Depression

thank you Pat, that is very kind. I am on meds at the moment and doing cbt but I feel like I've just hit rock bottom again. I feel like it's torture inside my head. I'm just swamped with feelings of anxiety and depression and every ten minutes I'm trying to push away the idea that life is pointless and everything is meaningless. It's not just sadness I feel empty and I cant switch my brain off .  I just can't see it passing at the moment, I've held on to the idea that it will pass for so long and it's exhausting.

I know that I won't harm myself. I just want to live a life without all this pain and fear.

thank you for you response xxxx

I really do feel for you my dear, how long have you been on the meds? And youvare going to make it through , I felt exactly the same a few weeks ago, it was the first time in my life I thought about suicide . But the people on thos forum got ne through the toughest time of my life, And you will . Do what ever you can to try and feel better. For me it was hours of walking ,;talking to people on here , reading up about my illness either on line or in book shops. Swimming was and is still good for me, taking a bath or long hot shower. All this doesn't cure you and mkes you feel a tiny tiny bit better, and distracts your mind a little. If anything it makes the hours pass and helps you sleep.

All the best to you, you will be in my prayers. Faith is very helpful too. Remember if god brought you to it, he will bring you through it.

Its a path of learning. Xx

How are you today, dk? 

Hello,

I'm feeling a little better today thank you. I'm just trying to take my mind off things until I can see my doctor again. Thanks again for your message xx

Thank you for your message. I've been on the meds for about 3 months now, and just started cbt. I'm taking your advice and just doing the things that make me feel a tiny bit better until I can see my doctor again.

Thank you again for your repy xx

Any time, im having a bad day, had a pamick attack yesterday and today feeling anxious.

Im 7 weeks on meds and been doing great. So im hopingvits just a blip,;if anyone canbadvisw me thatvbe great and most appreciated.

I've responded properly to you below, it sounds like you've been doing great and had a blip, you will getter better just gotta ride it out like Pat told me above. I feel for you because I understand how it feels xx

Im the same! Dont lioe this at all.

I really need advise and help

Hi Kelly and Latifa, it might be helpful for you both to know that today I'm feeling a little bit more like myself, for the first time I've been able to switch off from th constant thoughts in my head and focus on something else, which as simple as that seems is a really big deal for me, don't get me wrong I steel feel bad but I've had a bit of relief from the panicking.

Latifa it sounds to me like you've had a little blip and your mind has gone in to panic mode about it. I do the same. It's all very well saying 'don't panic' (we wouldn't have a problem if it were that easy) but you will be ok. Just keep going. I know how horrible it is and we are all in it together. Do you have your next doctor's apt organised? I find having my next doctor's apt organised helps me as I just think 'i'll keep going until my next apt' and try to just get on with things, as difficult as it may well be. And I also have my massive breakdown moments too where I feel like I just want to lie in bed all day and sleep. But I think it's all part of it.

Keep strong!

Kelly I'm single and living with my mum at the moment, I'm very lucky because she is incredibly supportive of what I'm going through, even though she may not fully understand. I'm sure your boys don't like seeing their mum like this, but it's an illness and heaps of people suffer from it, and it time, you will recover. 4 weeks isn't very long, what are you taking and what dose if you don't mind me asking?

What lovely responses you give, dk, you are obviously a very caring person and your input on this site will be much appreciated.

Sometimes helping others is one of the ways to lift the symptoms of depression, I know it is that way for me.

Keep positive, all will be well.

Pat xxx

Thanks Pat,

I also thought your response was lovely and really helpful. I hope you're feeling a little better too xxx

Thanks so much dk25651, I think you are right. The last time I saw my dr was a week ago, I brought her a card to say thanks for getting me well, I had my mackup on and was in a really good place. She waa pleased and said ahw will not up my dosw and would put me on a repeat prescription. So should I ride it oit a bit longer or book an appointment? I did forget to take my meds on Thursday, but people tell me this will not have anything to donwith it? What do you think?

Thanks soooo much x

I think maybe just book an apt for in a week or two? That way you will have something to aim for and if you're still feeling bad you can tell her then, if you're feeling better still tell your doctor about how you were feeling and I'm sure she can either up your medication or reassure you that these things happen and it doesn't mean you are back to square one. Also have you tried doing any meditation? I recently invested in the headspace meditation pack and i've only been doing it a few days but it has calmed me slightly. I've also found it helpful to only think about the day ahead, just taking it day by day makes things more managable, if I start to think too much about the future I try to bring myself back to the present day. This is a skill in itself though and is wuite difficult, but I've heard it's sopmething meditation can help with xx

also- anytime! We are all on here to help xx

thank you soo much, im not sure i can go a week or two like this? but ill try!

i have diazipam in my hand bag, i havnt taken it yet. im trying to be strong. ive heard meditation is good, and yoga. where do i get the meditation pack?

i think you are sertainly right just about thinking of today first rather than the next few days. i will prob need lots of reasurance on here untill i feel better again, thankyou.

In that case go and see your doctor, there's no harm in it! It's possible that you need your medication upped. I use headspace but I've paid for a year's subscription which is quite expensive (£50 i think) however you can do ten days for free, and you can keep using them over and over. I've wanted to get into meditation for a while and I quite like these ones so I thought I'd invest in it.But it takes a lot of time and practice I've heard so don't worry if you can't get it right for a while.

Yeah book yourself a docs app and keep messaging on here, there are always lots of people who want to help here! xxx

I added a link to the meditation page in my last post so it's waiting to be moderated. I use the headspace app (just google headspace) yes I think in that case book an apt for your docs and tell her how you have been feeling, you might need your dosage upping. keep strong and keep messaging us! xx

Sorry for long delay having a bad couple of days not had the strength to function today. I'm on mirtazapine 15mg but the effects have worn off now so (worked first couple weeks). Don't have the doctor for another week so considering upping just half tablet as that's what they were planning to do anyway. X

sorry you're feeling so bad Kelly, have you tried getting a phone apt with your doctor? x

Doctors here not open till Tuesday but I will try then but in meantime I might try am extra half tablet see if this helps. It's very hard to get out of the clutches of feeling this low. I lost my mum in march and she was my rock being a single mum. Had depression 6 years ago after break up and with her help with the boys I managed to get through it but it was a battle. I don't want to have this feelings of I want to end it all hanging around as soon as I wake up its truly awful xx

I know I understand how awful it is. And it's very difficult to help yourself when you feel so low, sometimes we need the medication just to give us that lift so we can help ourselves. I'm very sorry to hear about your mum, please try and remember that you've got through this before and you can get through it again, and talk on here whenever you feel you can xx

Thank you. Although I wish this horrible illness on no one it's a help to know you're not alone. How are you feeling I hope things are getting better for you x

I'm feeling ever so slightly better. Although the fact that it's dark already isn't helping at all! x

Is it just me but when I have days when I feel slightly better you try and talk yourself back down almost like you're fighting with a part of you're mind that wants and thinks you don't deserve to feel better?

Thses dark nights make everything worse feel like I've not had the blinds open for 2 mins and they are shut again x

Yeah I'm the same, like my 'good' days are just the days where I'm trying to stay positive, even though my mind won't properly let me. The dark really really affects my mood, my depression is so much worse when it's dark outside and I literally notice the difference as soon as the weather changes! x

hi Kelly, how are you today? x

hi! How are you today?

Hi hun

I was out shopping with my sister and boys. I'm ok for parts but my mind wanders and brings me crashing down just can't shift my mood at all. I upped my med last night but I guess I'm hoping for a miracle which isn't going to happen

How are you x

Hi,

I'm feeling a little more relaxed today but also up and down, I'm just trying to be positive about the fact that I feel slightly better. I do find that my mind wanders a lot and I find it quite difficult to focus on one thing in particular, but I do think meditation is helping with this slightly.

Hopefully you will feel the benefits of the higher dosage in a couple of days, but try not to worry if you don't as there will definitely be either a higher dosage or a different medication that will help you xx

Hi dk25651,how are you? Hope your good!

I slept well last night, but was really down and tearful, spent the whole day out at the shops and meeting friends. I don't know why but dread coming home. I'm OK just slightly anxious, have loads of house work that needs doing and dinner, but I just feel frozen I'm obviously going down hill, so first thing in the morning I'm hoping to see my gp.

Thank you for it support o really really appreciate it. I just hope I won't have more bad side affects??

That's ok, you can talk on here anytime! It doesn't mean you're going downhill it might just be a little blip! let us know how you get on with your gp and good luck xx

I will definitely x