Depression

Hi Nicola,

I am so sorry that this happened to you as a child. I can't imagine what that would do to a person. When horrid things like this happen, I find it is so common for the person who has been affected to attribute it to themselves, that it says something about you, almost like its part of who you are now.

This isn't true at all. Unfortunately, the horrible unfair reality is that you cannot go back and change what happened to you, but what did happen to you was NOT your fault, it does not say anything about who you are as a person and you didn't deserve this. Our minds are cruel things sometimes, they can tell you awful things and make you feel like you are worthless, but just know thoughts are not in your control and whatever negative comments you make about yourself are not true. Of course I can in no way relate to your situation, but I find whenever I get a really scary or negative thought, in my mind I say "5,4,3,2,1" and then think of something that makes me happy. This doesn't need to be a huge thing, could be something as simple as your favourite animal or a good song, just something to distract you from the negative thought. The more you do this, the more it will help.

Do you take any medication? Some people don't but I've found taking medication really beneficial for me. It can make you feel worse at first but people find them life saving in the long term.

Please just remember you are not what happened to you. You are deserving of a happy and successful life, even if your brain tells you otherwise. And think of how strong you are to get to where you are today. People are so quick to disregard the positive in their lives when all they can focus on is the negative. You have made it this far whilst struggling and that is an achievement. X

hi nicola, i did try to message you earlier i could have sworn blind but never mind, i will try again! if you were abused it needs to come out. if some of the abuse was sexual you could try rape crisis, failing that but try a private counsellor who deals with assault. i have had to sadly do this, it is horrid to do but you must for your sanity not anything else. i really feel for you. you could ask your doctor for support, if you trust them and they may help you with numbers. there is a severe treatment called EMDR that is especially for assault. if you want to p.m me then do so. x

Hey Nicola,

It broke my heart to read your story, it is easier said than done when people saythat just get over it. My advice to you is that have so much to do that your mind doesn't wander off to that horrid memory. I was sexually harassed by my own relative and I used to have so many revengeful thoughts that maybe one day I will just strangle him. But now that I am older I do believe in karma and that there is a special place in hell for such psychopaths and I do not let my mind wander late at night and cuddle even closer with my emotional support animals. They have helped me with my depression and anxiety and make me laugh by their mere existence. I paint utter gibberish and indulge myself in other activities when the thought comes to mind. The only closure we can get is telling ourselves that we are not to blame, some people are just cruel and evil and they will never hold themselves accountable and when your abuser is living his or her life away, why must you be the one suffering. I say, live it to the fullest. Travel and soak your feet in the sands of time and smile and laugh with your people and remember you are kind to have not inflicted the same evil on anyone and find things to keep your mind occupied. Hope this helps xoxo

You get over these things by letting the past go, and pressing onto a bright future. You have to get some sort of closure that will put you on a great path, renew your mind and renew your heart daily, until this issue in your mentality ceases to exist. Its not easy but its possible. You have to talk to your parents and get some closure.