Depression
Posted , 4 users are following.
I have alot of mental health issues my problem is my eldest brother is always making it worse for me when I see him . My dad holds family barbecues every year as so many of us have birthday's in August the problem is my eldest brother doesn't seem to acknowledge I exist always blanks me , presents cards money none of that matters to me I don't want any of that I just want to feel like I exist. last year at the family barbecue my dad's girlfriend also has a Birthday in August they had only been together a couple of months and my oldest brother decided to give her a card and a present in front of me and not even bothered to say to me did you have a nice birthday sis which really got to me. I ended up spending the rest of the evening crying and out of the way even when it came to everyone's birthday cakes I wasn't there the only reason I didn't leave because my 3 kids were really enjoying themselves seeing all their cousins they're auntie's uncles there nannys and Grandad. Even at Christmas time is the only time they really get to see everyone and even then he acts like I don't exist I don't even get so much as a Merry Christmas.
He doesn't really know my kids doesn't know what they're into or anything unlike my other brothers kids. This year I've decided I'm not going to the family barbecue because I don't want to feel the way that he made me feel last year I've said to the girls that they can go and I'll drop them off and pick him up. I haven't told my dad this yet as he's going to get really cross over it and tell me I'm being childish I tried to speak to people last year about it all my dad wouldn't listen my mum was just too busy and my auntie agreed with me that my brother was bang out of order and he shouldn't have been like that. So before i tell my dad and get to made feel pathetic and childish My question is am I really in the wrong for not wanting to be made to feel like I'm invisible like I don't matter to anyone as this is what my eldest brother makes me feel. I've just had enough of breaking down crying over other people like him all the time it isn't doing me any good and I'm sure sooner or later it will start to affect my kids two.
2 likes, 3 replies
jean62175 toni07149
Posted
Hi Toni, don't know if this will be of any help to you or not, but here goes. I was in the same boat as you, I didn't go to family gatherings etc., because of how hurt I felt. I recently spoke to a professional & this came up in the session. What he asked me was "does your brother have an everyday effect on you" no, only at family gatherings other than those I don't see or hear from him. So he said "if this is the way your brother wants to live his life, let him". He went on to say "why should you miss out on all other members of your family because of him". He then said "why don't you ..." I interrupted and said, don't ask me to speak to him & ask him what's HIS problem, he laughed and said, "no, what if you do go to the next gathering and say hello to him and move onto another relation". Thought about it & felt sure what's the worse that can happen? He won't answer! It's turns out our Mom passed away & the first person I met was himself, so I went up, gave him a hug and walked away - if it wasn't such a sad occasion I would have burst out laughing, why? He didn't know what to do or where to put himself.. Since then, while not perfect we speak, I feel good and am the bigger person. So, don't let him have you miss out on lovely family gatherings as who knows how long we have parents etc., give it a go, maybe not a hug - lol. but say Hi how are you. Having been there my heart goes out to you but again your children's memories of events will be being there without you. You can do it.
Aspinan toni07149
Posted
socialrobert toni07149
Posted
It sounds like Your Brother feels introverted when he is close to you though there were some close moments in the past and you are both thinking more than you are saying to each other. Do not escalate the tension or be spiteful. Especially because you can not be sure what the problem is' if you are not keeping up with each others thoughts. The more you engage in socialising with him the easier it become's for you both to relate to each other and pick up from where you left each other. After a while you can speak and relate to almost anything that interests him. Learn what interests him and talk casually. You should also be aware that people have different experiences in life and he might have his own internal problems that you are not aware of. Try to be patient and say to him "No matter what happens you will always be my brother and I will always love you". This problem originates from him not knowing how to RELATE to people and INTROVERSION. Any other problems along the way are not the true issue. Tell him "I want my cuddle and if you do not give it to me I will take it by chasing you around the garden if necessary". Say "you are my brother and I have come to claim what I am entitled to, a cuddaw". You owe me". Do it playfully and practice in your mind so you are not off key at the time. Do not worry what the outcome is or you might obsess over possible outcomes and make reasons not to and other imaginary subsequent responses that put you off and escalate your negative feelings. Remember "Blood is thicker than water". Do not do any thing you know you are going to regret. Most of all, do not rely on people for emotional support, try to be strong and sure and stand on your own two feet because people can not always be there for you no matter if they want to. If you want to talk, keep in touch. LOVE and a BIG CUDDAW from, Robert.