Depression

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Hi my name is pat I am currently carer for my wife she has being sick for quite some time she has bad seizures nearly every second day and I finding very hard to deal with so I am asking anyone who's in same boat as me cause I am at my last straw I don't know what to do and it seems to me she dose not want to help herself am I the only one going through this

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm sorry to hear this..  I know it must be taxing on you to care for a loved one.  You must take care of yourself-- this is very important because how can you care for a loved one?   Can a family member or friend help you out by giving you a few hours to yourself?  Perhaps your wife's Dr has some suggestions?  Have you thought about doing something for you-- swimming/walking or talking with a therapist can also make a world of a difference..

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    • Posted

      Thanks Kellie for your comments nobody can help cause I'm they only one person she trusts to help there are times I wish I could just pack up and leave but I know that would not help we married now, 23 years and it seems like I can't carry on

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    • Posted

      Yes you have been married 23 years.. that doesn't mean that you are a slave to her medical problems. Put your foot down and get some help in there for you!  You need a break and if you don't take care of your needs you won't be around for her.

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    • Posted

      Ya but I don't know where to start and how to I can't even sleep at night cause ever time she move I wake so I do need help but nobody knows how I feel only I can't seem to be able tell anyone cause they might think I am only looking for excuses

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    • Posted

      As i stated below , youve answered your own question. You clearly love her and she is ever so grateful, and probably feels bad herself. BUT YOU ARE HUMAN , NOT A ROBOT. I worked for Social Services mainly care for children and adults with disabilities. I was in charge of commissioning Domicilary care from care providers endorsed by the council and direct payments. Under Section Under Section 20 Children Act 1989,​ ( I know this relates to Children ) NONETHELESS , The act is referred to as SHORTBREAKS ACT OR RESPITE. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT , get someone you are confident from a reliable source that will be consistent ( that use to be an issue , staff turnover ) nonetheless there are very good carers out there my spouses friend is one, ( or approach Penderels Trust they can assist you interview , there are options you Need A SHORT BREAK , REGULARLY TO DO WHAT YOU DO EFFECIENTLY AND EFFORTLESSLY. IS  a tired Pilot any good ? or would you prefer one well rested with short breaks ?? i cant simplify it more than that. 
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    • Posted

      You can start by getting yourself to therapy!!   You need to talk with someone who will listen and help you find solutions.  A therapist can be great, I have seen one here and there to help me sort out 'things' and see the bigger picture.    Once you go, you will find relief-- I'm sure!!   And you need sleep which could be why you feel like you do.  Can you sleep in a different room or on the couch?   If you can do those 2 things it's a start!! 

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  • Posted

    Pat

    Have you approached Her GP and discussed  Her Problems, and how she reacts to you

    Can you explain the problems She has and any health concerns ?

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Stay strong pat through every dark day there be a bright one what your doing is great your wife married you and I'm sure she would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot I was ill got 7years and my husband had to care for me and our 10 children by him self and each day I give thanks for him he carried me more than he will ever know . Am i would have dyed without him i know its hard caring for people i have also worked in care and it is very hard more so when its so one you love .

    Make sure you take so time for your self we all did it .

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  • Posted

    IM sorry to hear. I understand your situation and have seeked answers myself for many years. i asked myself the same question and at times felt bad for doing so. Then i realised i have answered the question myself by my own actions BY STILL BEING THERE/HERE. I Would recommend simply ensuring you get some form of respite regularly e.g once per week/ 2 or 3. You decide. Your wife will not punish you for that. IT MAKES THE WORLD OF DIFFERENCE
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