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Depression

Posted , 6 users are following.

pat11750
pat11750

Hi my name is pat I am currently carer for my wife she has being sick for quite some time she has bad seizures nearly every second day and I finding very hard to deal with so I am asking anyone who's in same boat as me cause I am at my last straw I don't know what to do and it seems to me she dose not want to help herself am I the only one going through this

1 like, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • kelly55079
    kelly55079 pat11750

    Posted

    I'm sorry to hear this..  I know it must be taxing on you to care for a loved one.  You must take care of yourself-- this is very important because how can you care for a loved one?   Can a family member or friend help you out by giving you a few hours to yourself?  Perhaps your wife's Dr has some suggestions?  Have you thought about doing something for you-- swimming/walking or talking with a therapist can also make a world of a difference..

    • pat11750
      pat11750 kelly55079

      Posted

      Thanks Kellie for your comments nobody can help cause I'm they only one person she trusts to help there are times I wish I could just pack up and leave but I know that would not help we married now, 23 years and it seems like I can't carry on

    • kelly55079
      kelly55079 pat11750

      Posted

      Yes you have been married 23 years.. that doesn't mean that you are a slave to her medical problems. Put your foot down and get some help in there for you!  You need a break and if you don't take care of your needs you won't be around for her.

    • pat11750
      pat11750 kelly55079

      Posted

      Ya but I don't know where to start and how to I can't even sleep at night cause ever time she move I wake so I do need help but nobody knows how I feel only I can't seem to be able tell anyone cause they might think I am only looking for excuses

    • bibby86013
      bibby86013 pat11750

      Posted

      As i stated below , youve answered your own question. You clearly love her and she is ever so grateful, and probably feels bad herself. BUT YOU ARE HUMAN , NOT A ROBOT. I worked for Social Services mainly care for children and adults with disabilities. I was in charge of commissioning Domicilary care from care providers endorsed by the council and direct payments. Under Section Under Section 20 Children Act 1989,​ ( I know this relates to Children ) NONETHELESS , The act is referred to as SHORTBREAKS ACT OR RESPITE. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT , get someone you are confident from a reliable source that will be consistent ( that use to be an issue , staff turnover ) nonetheless there are very good carers out there my spouses friend is one, ( or approach Penderels Trust they can assist you interview , there are options you Need A SHORT BREAK , REGULARLY TO DO WHAT YOU DO EFFECIENTLY AND EFFORTLESSLY. IS  a tired Pilot any good ? or would you prefer one well rested with short breaks ?? i cant simplify it more than that. 
    • kelly55079
      kelly55079 pat11750

      Posted

      You can start by getting yourself to therapy!!   You need to talk with someone who will listen and help you find solutions.  A therapist can be great, I have seen one here and there to help me sort out 'things' and see the bigger picture.    Once you go, you will find relief-- I'm sure!!   And you need sleep which could be why you feel like you do.  Can you sleep in a different room or on the couch?   If you can do those 2 things it's a start!! 

  • borderriever
    borderriever pat11750

    Posted

    Pat

    Have you approached Her GP and discussed  Her Problems, and how she reacts to you

    Can you explain the problems She has and any health concerns ?

    BOB

  • zarah69624
    zarah69624 pat11750

    Posted

    Stay strong pat through every dark day there be a bright one what your doing is great your wife married you and I'm sure she would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot I was ill got 7years and my husband had to care for me and our 10 children by him self and each day I give thanks for him he carried me more than he will ever know . Am i would have dyed without him i know its hard caring for people i have also worked in care and it is very hard more so when its so one you love .

    Make sure you take so time for your self we all did it .

  • bibby86013
    bibby86013 pat11750

    Posted

    IM sorry to hear. I understand your situation and have seeked answers myself for many years. i asked myself the same question and at times felt bad for doing so. Then i realised i have answered the question myself by my own actions BY STILL BEING THERE/HERE. I Would recommend simply ensuring you get some form of respite regularly e.g once per week/ 2 or 3. You decide. Your wife will not punish you for that. IT MAKES THE WORLD OF DIFFERENCE
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