. It was funny (as in odd) that she never told me, or insinuated, that I was weak or lazy or making things up because mental illnesses were unreal and we weren't the type of people who made things up for selfish reasons. We were above all of that.She told me that if I would just 'pull myself up by my bootstraps' that I would be okay. She wouldn't help me with anything (we never discussed it later, of course – you'll see why in a moment, but I think that she was thinking of financial support) while I was hoping for emotional support.I was hospitalized for 2 1/2 years in cycles - the longest being for 13 months. The only thing that helped me was a long series of ECT sessions with a follow-up three months later.When I was to be transitioned out of the main hospital stay and the social worker tried to get in touch with my mother. She found that my mother was dead. She had committed suicide; my late father had kept a .38 Special, with a box of bullets, in his bedside table. She blew her brains out. I now had a free place to stay, as she had left everything to me. Just one state away.Pretty good deal for me.My mother had been dead six months before I found out about her death. Her best friend had taken care of everything (and received a very nice benefit) until I was found. I did not have to tend to the blood-spattered walls nor the was the white carpet in the bedroom dried with pints and-and pints of blood.I learned that my mother – fit to the point of being athletic at the age of 70 – had suffered a stroke. She was unable to use the right side of her body. She needed help. We were not the kind to need help: we helped others. Her friend, who was just down the street, would take my mum to therapy five mornings a week for therapy. My mother was not responding well to treatment. She had the "blues," I guess. She needed to pick herself by her bootstraps, etc., etc.My maternal grandmother had been living in a nursing home for some years. It was a month after she died, at the age of 100, that my mother had been awaiting to pull the trigger.It was strange, though. My mother's friend – Jean – found not only items tagged, but meticulously logged in a notebook so that everything of value – a lowly as a fur coat and up to her very best jewelry. But they couldn't find me. And they couldn't distribute the loot until they found me.So, in the end, everything turned out okay. With the exception of my mum's suicide. That didn't turn out very well for her, really. So just let your mum know that someone like my mother can go from 'not believing' in depression to suicide because of depression in less than 2 1/2 years.And she had been seeing a psych doc and had medication prescribed for depression. I found two years of unopened bottles of multiple psychotropic drugs tossed to the back of her favorite kitchen cabinet.If your mum is will, at least, accept your diagnosis depressions you're ahead of the game before it's begun. You can tell her, starting with a sort of general conversation, of a particular symptom that you're having – a symptom that you know that she may resonate with – and just ask if she ever feels _________ (fill in the blank). Don't get pushy but do find two or three things that you may have in common. When you find those (even one) symptom(s), ask her if maybe she could see a psychiatrist (or even a therapy counselor) just to get an outsider's view of the things that may be bothering her.And ask her what would be wrong just to see what it's like. Ask her to see if she feels any better or worse afterwards. With luck, she'll find someone who empathizes with your mother and someone that she will trust and want to see again.
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  • Posted

    My depression is down to my lack of self-confidence whereas I think my mums depression stems from her childhood.  I've had a very good life compared to many but I would say everybody suffers from some sort of issues throughout their lifes.  That is what makes who we are.  I had a happy childhood but I was probably overprotected down to my mother who has a fear of something bad happening down to her childhood experience.  High school wasn't a bad experience for me but it wasnt until I left school that I had a few issues to overcome.  I have a slight facial disfigurement which had never bothered me and I had never experienced any negativity about it during school.  It wasn't until I left school and started my first job life changed.  I was bulled not physically but mentally and this had a major impact on my personality as I became more quiet and reserved as I couldnt cope with the comments towards me.  I found that even adults who were older than me were very judgemental of how I looked and this had a major effect on my confidence.  I am happy with who I am I just lack confidence and support due to the fact that nobody really understands me.  It wasn't until I met my current boyfriend a few years ago that everything changed for the better and thanks to him I went to see a doctor and I have never looked back since.  I still have my good and bad days and I am still in the experimental stage of finding the right medication.  What I find that helps is talking to likeminded people like you Lorraine. xxx 
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  • Posted

    Dear orange12933,

    I'm writing to you to say that I am glad that you now have a diagnosis. You have Severe Depression. It may sound contradictory to say I am glad but now you know what you're dealing with health wise. I'm afraid there's nothing much you can do to persuade your Mother on getting help with her depression. It has to come from her; the 'asking for help' bit. Best advice I can give is to talk to someone you trust completely to ease the burden. Eat right, sleep well, see friends, do things you enjoy & treat yourself kindly. Good luck!

     

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    • Posted

      Yes I agree.  The only thing I can't understand is why It has taken 15 years for this diagnosis!!  I always knew I was a bit different but not in a strange way, just that I didn't have the right kind of people to talk to.  I was always surrounded by "class clowns" as opposed to mature adults who could or couldn't hold a serious conversation for longer than 5minutes!!! (depends how you read this sentence if it make's sense) xxxx 
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    • Posted

      The question you've got to keep asking yourself is; 'Am I alright within myself? The answer you'll find is that you are fine. Remember, to keep taking your medication, collect your medication, talk to those you trust. Listen to yourself when you advise friends in the same situation you'll find you can always treat yourself with the same respect. I don't have all the answers, but I wish you lots of love & luck for 2016,
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    • Posted

      Yes I agree.  I am not sure the medication I am taking at the moment is exactly the right medication for me but I have noticed a slight difference taking it (for the better).  You are right though I need to keep taking the medication as I don't want to have a relapse.  I changed doctor as I wanted to be seperate from the rest of my family and I find this has helped a lot.  Since I changed doctor I got the diagnose I always thought I had but I always had other people telling me that I was being stupid and there is not such a thing as depression.  
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